After the Wedding
by lovejoyblissfic
Summary: After hooking up with Blaine at Will and Emma's failed wedding, Kurt returns to NYADA and tries to make sense of what Blaine and Adam mean to him, while making new friends and enjoying everything his new school and his new city have to offer. (WARNINGS: conversations about non-con, possible infidelity, mental health, domestic violence, substance abuse. May not be Blaine friendly.)
1. Chapter 1

The light coming in through the window was in the wrong place. The blankets felt all wrong. And there was a familiar sweet comforting smell of artificial raspberry in the air.

Raspberry hair gel.

Shit.

Shitshitshitshitshit.

Panic rising, Kurt cracked an eye open and took in the messy black curls and the muscular shoulder near him. He felt warm skin and heard peaceful even breathing.

He had slept with Blaine last night.

He quietly slipped out of bed. Don't panic, he thought. You don't know for sure that you got so wasted at the wedding last night that you had sex with Blaine.

The condom he saw in the trash can told him differently.

Kurt surveyed the room. A hotel room.

Two matching black tuxedos tossed in pieces on the floor. A bottle of champagne in an ice bucket. Empty. How had they managed that when they were both underage, he wondered. No idea.

And no idea what he was going to tell Adam.

Adam.

Sweet, comforting, goofy, beautiful Adam.

Kurt sighed and decided to head in to the shower and try to pull himself together. The hot spray pounding on his poor hungover scalp made him yelp. Serves me right, he thought, shampooing his hair.

Slipping out of the bathroom, he dressed in comfortable clothes. Jeans and an Adam's Apples hoodie. He bit back a sob when he saw Adam's name on the shirt. No. No time for that now. He and Rachel had an early flight to catch back to New York and there was no way in hell he was missing it.

On the bed, Blaine began to stir. "Kurt" he mumbled softly.

"Blaine, I have to go. We have a plane to catch." He resisted the urge to run his hand through those black curls. It wasn't right.

"Love you," mumbled Blaine. "Call me when you get back to school."

"I will."

Quickly tossing his crumpled suit and his cosmetic bag into his overnight bag, Kurt left the room, carefully and quietly closing the door.

He hadn't said he loved him back.

The flight back to New York was torture. Rachel kept giving him knowing looks and he refused to talk about it. Exhausted, he kept his eyes closed to shut her out, drank a lot of water, and thought again that he deserved every minute of this hangover.

After dropping off his bag at home and heading out on the subway, he arrived at Adam's dorm. He sent him a text.

_ I'm outside your building. Can we talk?_

Heart pounding, Kurt waited for the response.

_Sure handsome, come on up._

The intercom buzzer sounded to let Kurt into the building.

When he got upstairs, Adam opened the door in sweats and a t shirt, hair adorably rumpled, ear buds hanging from his shoulders, rubbing his sleepy eyes.

He was gorgeous.

"Adam, can we talk?"

Adam nodded sleepily, sitting down on his bad as Kurt stood.

"This is hard for me."

"I made a huge mistake last night."

A hurt expression passed over Adam's face, which he quickly tried to hide.

"I don't know how to say this so I'm just going to say it. I got drunk and had sex with my ex boyfriend."

"Wow," said Adam. "After the wedding?"

"Please don't hate me."

"Kurt."

"I am so sorry."

"Kurt."

"I wouldn't blame you if you wanted kick me out of the Apples and set fire to all my clothes and unfriend me and never speak to me again and I AM SO….."

"KURT!"

Kurt stopped talking.

"I'm listening." said Adam. "I don't own you. We had one date and one kiss. Please, just stop apologizing!"

Adam had tears in his eyes.

"Kurt, we had one date. One kiss. You didn't cheat on me."

Adam was clearly trying to be brave. The feelings that showed on his face were contradicting his words.

Kurt didn't deserve his kindness.

"Kurt, please go on. I want to hear this." (_Even if it hurt_s, he thought to himself.)

"I just…." Kurt gulped. "I wanted to be honest with you. Whether we are together or not…and you're right, we never really did define what we are but….you are so important to me and you were the first person I thought of the MINUTE I woke up and, oh God….."

After seeing Adam's tears, Kurt felt a tear slip down his own cheek.

"So that's it. I'm a cheater. I'm as bad as Blaine, who I've complained about for so long, and I'm no better. God, I suck."

"Kurt…"

"No, wait. Let me get this out. You are so important to me Adam. You make living in this city bearable, you make this school bearable, and you're always there for me, and I know that being lied to hurts more than actually being cheated on sometimes,

and I just couldn't do that. I couldn't lie to you and pretend this didn't happen. I can't do that to you. You are so much more important to me than that."

Adam took a deep breath.

"My turn?" he asked, reaching for Kurt's hand and taking it in his. Kurt nodded.

"Kurt, I can't say I'm not hurt. But I'd be a hippocrite if I judged you for this. First of all, we never said we were exclusive. "

Trying not to get lost in those enormous blue eyes holding his gaze, Adam gently wiped away a tear from Kurt's face with his fingers and continued.

"And I've been in your shoes. About a year ago I got drunk and slept with my roommate. I mean, he was my roommate then. I wasn't in a relationship, so there was no question of whether I was cheating or not…"

Kurt flinched.

"…but still, I woke up in a panic the next morning because I was in the wrong bed, and because it was not something I intended to do."

He saw relief wash over Kurt's face.

"Really?"

"Yes, Kurt, really."

Suddenly Adam found himself on his back on his bed with the air knocked out of his lungs.

Kurt had tackle-hugged him.

"Oh my God. I'm so sorry," Kurt said, sitting up quickly. "I'm just so relieved. You have no idea."

Adam grinned.

"You don't hate me?"

"No I don't hate you Kurt. But I do think you need a little time to deal with the fallout from this weekend. I can't say it doesn't hurt a little. But it's okay. You're not getting rid of me that easily."

Kurt was stunned.

"It's much too early for us to be talking about being exclusive in my opinion. But eventually…..when you've sorted out your feelings and decide what you want… when you're ready to talk about it, it's something I would be very interested in. Being in an exclusive relationship with you.

If that's what you want. When you're ready. When I'm ready. But I'm not ready to talk about that yet, and I don't think you are either."

"I've never cheated on anybody before, I swear."

"Kurt. I know that. And you did not cheat on me!"

"God Adam. Thank you. You have no idea….God, you're perfect."

"Oh believe me, I am so far from perfect. "

Adam got up off the bed.

"And now Mr. Hummel, I believe I owe you brunch. You paid last time."

"Really? After what I did you still want to hang out with me?"

"Yes, really," said Adam, giving Kurt a quick rub on the back as he stood up and headed for his closet. "Now get out, gorgeous, I need to get dressed."

"I…I..I'll meet you in the lobby." Kurt replied, blushing.

"Sounds like a plan. Nice hoodie by the way."

Kurt grinned down at Adam's name on his chest and headed out the door.

As he headed back down the stairs to the lobby of Adam's dorm, Kurt's phone rang. A call from Blaine.

He let it go to voicemail.

At the bottom of the stairs, he bumped into someone. "Nice hoodie," the other guy sneered. One of Rachel's groupies. Great.

"Thanks," Kurt sniffed.

Picking up his phone, he texted Blaine.

_Leaving to eat now. Will call you tonight._

_OK. Love you._

Kurt didn't answer.


	2. Chapter 2

The cafe was warm and crowded and charming and just a little too sunny for a boy nursing a hangover.

Picking at his fruit salad and silver dollar pancakes, Kurt was starting to feel a little better.

His phone vibrated with a text from Rachel.

_SO WHAT HAPPENED?_

Kurt let out a heavy sigh and rubbed a hand over his face.

Adam sat quietly across from him, his forehead creasing with worry, but he said nothing.

"Sorry, It's just Rachel. I….."

Kurt paused.

"It's okay Kurt. I'm a big boy. You can talk about it if you want. Or not talk about it. I can take it."

Kurt snickered.

"That's what she said," he answered quietly.

Adam laughed brightly, and the tension between them was gone.

Well, mostly.

"It's just Rachel," Kurt said. "I ignored her the whole flight home and she can't stand it. So anyway, how was your weekend?"

"Oh, the usual."

In a more formal, clipped British accent than his usual speech, Adam said haughtily,

"Polo date with Prince Harry. Tea at the palace."

Kurt tried not to swoon.

Adam lifted his tea in a mock toast to Kurt, pinky finger ridiculously extended.

"Nice." said Kurt, grinning now. "Harry's hot."

"I'll tell his majesty you said so," Adam returned, his smile finally reaching his eyes. "Actually I had a rehearsal for…."

"Well, look who it is. Adam. Freaking. Crawford. How have you been buddy? You trying to avoid me?"

Kurt watched in amazement as Adam turned several shades of red, his beautiful mouth gaping.

"Tommy," Adam managed. "How are you?"

The guy looked familiar to Kurt. A bit stocky with a round belly, the scruffy beginnings of a beard, straight brown hair and beautiful blue eyes, with a cocky smile and perfect teeth. He sparkled with life and charm and was very attractive.

He looked at Kurt. "You're in my Shakespeare class."

"Guilty as charged." responded Kurt.

"So Adam, who are you rooming with this year?" said the stranger.

"I got the RA job, so I have a single. I'm in charge of the third floor. Bunch of hooligans."

"Better you than me!"

Turning to Kurt, the new guy eyed Kurt with an unsettling combination of hunger and disdain.

"Aren't you going to introduce me, Adam?"

"This is Kurt Hummel. Kurt, this is Tommy Albright, my old roommate."

Kurt raised one perfect eyebrow at Tommy and took his hand.

"Pleasure."

"Oh the pleasure's all mine, Kurt" purred Tommy, stroking his thumb over Kurt's hand. Tommy smirked. "Or should I say Adam's? Did he keep you _up _late, Kurt? You look like you've had a rough night…"

"ALBRIGHT!" Came a voice from a nearby table full of young men. "Get your ass over here and stop flirting with the freshman if you want to order!"

"Coming!" yelled Tommy.

"So's Brad!" the whole table shouted.

"Have a lovely day boys. Enchanting to meet you, Kurt," said Tommy as he headed back to join his friends.

To his horror Kurt heard one of them asking "is that _KURT HUMMEL_?"

Kurt put his head down on the table and groaned.

"I'm so sorry," said Adam.

"It's fine. So is that the famous roommmate you were telling me about?"

"In the flesh. "

The two of them burst out laughing again, which didn't help Kurt's headache. He waved their waitress down to ask for another bottle of water.

Now it was Kurt's turn to wait patiently while Adam fumbled.

"He….I….it's been awkward ever since, Kurt. Our friendship was never the same.

Something I never want to happen with you. You're important to me too Kurt, whether we end up as friends or.."

Adam trailed off.

"Me too," said Kurt.

"Besides," Adam said, glancing over at his friend across the room, "Tommy's an idiot."

A cute blond guy with his hair in his eyes and way too many rubber bracelets stared right at Kurt and said something to Tommy about an "upgrade." Tommy slapped him on the back of the head.

Kurt laughed.

"His name is really Tommy Albright?"

"Really," answered Adam. "His mom was a big Brigadoon fan. She's not the first mom to do that. Anne Hathaway was the name of Shakespeare's wife after all."

"Mmm. Shakespeare," replid Kurt. "I like Shakespeare." He looked up at Adam over his coffee cup.

Adam's smile started slow and grew into a supernova.

"Indeed."

Hearing his phone vibrate with another text from Rachel, Kurt noticed the time.

"Well, Adam, I'm sorry but I've got to run. Where are you heading next?"

"I'm going to stay here. I have a paper to finish. Merchant of Venice."

Kurt nodded and stood up.

Adam joined him. "Would you like a hug?" Adam asked quietly.

"A gentle one," answered Kurt, putting on his sunglasses. "My head is pounding."

"The gentlest."

Adam wrapped Kurt softly in those amazing arms and held him. Kurt hugged him back and inhaled the smell of coffee clinging to Adam's soft flannel shirt.

_Let me learn from where I have been_,

Kurt heard as music played from two small round speakers above his head.

He really hoped he hadn't screwed this up and that Adam really was okay.

_All must be well._  
_Just give me time…._

sang the voice above him with a trace of a British accent.

Kurt held back on the hug a bit, resisting the urge to snuggle closer. Being in Adam's arms felt more like coming home than waking up with Blaine in Lima had.

But Kurt was going to handle Adam's heart with care, because he had just left Blaine's arms that morning, and his head was swirling with the two men he cared about.

Kurt had some thinking to do and some choices to make, and he was so, so grateful that Adam seemed accepting and patient about the whole thing. Kurt still wasn't sure he deserved it as he stepped away from their embrace.

"I'll see you at Apple's rehearsal on Tuesday then?" Adam asked.

"You, me and Sondheim," Kurt agreed.

Adam looked relieved. "Told you, it's going to be epic, if it doesn't kill us all first."

"I'll be there," Kurt answered. "And thank you. For brunch. For not hating me. For…everything."

"As if I could ever hate you," scoffed Adam, his tone light, his voice a little rough. His eyes still looked a little hurt. But he looked okay.

Kurt really hoped Adam was okay.

As for his own heart….well.

Buttoning up his pea coat and readjusting his scarf, Kurt headed out the door and toward the subway back to Bushwick.

Where Rachel was waiting. And a phone call had to be made.

It was going to be a long evening.

He took out his phone to respond to Rachel.

_On my way to the train home. I'm hungover and my heart is a little tender. Please be gentle with me._

_:( Of course honey,_ came her response. _I have so much to tell you. Hurry home sweetie._

As he stepped onto the platform to wait for his train, Kurt didn't see Tommy back in the cafe return to their table, pull up a chair and ask Adam,

"So. Did you tap that tasty ass? 'Cause_ Damn_."

**_notes: _**

**_T_****_he song playing in the cafe is Below My Feet by Mumford and Sons_**

**_"So's Brad" is a Rocky Horror reference._**


	3. Chapter 3

_____TRIGGER WARNINGS: CONTAINS DISCUSSION OF TEEN DATING VIOLENCE. NOT BLAINE FRIENDLY._

_____________Do you feel like a puzzle, you can't find your missing piece?_  
_______You tell anyone who'll listen, but you feel ignored..._  
_______Nothing's really making any sense anymore______  
_

_____- Talk by Coldplay_

Monday morning i_s_ cold and rainy. It fits Kurt's mood after the argument on the phone with Blaine the night before.

_I'm so glad we're back together, Kurt. I don't ever want to lose you again._

_But Blaine I…_

_No, no, you don't have to say anything Kurt. I know you're sorry too. I know you just needed some time and I'm so grateful you've taken me back._

_Blaine I…_

_Kurt I have another call, hold on…_

_Hey Seb! We're all set for next weekend. I found my ID and I got us a room…_

_This. Is. Kurt._

_Shit. Kurt.….no….I…._

_You know what Blaine, you enjoy your night. And please listen carefully. You are I are not back together. What happened after the wedding was a mistake. So go ahead, fuck Sebastian. Fuck whoever the hell you want, because I am done with you._

_But Kurt…._

_Goodbye Blaine._

Kurt had tried to explain the whole thing to Rachel, he really tried, but she wouldn't listen to him either. The conversation was quickly turned around to her need to gossip about who had hooked up at the wedding.

And then Rachel was lecturing him, saying "you have to choose Kurt, or someone's going to get hurt," and "is that really the kind of person you want to be?" until Kurt had just escaped to bed with a cup of tea and a book.

As he read the same page over and over, he thought, that while Blaine and Rachel were jumping to conclusions and not_ listening_ to him, the worst part was that Kurt had been so drunk he couldn't even remember making the choice to sleep with Blaine or what they had actually done in bed together.

He really needed someone to talk to.

So here it was, Monday morning, and he was walking into his Intro to Shakespeare class. He spotted Adam's friend Tommy waving enthusiastically from a spot near the window.

"Over here Kurt! I saved you a seat!"

Could this day get any worse?

"Good morning," Tommy said in a rough voice before taking a sip of his coffee. "How lovely to see you again."

"Hey Tommy," mumbled Kurt with a scowl.

"Good morning, class," the professor began.

"That's debatable," Kurt muttered. Tommy laughed.

"Now listen up. Auditions have been announced for _A Midsummer Night's Dream_, so today we will be paring up and working on dialogue from the show. Your homework this week will be practicing your roles and then presenting in class on Friday. Tommy, you are working with Kurt Hummel."

Tommy beamed as the instructor read off the list of the other pairs. And then Tommy immediately pulled out his phone to friend Kurt on Facebook.

Kurt, meanwhile, sent a text to Adam.

_Tommy just friended me. He's my partner for a scene in class. Help!_

Rehearsing the lines was fun and soon Kurt was lost in Shakespeare's challenging and beautiful and funny words. The period flew by.

As they walked out after class, Tommy put his arm around Kurt with a hand on his lower back.

"We are going to have so much fun together," said Tommy.

His hand started to slide lower onto Kurt's ass.

"Don't touch me," said Kurt icily, removing the offending hand and tossing it away, as he headed toward the bathroom.

This guy just doesn't know how to quit.

In the bathroom, Kurt's stomach was in knots and he went into the stall to sit down.

That's when he saw the box of flyers on the back of the door. He picked one up and started reading it.

**Do you feel unsafe around your partner? **

**Does your partner act jealous or accuse you of cheating?**

**Do you show signs of injury?**

Absent mindedly rubbing the small bruises on his arms that he'd been hiding under his long sleeves, Kurt kept reading.

**Does you partner blame you for problems in your relationship?**

**Does your partner blame their alcohol or drug use for their behavior?**

**Does your partner violate your privacy by going through your phone or email?**

**These may be signs that you are in an emotionally or physically abusive relationship.**

**You have a right to a healthy relationship.**

**The PATVPN (Performing Arts Teen Violence Prevention Network) is here to help. We are a collective of certified counselors at performing arts high schools and colleges in NY, NY. Our phone hotline is free and confidential to students of any age, race, sexual identity or orientation or immigration status. If you are having an actual emergency, please call 911.**

Kurt couldn't breathe.

_I want you so bad, Kurt._

_I'm just trying to be spontaneous and fun!_

_Who's Chandler?_

_I'm sorry. I was drunk._

_I was lonely and you weren't there._

_This song is for anyone who's ever been cheated on._

His mind was spinning. Kurt put his head in his hands and started to cry behind the locked bathroom stall door.

Until his phone went off.

The sound snapped Kurt out of his emotional state, enough so he could leave the stall and wash up. He washed his hands and splashed some cold water on his face. Drying his hands carefully, he pulled out his phone to read what turned out to be a Facebook notification.

_Tommy Albright: Hey Kurt! Great meeting Adam's new man-candy. Thought you might enjoy this photo of Adam in last year's production of The Taming of the Shrew. Isn't he dreamy? _

It was an incredibly flattering picture of Adam, crouched on the stage, performing a scene while he held hands with a girl with long wavy dark blond hair. Adam's hair was messy, his lips looked full and kissable, and he was shirtless, showing every beautiful curve of his defined chest and shoulder muscles, his long neck, and his powerful arms. Whoever that actress was, Kurt thought, she was lucky to be up close and personal with all that perfection.

The picture was tagged with the names Erin McGowan, Adam Crawford and Kurt Hummel. And apparently it was public, because soon everyone and their mother was commenting on it.

_Noah "Puck" Puckerman: Get it Hummel!_

_Sebastian Smythe: Christ, Hummel, I see NY has been good to you. Good for you._

_Britanny S. Pierce: He's so pretty!_

_Erin McGowan: That's my baby!_

_Winston Chang: Yum! Thanks Tommy. I miss Shrew! (sobs)_

_Santana Lopez: And that, my friends, is how you upgrade from the hobbit. _

The photo had 24 "likes" by the time Kurt logged off.

_You're enjoying this aren't you, _he texted to Adam

_I have no idea what you're talking about, young sir._

Kurt smiled a little and headed for home.

That night was a little rough for Kurt. He hid the flyer from the bathroom in a small zippered section inside his messenger bag, and tried to put it out of his mind so he could get some homework done. Fortunately Rachel was so busy screeching out show tunes that she didn't have time to harass him. He just told her he had a lot of work to do and hid in his room.

He didn't sleep very well.

Tuesday afternoon he headed for Apples rehearsal. It was fun and light and just what Kurt needed to take his mind off that flyer sitting in his bag. Some of the kids were singing a Linkin Park mashup when he walked in, and then once the meeting started for real the Sondheim discussion begins.

Afterwards Kurt asked Adam if he could stay behind and talk, privately.

Adam's face fell.

"Of course, love. I have a key for one of the classrooms near the auditorium. No one will bother us.

Is this about Blaine?" Adam asked, looking wary.

"Yes. No. This has been a hard week.

Adam, some of the stuff I need to talk about is kind of serious and personal, is that okay with you?"

"Of course Kurt," Adam answered gently. "You can tell me anything."

Kurt bit his lip nervously and then took a deep breath and began.

"It's been a hard week. Tommy is perving on me, and I had a big fight with Blaine Sunday night, and I'm worried about my dad's health…."

"What did Tommy do?" Adam interrupted, his face stern.

"He grabbed my ass. I stopped him. But that's not what I want to talk about."

He pulled out the flyer and haned it to Adam. His hand was shaking.

"I found this in a bathroom yesterday."

Adam looked down at the flyer and his face suddenly looked so, so sad.

"Kurt are you okay? Did something happen at the wedding?"

"Honestly, I'm not sure.

I can't remember that night. Seeing that flyer brought up a lot of stuff for me that I've never really thought about before.

I mean Blaine never hurt me…well he did hold me by my arms really hard when he was drunk once….and sometimes he can be a little…I don't know….maybe controlling?

And when I got back from Ohio this weekend, I found bruises on my arms.

Can I show you?"

Adam nods, his expression heartbroken, and full of compassion.

Kurt pushes up his sleeves and holds his arms out to Adam, and then he continued.

"I don't know if I'm making too much out of this you know? I'm thinking about calling but I'm just not sure. What do you think, Adam?"

"I think it's a really smart idea to get help. I've gotten therapy myself in the past. It made me a better man."

"Really?"

"Yeah, my mum is wonderful, but my family's pretty messed up on my Dad's side. He's kind of a madman. It's good for my acting too, that I went digging around in all that dark stuff. Helps me to go deeper into the heavy dramatic roles.

But enough about me…. please go on."

"Yeah. So about us…."

Here it comes, thought Adam.

"I….I adore you. You're honestly my favorite person right now.

And I love spending time with you, going on dates with you…holding you.. kissing you…..

but honestly, with the way my head and my heart are so messed up right now….that's really all I can offer you.

And I totally understand if that's not enough."

"Kurt, that is more than enough. And I think it's very wise of you to set some boundaries for yourself. Very grownup. I mean not that you're_ not_ a grownup…."

"It's fine. This baby face fools everyone. Honestly, I've had to grow up really fast in a lot of ways.

So do you still want to go on dates with me, even if it's casual?"

"I really do, Kurt," answered Adam. "And we should keep the lines of communication open. Sorry, I sound like a therapist now."

Kurt chuckled. "Just so we're clear…we're free to see other people, right? Because I don't want to hold you back while I figure myself out, and there's no way I can make any promises to anyone right now."

"Agreed," said Adam.

"Thank you Adam. I'm sorry to dump all this on you. I'm trying this new thing called being honest about my feelings," Kurt said a little bitterly.

"And now I really need to go."

"Goodbye love," said Adam, bending to kiss Kurt on the cheek ."And thank you for sharing your story with me. You're very brave. And you mean a lot to me. To all of us. Remember that you matter, okay?"

Thinking of Burt, Kurt gave Adam a quick cheek kiss of his own, adjusted his messenger bag, and walked toward the exit and left the building.

Burt. That was who Kurt needed to talk to. It was time to finally tell his dad the truth about everything that had gone down between him and Blaine.

But first he needed to send an email to Blaine.

_Stop. I need you to stop calling me. I am not going to listen to your lies anymore, so stop contacting me. Any voicemail, message or email you send me will be deleted. _

Back in his bedroom in Ohio, Blaine threw his phone across the room. Just before it hit the wall, it lit up with a text from Sebastian.

**Author's note: I researched several websites about domestic violence and dating violence for the contents of my fictional flyer. The content comes from real professional sources. Later I plan to post references. **


	4. Chapter 4

In the noisy train on the way back to Bushwick, Kurt's heart was pounding. How was he going to explain everything to his dad? And was his dad's health even stable enough that Kurt should try?

Would Kurt upset him? Would it be too much for Burt?

He stressed, and he worried, and then Kurt got an idea. Once he was safely inside his apartment (and blessedly alone since Rachel wasn't home yet) he picked up his phone and sent a text to his stepmother.

_Can I talk to you privately?_

_Of course_, Carole answered. _Can I call you now?_

_Yes._

"Are you okay?" Carole asked when Kurt answered the phone.

"Yeah," he said, his pain heavy in his chest. "I don't want my dad to hear you. Where is he?"

"He's out playing poker. He won't hear anything. And Finn and Sam are gone too. "

"Good. Well…I… I'm having a hard time with something. And I really need to talk to my dad. But I feel like if I upset him, he'll…his heart….I don't want to risk upsetting him if he's not strong enough, you know? I mean between his heart, and the cancer, I just feel like I shouldn't bother him. But I really need to talk to him. I mean, you're a nurse. What do you think?"

"Well, he is going through treatment for the cancer, but his heart is stable now, and he gets checked out at the hospital a couple times a week. And if something is that important, he would want to know. Maybe if you tell me a little bit more I can help you."

"It's Blaine. I..." Deep breath. "I know you guys love Blaine, but…. I've been keeping some things from my dad about him. Things Blaine does that really hurt me. Things that are just…not okay."

"Kurt, are you safe? Do you feel like he's a danger to you?" Kurt could hear the shift in Carole's voice, as she switched into professional mode. Kurt wondered how often she had to ask that question in the emergency room, and he shuddered.

"Yeah," he said quietly. "I'm safe. He…we… God this is so embarrassing. You really don't mind if I talk to you? You're not going to be very proud of me."

"Kurt. I love you. And you can tell me anything you want. It's pretty hard to shock me, honey."

Tears were slipping down his cheeks now.

"Well, dad doesn't even know that the reason we broke up is because Blaine cheated on me. And then we kind of hooked up again at Mr. Schue's wedding.

And…and..IwasdrunkandIdon'trememberwhathappened."

"I'm sorry?"

"I was drunk.' Kurt said, speaking more slowly. "I woke up in bed with him and I don't even remember what happened. And when I got home I had some bruises on my arms. And there was another time he kind of hurt me, by accident. I don't think he could ever do it on purpose.

And there's other stuff. I really wish I could talk to my dad. I miss him," he said, his voice breaking.

"Oh honey. Of course you do. It's okay," Carole said soothingly. "I am so sorry you've been carrying all of this by yourself.

Did your dad tell you we have to be in NY later this week?"

"Really!?" said Kurt, weight in his chest feeling just a little bit lighter.

"Really honey. There's a big arts fundraiser in the city and Burt is speaking at it. We should be able to see you Saturday morning for a few hours. Would it be better to talk about this in person?"

"Oh my God, Carole, you have no idea. Now I'm crying because I'm relieved," he sobbed.

He thought he heard a little sniff from Carole but he wasn't sure.

"So how do you want me to handle this with your father?" Carole asked.

"Hmm. I guess just tell him I want to talk about some problems I'm having with Blaine? And just leave it at that for now?

Oh shit, Rachel's home. I have to go. Thank you so much," said Kurt.

"No problem honey. And if you ever need me, you know you can call me, right? Day or night, three in the morning, I don't care. I'm here."

"Thank you," Kurt said gratefully, before saying goodbye and hanging up.

He felt a little lighter.

Fortunately he could hear Rachel talking on the phone as she walked in, which gave him a little time to pull himself together before he spoke to her. As much as he loved her, he really didn't want her in his face until he had calmed down a little.

_I need a hug,_ Kurt texted to Adam.

_You've got one! Are you okay?_

_Yeah. Dad coming to visit this weekend. That will help._

_more hugs! coffee tomorrow afternoon?_

_YES. 3 ish? _

_Sounds good. _

_Goodnight, Adam._

_Sweet dreams, Kurt. _

That night he dreamed about a sweet little bird and bottle of glue and a boy in a blazer. And when he woke up, he wondered when it was going to stop hurting.

But the morning was sunny, and heading off to class, he started to feel a little more hopeful.

In his Shakespeare class, Kurt paired off with Tommy to rehearse their bit from _A Midsummer Night's Dream._ It was a really fun scene. Tommy was Oberon, King of the Fairies. Kurt was Puck, his young servant who helped his master stir up trouble with magic spells, turning the young man Bottom into a donkey-headed creature, and then using magic again to cause the queen to fall madly in love with the poor ass.

At least that's what Kurt _though_t the scene was about. The words were complicated, but Kurt loved getting lost in the beautiful language and the humor of the scene.

And thankfully Tommy wasn't hitting on him today or groping him.

Kurt's next class was Costume Design. As soon as everyone was in their seats, Professor Norris addressed the room.

"Good morning everyone. NYADA is holding auditions for A Midsummer Night's Dream next week. We are looking for more help with the costumes. If any of you are new to NYADA and have any costume design experience, could you please raise your hand?"

Kurt's hand shot up

"Kurt Hummel?" the professor asked, consulting her class list.

"Yes, I'm Kurt. I designed the costumes for my show choir back home and for our musicals too. And I recently completed an internship at the Vogue web site with Isabelle Wright. I would love to help."

"Very nice, Kurt! The signup sheet is on the bulletin board out in the hallway."

After class, Kurt was signing up on the bulletin board when two other students approached him.

"Kurt?" asked one, a girl with long sandy curly hair. She was dressed in a loose, comfortable sweater, a flowing multicolored hippie skirt and soft leather boots.

"Yes?" Kurt answered, surprised.

"I'm Erin," she said, holding out her hand. "And this is Winston," she said, gesturing to a striking-looking Asian boy with cheekbones to die for, jet black hair in gentle spikes, and the lean, elegant body of a dancer. He was dressed in black skinny jeans and a black hoodie with a white zipper.

Winston and Kurt checked each other out for a moment and then Kurt shook himself and returned his eyes to Erin's.

"Why do you look familiar?" he asked her.

Erin's smile was mischievous. "I'm in that picture of Adam that Tommy put on your Facebook page. You know, the one where he's all shirtless and gorgeous?"

"Oh my God, yes! That was so embarrassing! Nice to meet you. You too, Winston," said Kurt, shaking both their hands.

"I'm signing up for costumes too," Erin continued. "And I'm also auditioning. Professor Norris lets us work on the costumes for our class project if we want to, so it leaves plenty of time for both."

"Me too," said Winston. "Erin and I were both in_ The Taming of the_ _Shrew_ last year and we're both auditioning again. You should too!"

"I don't know," Kurt said, remembering his disastrous audition for West Side Story, and the laughter of his teachers when he tried to do Shakespeare with Rachel.

There was an awkward pause before Winston said, "I'm starving. Who wants lunch?"

Soon Kurt was chatting away at a lunch table with Erin and Winston about Shakespeare and dancing and NYADA. They almost seemed like old friends.

Winston was carrying a pile of flyers for an 18 plus dance night coming up, held by the NYADA Gay Straight Alliance at a nearby night club. "Are you going?" Winston asked Erin, as he was also shooting a quick questioning glance at Kurt.

"Kurt, I don't mean to be nosy, but I'm just going to be direct," said Winston. "Tommy implied on Facebook that you and Adam were together, and I don't want to presume anything, but these nights are so much fun. Do you want to come with us? I mean, you don't actually have to be queer to go, but I…."

"That's okay," Kurt answered with a small laugh. He felt like he could talk to Winston and Erin. "Yes, I'm gay. And Adam is great. I've been on one date with him but that's it. I recently came out of a horrible nasty breakup and I'm not ready for anything serious. "

"We meet here on Saturday night at seven and there's a van that takes us over to the club," Winston continued.

"Here, give me one of those," said Kurt, grabbing at the flyers. Winston laughed.

"I'll be there too," said Erin, smiling.

"I'll think about it. And thanks," Kurt said before they all headed off to their next classes.

When it was almost three, Adam was waiting for Kurt in the campus coffee shop when he got a text from Erin.

_Met the famous Kurt today. Nice guy. Such sad eyes though!_

And just then Kurt walked in.

Adam stood up to offer Kurt a hug.

And Kurt squeezed Adam back.

Hard.

"Everything okay?" asked Adam.

"Yeah, I'm okay" Kurt said, ending the hug and sitting down with his coffee. "I talked to my stepmother about Blaine a little. I'm psyching myself up to tell my dad everything on Saturday."

"Really? Wow. Is that scary? I can't imagine talking to my dad about that kind of thing."

"My dad is amazing. My stepmom is pretty great too, I have to admit. I've been wanting to talk to my dad about this for a long time."

"So," Kurt asked, "what's new with you?"

"Well actually, I need to talk to you about something. I hope this isn't too awkward."

Shit, what now, thought Kurt.

"So. Before I met you I made a date to go to a wedding. With my old boyfriend, Stavros."

"A wedding. You're kidding," said Kurt a little sharply.

"Ironic. I know," continued Adam. "Once upon a time we were serious, and now we get together occasionally when we're both single. And he asked me to go to his sister's wedding in Philadelphia. And I said yes. It's on Saturday.

Now if you and I were in a relationship, nothing would happen, but to be perfectly honest…" Adam paused.

"Something is going to happen," Kurt said gently.

"Probably. "

And the pain in Kurt's chest got a little worse.

"Are you okay, Kurt? You look really sad today. I mean you did when you came in."

"Yeah, I'm okay." Kurt attempted a small smile.

Adam smiled gently back, searching Kurt's face with concern.

"I've been really hurting today about all this crap with Blaine.

Stavros is a cool name," Kurt said, trying to think of something positive to say.

"He's Greek."

"Can I ask you something?" Kurt said. "Hypothetical question. Just out of curiosity, what would have happened if we _were_ together now?"

Adam looked surprised. He sipped his tea and continued. "I still would have gone I guess, but I wouldn't be staying with him. I'd get a hotel or something. I was close to his family once, and his sister sent me an invitation of my own.

Maybe I would have asked if I could bring you. But even if we were together, this was planned before I met you.

I'm not in love with him anymore. It was great once. It ended."

Adam shrugged.

"It wasn't really that dramatic at the end. We just kind of….faded out. But he's still my friend. And his sister and I were close once, so I'm glad she invited me, you know?"

"How long ago did you break up?" asked Kurt.

"Almost two years ago. The end of my sophomore year."

Kurt nodded and took a sip of his coffee. He didn't really have much else to say, so he just sat for a moment. "So tell me about your day," Kurt said quietly.

Adam took a sip from his cup. "Well my Adolescent Psych class was really interesting today. We were talking about….Kurt, what's wrong?"

All of a sudden Kurt was dizzy. His conversation with Carole the night before, along with dreaming about Blaine, had both upset him and he hadn't slept much. He had powered through his classes, but suddenly it all caught up to him. He felt sick and the room was spinning. Apparently it showed, because Adam was moving to the chair next to him and putting his arm around him.

"Dizzy. Didn't sleep much last night."

"Look, I swear I'm not trying to hit on you Kurt, but we're right near my building. Do you want to take a nap for an hour or two? I can do my homework while you sleep. I'll behave, I promise."

Adam put his hands up in a position of surrender.

Kurt thought for a minute. "That actually sounds really good. And I have to meet Tommy in your building to practice in a couple hours anyway. As long as you know I just want to sleep," Kurt said, looking firmly at Adam with a challenge in his beautiful eyes.

"I know," said Adam. "Let's go."

Kurt was stumbling by the time they got to Adam's room. Fortunately there was no one in the hallway to make fun of him or think he was drunk or something. They dropped their bags inside Adam's tiny single room and Adam quickly straightened out the blankets and pillows on his bed.

Slipping off his boots, Kurt hesitated a moment before taking off his striped pullover too. It was the shirt he was wearing when he had asked Adam out on the stairway, and the horizontal zipper at the throat would scratch his neck if he slept in it.

He lay down on top of the covers, shivering a little in his undershirt and jeans until Adam tossed him another blanket. Kurt snuggled up under it, turned toward the wall on his side, and planted his face in Adam's pillow, letting out a sigh.

His eyes closed, Kurt heard Adam moving around the room, pulling out his desk chair, moving books around.

"Adam?" Kurt asked quietly.

"Yes love?"

"Could you hold me?" Kurt asked in a very small voice.

"Yeah," Adam answered softly. "Of course. Just let me set my alarm first so we don't sleep too long."

Adam climbed in behind Kurt, wrapped him in his arms, and in seconds Kurt was snoring, his mouth open, his hair mussed. He was beautiful.

Tucking his face into Kurt's warm neck, Adam soon followed him.


	5. Chapter 5

_Pain throws your heart to the ground_  
_Love turns the whole thing around_  
_No it won't all go the way it should_  
_But I know the heart of life is good _

_- John Mayer_

Kurt was floating. Blissed out. He was crowded up against Adam who was behind him, wrapped up in Adam's warmth, naked together, skin on skin. Adam's strong arms were around him, his warm lips kissing Kurt's neck, and Kurt was getting more and more turned on.

And John Mayer was standing next to the bed.

Singing to them.

Because it was a dream.

One that Kurt was unfortunately waking up from.

The alarm on Adam's phone was John Mayer, singing_ The Heart of Life._

Kurt and Adam were in bed together all right. But sadly, they were dressed. Adam's big hand was warm and soft on Kurt's belly, caressing the bare skin where Kurt's undershirt had pushed up while he slept.

Tragically, there were no lips on Kurt's neck, just warm puffs of Adam's breath blowing on Kurt's throat and his bare shoulder.

And then the pounding on the door started.

"Adam!"

Adam began to stir behind Kurt, mumbling a little.

"ADAM!"

"Just a minute!" yelled Adam sleepily. He got up and opened the door to a panicking Winston.

"I'm locked out. And I…..oh my God. I am so sorry! I didn't know you were with someone…"

"It's fine," answered Adam, rubbing a hand over his face. "I'll be right there."

Winston continued in a loud whisper.

"I'm so sorry. I'll come back later."

"I can hear you, you know," interrupted Kurt with a sleepy voice.

"Kurt?!" said Winston. "Hey, I just need to borrow Adam for a minute."

"I'll be right back," said Adam as he left and shut the door.

Kurt stretched, looking around the room as he got out of bed and stood up. He went to retrieve his striped white shirt and and found it had fallen under the bed. It was wrinkled, with mud on it from Kurt's boots.

Kurt swore.

He spotted Adam's soft blue plaid flannel shirt on the back of a chair, and buttoned it on over his undershirt. It was too big so he rolled up the sleeves. He felt like a little kid, safe and warm.

A quiet knock came on the door, and Adam opened the door and walked back in.

"Lockouts. One of the joys of being an R.A.," Adam said. "How are you feeling, Kurt?"

"Much better. I borrowed your shirt. Is that okay?"

"It's wonderful," said Adam with a broad smile. "Looks good on you," Adam said. Stepping toward Kurt and pulling him close, Adam leaned in for a kiss.

One that Kurt happily returned, sweet, slow and deep.

They came up for air, but were still holding each other.

Kurt looked up at Adam.

"You are way too good to me. I don't want you to feel like you have to take care of me all the time."

Adam chuckled and held Kurt closer. "It's not as if holding you is a_ chore," _ he whispered low in Kurt's ear.

Kurt shivered.

And then his phone went off.

"Hi Tommy. Yeah, I'm in the building already. I'm with Adam. Hold on, let me ask him."

"Tommy wants to know if we can meet him for dinner before I rehearse with him."

Adam nodded.

"Let's go," Adam answered. "Only, you might want to do something about your hair."

"Shit," Kurt answered, staring at his hair pointing in every direction in the mirror on Adam's wall. "People are going to give me so much crap aren't they."

"Yes, they are," Adam replied with a huge grin.

Kurt grabbed his things and headed into the bathroom across the hall to try to fix his hair before they headed down to the dining room on the ground floor.

Kurt tried not to feel embarrassed as he walked into the crowded, noisy dining room with Adam. He was a college student now. He wasn't a small town boy anymore. He could hold his head up with pride after walking out of another boy's…._man's_ room wearing an over sized shirt that obviously wasn't his, with his hair sticking in several directions, no matter what he had tried to do with it.

He could handle this.

He followed Adam though the buffet line and filled his plate and then they sat down next to each other at a table in the middle of the room where Tommy was already waiting for them.

"Well h_ello_," said Tommy to the pair of them, not disguising his amusement as his eyes raked over Kurt.

Looking at Adam's plate, Tommy said "Ah, the tofu stir fry. Still a vegetarian, I see."

Kurt turned curiously to look at Adam.

"Yes, I am." he said with a shrug.

"So is my roommate," answered Kurt. "You two can have all the tofu you want."

Tommy laughed at the adorable way Kurt's nose wrinkled on the word "tofu."

"I think it's delicious," replied Adam with a smile. "And you should taste my vegetarian curry recipe. It's amazing."

"Yeah, we all know there's only kind of meat Adam likes." Tommy took his hot dog out of the bun and moved it slowly toward his open mouth in the most obscene way possible.

"You're disgusting," answered Kurt.

Looking at Kurt's messy hair, Tommy answered,

"And _you_ look like you've been well fu…"

"Tommy," Adam spoke over him, his voice low and angry. "That is quite enough."

"Am I interupting something?" a girl's voice asked behind them.

It was Erin.

"Erin!" Adam declared happily and stood up to hug her.

She happily squeezed him back.

"Erin, I want you to meet Kurt," said Adam.

"We met in class today. Good to see you again Erin." Kurt was glad to see her.

"You too Kurt."

Erin took the seat next to Tommy, across from Kurt.

"I'll tell you everything you need to know," said Erin. "Adam is a sweetheart, Tommy is a pig, and the tofu here is disgusting."

Adam looked down and smiled an embarrased but pleased smile. Tommy laughed delightedly.

Kurt let out a laugh and smiled one of his big crinkly smiles. "I agree completely."

"So Kurt," Erin asked him, "Are you going to come to the club with us Saturday night?"

"Yeah, I think I am," answered Kurt.

"Great! How about you guys?" Erin asked looking at Tommy and then Adam.

"I have other plans," said Tommy.

"Me too," answered Adam, praying silently that Tommy wouldn't ask him what they were. Thankfully he didn't.

Adam's phone vibrated with a text.

It was Erin.

_Is he wearing your shirt? _

_Seriously? _thought Adam, who smiled a sarcastic, tight lipped little smile at her

"So Kurt," said Tommy, "there's a lounge down the hall where we can rehearse. Are you done eating?"

"Yeah, I'm done."

"Let me show you where the trays go," said Adam as they stood and moved over to the conveyor belt.

"This is where I say goodbye," said Adam. "I have a staff meeting in the RD's office."

"Okay," said Kurt, his eyes focusing on Adam's.

"I'm leaving tomorrow for the wedding in Philly. I won't be back until Sunday. So I won't see you until next week."

"Okay," Kurt said, managing a small smile. "Have a good weekend."

"You too," answered Adam, his heart in his beautiful blue eyes. Kurt wondered how Adam was ever going to make it as an actor when every emotion played over his face like this. He looked at Kurt like he was a starry sky he'd never seen before, and Kurt could also see a lot of insecurity and worry on Adam's face.

Adam stepped back, his arms open, offering a hug that Kurt gladly stepped into and returned. "Thank you for putting me back together," Kurt whispered.

"Anytime," murmured Adam.

Once Kurt and Adam had said their goodbyes, Kurt went back to the table to get his bag, said goodbye to Erin, and headed out the door with Tommy.

The "lounge" turned out to be a room with a row of kitchen cabinets, a small but fully equipped kitchen, and a table and chairs at one end, with a couch and two comfortable arm chairs at the other end.

"So are you ready for our performance tomorrow?" asked Tommy, standing near the kitchen counter.

"Yeah," Kurt smiled. "I think I am. Rehearsing this part has been the most fun part of my week."

"Okay, let's run through it again," said Tommy, smiling back. They moved to the middle of the room where there was space to stand and run their lines.

Kurt opened his book and began to read Puck's part:

_Now, when thou wakest, with thine own fool's eyes peep. _

Tommy read Oberon's part:

_Sound, music! Come, my queen, take hands with me, And rock the ground whereon these sleepers be…._

They ran through their dialogue a few more times until Tommy stopped and said he thought they were ready.

"I think so too," answered Kurt

"You really should consider auditioning for the show. You're very talented," said Tommy, moving closer to Kurt.

"Thanks."

"So tell me," Tommy asked smoothly, "what's the situation with Adam? Are you two…exclusive?" said Tommy, reaching up and gently stroking his fingers over Kurt's flannel covered bicep.

"No," Kurt said, wondering why the hell he was getting so much male attention this week. Whatever the reason was, he should bottle it. And maybe send it back in a time machine to his high school freshman self.

"I just went through the breakup from hell," Kurt said, moving away from Tommy a bit.

Leaning close to Kurt's ear, Tommy purred, "I could make you feel better. Much better than Adam could."

Kurt took a big step backwards and gave Tommy a death glare.

"Although I have to admit, you do look hot in Adam's shirt," Tommy said with a predatory glance over Kurt's body. "But I can show you a much better time than he can. Trust me."

And then Kurt got really angry.

"What the hell is your problem? Just because I'm single doesn't mean I want _you_. I've known Adam for what, a few weeks?. I don't care who has more experience. I've only had sex with two guys anyway. Who cares? It's not a contest!"

Kurt's eyes were blazing.

"I may not be ready yet, but I will say that anyone who does get to sleep with Adam is incredibly lucky because he's so sweet and hot and just….amazing. I bet he's _amazing_ in bed, actually. I bet he's a lot better than you!"

"Oh come on Kurt, don't take it all so seriously." Tommy moved forward and took hold of Kurt's arms, backed him up to the wall, and leaned toward him for a kiss.

Tommy didn't know that grabbing Kurt's arms to force a kiss on him was a really bad idea.

And just as Tommy saw Adam standing in the doorway, Kurt pulled out of Tommy's hands, grabbed Tommy and spun him around to face the wall, holding Tommy by one arm behind his back.

"Did I say you could touch me? Keep your fucking hands off me!" Kurt was screaming.

Adam stepped cautiously into the room.

"Kurt, let go of him," Adam said firmly.

Which Kurt did, breathing heavily, his pupils dilated. He looked terrified.

Tommy looked furious and rubbed his arm.

"We all need to talk," said the woman standing next to Adam.

"Angela Hampton, RD," she said directly to Kurt.

Kurt hadn't noticed her follow Adam into the room. Ms. Hampton was a tall, elegant African-American woman in her thirties, with an air of authority and long braids down her back.

Kurt was confused by all these initials, but he nodded.

"Do you live in this building?" she asked him.

"No, I live in Bushwick."

"Let me explain then. RD means residential director. Like a house mother. I'm in charge of all the RA's in the building, like Adam. That means Residential Assistant. The RA's are upperclassmen…and women…who supervise their individual floors, and report to me.

I already know Tommy and Adam. And you are?"

"Kurt Hummel. I am so sorry. He just wouldn't stop…I never meant to hurt him. Is you arm okay Tommy?"

"Yeah," Tommy answered gruffly.

"Kurt. I am obligated to keep a record of any physical altercation that happens in the building. And Adam, I'll need a written statement from you as an RA because you witnessed it."

"So, Kurt. Are you a NYADA student?"

"Yes, but I live off campus."

"I see. And who are you here visiting?"

"Me," Tommy and Adam said in unison.

She raised an eyebrow.

"Adam?" she asked.

"Kurt was signed in as my guest a few hours ago, and then he had a scene to practice with Tommy for their Shakespeare class."

"Okay" she nodded. "Kurt, please go on."

"Tommy and I had finished working on our scene, and he was trying to get me to hook up with him. And I said no. And then he started badmouthing Adam. And then Tommy grabbed my arms and held me, and he went to kiss me and that's when I pinned him to the wall."

"Did you feel like you weren't safe?"

Kurt nodded his head. "Yes. It reminded me of…yes. It scared me. But I never wanted to hurt him. I just…panicked."

"Thank you Kurt. Okay, Tommy, your turn."

Tommy was angry. He was furious. He was about to tell Angela that Kurt was overreacting, that Kurt was crazy….but he looked at Adam, his mouth in a tight line, his arms folded across his chest. And he looked at Kurt, looking down at his lap, twisting his clenched hands nervously. Kurt was obviously shaken.

"It was my fault," said Tommy. "Kurt, I never meant to scare you. It happened just like Kurt said, Angela."

"I see. Well then, do either of you want to file a complaint against the other?"

"No," said Tommy.

"Me neither," said Kurt.

"Alright," she said, looking relived. "Do you have anything to add, Adam?"

"Not really," Adam began.

"As you know, we ran into each other in the hallway after dinner. You and I were heading to the staff meeting when I walked by the door to this room, where Tommy and Kurt were practicing. I looked in and I saw Kurt holding Tommy by the arm and yelling at Tommy to stop touching him. You followed behind me right after that."

"Okay. Thank you Adam. Tommy, Kurt, you're both free to go. Adam, I need you to come with me to the office and write up a formal statement for me, as a staff member."

"Of course," said Adam. "I'l be there in a couple minutes."

"Tommy, I need to talk to you in my office before the day is over," said Angela. "But I need to talk to Adam first."

"Great. Just great," muttered Tommy as he left the room.

"I am so sorry Adam," Kurt said. "I can't believe I got you in trouble with your boss."

"Are you okay Kurt? Did Tommy hurt you?"

"No, he just scared me."

"I really wish I could talk to you right now, but I have to go to this meeting. Call me later if you want, okay? I want to hear what happened."

"Sure. Of course. I'm sorry," said Kurt.

"Don't be. As long as you're okay," Adam said.

"Yeah, I'm okay."

Adam left for the meeting while Kurt headed for home.

Angela's office was full of the other RA's in the building when Adam walked in.

"Adam, come in," Said Angela. "Would the rest of you wait outside please?"

The other students headed out into the hallway. Some of them were staring at Adam.

"Please, sit down." said Angela. Adam joined her, sitting in one of the chairs that was placed around a large conference table.

"Look Adam, you're the best RA I have. You're always calm in a crisis and fair to everyone. What's your take on this?"

Adam took a shaky breath. He knew Angela was a good woman and a great boss. He'd seen her handle emergencies over and over, handling drunk students, fist fights and medical emergencies at all hours of the day and night with a steady hand. He trusted her. But this was personal.

"I'll be honest. I can't really be objective here. I'm involved with Kurt, and I was once involved with Tommy last year, briefly. But I think Tommy needs to learn to listen when people say no.

Kurt did confide in me that Tommy…touched him inappropriately. A couple days ago. Please don't repeat that to anyone."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Angela.

"And I'm sure you can understand how difficult my position is. If Kurt wanted to file a complaint, that would be the second one I've received against Tommy, and I'd have to seriously consider forcing him to move out of the building."

"I know," sighed Adam, "You mean because of the guy on the second floor."

"Exactly," Angela replied. "I am going to have a talk with Tommy about it. But on the other hand, if Tommy were to file a complaint against Kurt, I would have to ban _Kurt_ from the building. Visitors only get one strike."

Adam looked shocked.

"I hope it doesn't come to that. And thank you for your honesty Adam.

I will need your statement in writing, before we start the meeting. And Adam.…I don't want anymore trouble. See what you can do about that." Her gaze was piercing.

"I don't want any trouble either."

Back near the lounge, Kurt and Tommy had made a tentative sort of peace with each other in the hallway. .

Kurt was standing, folded into himself, his arms around his middle. Tommy had his head down, his hand rubbing his sore arm. They both looked tense.

"I'm sorry about your arm," Kurt began.

"It's fine. Really. I need to learn to keep my big mouth shut. I won't apologize for being a flirt, but I don't want you think I'm a complete dick. And I certainly don't want to scare you."

"Thanks. Tommy, we have to do a scene tomorrow. I don't want us to be fighting."

"No, of course not. Show must go on an all that. I'm not going to hit on you again. I'm not. I really am sorry."

Kurt's phone vibrated.

"Oh hey, that's my roommate," Kurt said after reading the text. "We're going to take the train home together. I'll see you in class tomorrow."

"Bye, Kurt."

Tommy was waiting for Adam when he came out of the meeting an hour and a half later.

"Look, I'm really sorry," said Tommy.

"You just don't know when to quit, do you Albright?"

"Yeah, I get it. I feel like shit. Did you hear what Kurt said? He said he pinned me to the wall because it _reminded_ him of something, when I held him by the arms. It was like I triggered him or something. And did you see those finger-shaped bruises on his arms? What's going on with him?"

Adam was livid.

"I am not having this conversation with you.

How stupid do you think I am? I overheard you trying to convince Kurt that you're better in bed than I am. And now you want to have a nice chat about how much you suddenly _care_ about him?

Just leave him alone, will you? Kurt doesn't need this. And neither do I."

Adam walked away.

As he headed up the stairs to his room, Adam remembered the fire in Kurt's eyes when he had told Tommy that Adam was probably_ amazing_ in bed.

This boy was killing him.

On the train home, Rachel was impressed with Kurt's brief version of the day's events.

"You've been here less than two months and you already have two upperclassmen fighting over you! This is so exciting!"

Kurt sighed heavily and bit his tongue. Because as usual, Rachel Berry just didn't understand.


	6. Chapter 6

_**Hello readers. I want to tell you about a wonderful person who read my story and sent me a message. She said she had recently come out of an abusive relationship and she felt she had learned a lot from my fictional flyer that Kurt found in the men's room, that I wrote about earlier in this story. I am so glad I was able to help in some small way even though I am not a counselor or a doctor or anything like that. I have permission to share this with you and it means a lot to me. Thank you so much to all of you for reading. On with the story...**_

_Open me up and you will see  
__I'm a gallery of broken hearts  
__I'm beyond repair  
__Let me be  
__And give me back my broken parts_

_Be Ok by Ingrid Michaelson__  
_

When Kurt and Rachel got home they made a quick and simple dinner and sat down to eat. Kurt's mind kept drifting off while Rachel was chattering away about her day. He was absolutely exhausted from his confrontation with Tommy and still felt shaky. His heart was aching for Blaine. He felt jealous about Adam seeing his old boyfriend in Philadelphia this weekend. And he was worried about his dad's cancer.

Kurt was a mess.

"Kurt, aren't you listening to me?" Rachel cut through his mental fog.

Kurt shook himself. This was not how he wanted to spend his evening. He couldn't afford another sleepless night or his grades were going to suffer. He needed to refocus, and fast.

"Sorry. I have a lot on my mind. I need to prepare for a scene in class tomorrow."

Kurt got up and headed over to his laptop. He knew his lines cold; that was no problem. He just wanted a little more inspiration for the part he would be playing in class the next day. Kurt decided to search on line for a version of _A Midsummer Night's Drea_m to watch.

Finally he settled on the 1935 Hollywood film starring Mickey Rooney as Puck. The actress who played Melanie in _Gone with the Wind_ and the actor who played the lion in _The Wizard of Oz_ had parts as well, along with James Cagney, who usually played gangsters in old films. Everyone seemed to be giving it rave reviews, and Kurt loved old classic movies, so he set the movie up to play on his laptop.

Mickey Rooney was amazing. He had so much presence for his age, such raw talent. Rooney threw himself into the part with his whole body. Despite being a teenager, he looked about ten years old, something Kurt was all too familiar with.

Kurt was swept up in the drama and the magic and the glory of Old Hollywood. The overly grand classical music was swelling. The movie was gorgeous visually, but Kurt could also laugh at how over the top it was sometimes...really campy.

And the best part was, Puck was surrounded by idiots and seemed to be having an absolute blast making fun of them. He could get into this.

When Kurt saw a group of children playing fairies, flitting through the dark spooky forest with their long white-blond hair, he suddenly realized he had seen this movie before. He remembered a day when he was a kid and he had stayed home sick from school, and had watched it. It was one of those strange magical days when time seemed to stretch on forever, as he had gotten lost in the sparkly, trippy old movie. He remembered his mom bringing him homemade soup and adjusting his blankets, her cool lips soothing on his hot forehead as his temperature went up and down.

He remembered feeling so safe and pampered and loved and realized it wasn't that different (momentary erotic dream aside) from how he had felt earlier in the day napping in Adam's arms. It was that same kind of dreamy, foggy comfortable feeling. And in the short time he had known Adam, Adam always seemed to make Kurt feel so cherished.

No. Kurt was not going to go there. Adam was probably sleeping with another guy tomorrow, and Kurt was still all mixed up about Blaine. Kurt wished he had never gone to that stupid wedding in Ohio. Why couldn't he have just stayed in New York and been happy with Adam?

What was wrong with him?

He was not going to think about it anymore. And if he needed a little comfort, that's what his boyfriend pillow was for.

The queen of the fairies, "proud" Titania, and her king, "jealous" Oberon were not speaking to each other. They were yelling accusations about lovers and affairs at each other, and they were fighting over a little orphaned human boy they each wanted to possess.

Kurt's heart ached when he remembered his Mom explaining that the fairy queen had promised the little boy's human mommy, who worshiped fairies, that she would take care of him, when his mother lay dying after giving birth to him.

_His mother was a votaress of my order,  
__And in the spiced Indian air by night  
__Full often hath she gossiped by my side..._

_But she, being mortal, of that boy did die.  
__And for her sake do I rear up her boy,  
__And for her sake I will not part with him.__  
_

The king was furious that Titania wouldn't give him back the boy to be his "henchman." Oberon was calling Titania a "wanton," which basically seemed to mean a whore, and the queen just laughed and told her little fairy minions that she had "forsworn his bed and company." In other words, she had vowed to stay away from him.

Maybe he should tell Blaine that. Forget about telling Blaine not to call him. _Hey Blaine, I've forsworn your bed_ _and company. Cause you're a wanton_. Kurt chuckled. He couldn't help but grin.

_What thou seest when thou wake  
__Do it for thy true love take__  
_

The fairy king was instructing the boy Puck to cast magic so that the next creature the queen saw, she would fall in love with. And that was going to be a simple man they found wandering in the forest, whose head they had magically changed into that of a donkey.

_That would serve Blaine right if I put a spell on him to make him fall in love with a donke_y, Kurt thought. _Oh wait, Sebastian is already an ass._

While the queen was singing a lullaby to the donkey and stroking his furry face, Kurt's phone rang with a call from Adam.

"Methought I was enamored of an ass," said Kurt.

"What?!" said Adam

_Hey, it happens to the best of us_, thought Kurt.

"Just quoting Shakespeare at you. I'm watching the old 1935 version of _A Midsummer Night's Drea_m to prepare for my scene tomorrow.

"Isn't that a great old movie? Mickey Rooney is positively_ feral_," said Adam with approval.

"Isn't he?" answered Kurt. "And Oberon wearing that huge crown of twinkling lights is just too fabulous to even deal with."

Adam laughed, the low, deep kind of laugh that did things to Kurt. "You sound like you're in a good mood. I just wanted to see if you were okay. "

Kurt let out a big breath.

"Thanks. Um, Adam...I need to know. How much my conversation with Tommy did you overhear?"

Adam let out an awkward laugh.

"Enough to be thoroughly embarrassed by the nice things you were saying about me," he answered.

_Anyone who does get to sleep with Adam is incredibly lucky because he's so sweet and hot and just….amazing._

Kurt remembered.

"And enough to hear Tommy saying I was rubbish."

"He's an ass," said Kurt. "One I am definitely not enamored with."

Adam laughed at the Shakespeare reference.

"Are you in trouble with your boss?"

"No, no. It's not like that. Um, Kurt. I want to tell you something. I told Angela that Tommy had grabbed you. I said he had _touched you inappropriately_. "

Kurt went numb.

"I don't know what to say, Adam."

"I am so sorry I didn't ask you first, but the reason I did it was because...well. Can you please keep something between you and me?"

"Of course I can."

"You're not the first person who's ended up in Angela's office because of Tommy's wandering hands.

And no, it wasn't me."

"Oh, wow.

Well I guess if I can help someone else, I kind of understand. But I still I wish you had asked me first before you told her. Just don't make a habit of telling other people my secrets."

"No, of course not! And I asked Angela not to let it leave the room. And she said she was sorry to hear it had happened to you. I'm really sorry."

"Well, thank you for being honest with me about it.

Oh hold on. My dad's calling. Adam, I have to go. I guess I'll see you at Tuesday's Apples rehearsal?" said Kurt, remembering Adam's weekend plans in Philly with Stavros.

Adam hesitated. "See you then," he finally answered. "Have a good weekend."

"You too."

Kurt ended the call and called his dad back.

"Dad?"

"Kurt! Great to hear your voice!"

"Thanks Dad, you too," said Kurt, letting the comforting sound of his dad's voice wash over him.

"How's the big city treating you?"

"Fine, fine. How are you feeling?"

"Pretty good right now kid. But anyway, Carole tells me you need to talk to me. Our hotel is right near your campus. Why don't you meet us in the hotel for breakfast Saturday morning and then we can have a visit and talk about whatever is bothering you."

"Sound great Dad."

Kurt and his dad finished planning the details of their visit, and told each other they loved each other, and then hung up.

Kurt got off the phone and returned to his laptop. He was exhausted, emotionally and physically, and he wanted to move on.

As he hit play, Kurt thought about the upcoming auditions for _A Midsummer Night's Dre_am at NYADA. He remembered when he tried out for _West Side Story_ with a scene from Shakespeare with Rachel. He remembered Coach Beiste and Artie and even Rachel laughing at him.

He really had no interest in playing one of the male romantic leads in the show after that experience.

But...

Could he be Puck?

Couldn't he?

A boyish sprite, with a crazy vocal range, swinging the pitch of his voice high and low, growling and shrieking and leaping around?

And wouldn't it be _fun_?

He was more likely to be cast as Puck than either of the male romantic leads, and they were so dull he couldn't even tell them apart anyway. They were also ridiculously romantic. Silly. Over the top. The play must have been the _Twilight_ of its day.

Playing Puck though, giggling over the fools and mocking them and laughing like a hyena, would be much more fun. Sneaking around in the woods, peering from behind trees...making it all his own, not ripping off Mickey Rooney's amazing performance, but drawing on it for inspiration...

This could work.

And, Kurt thought, If I have a baby face, if I look like a little kid, I might as well milk it, right?

The credits rolled, and he shut off his laptop and got ready for bed.

After brushing and flossing and washing up and moisturizing, Kurt slipped off his jeans and stepped into a pair of pajama pants.

And if he kept Adam's big, comfy plaid shirt on when he got into bed and curled up with Bruce the Boyfriend Pillow...that was his business.

Friday morning arrived at last. Kurt had never been so happy to see the end of a week.

He was nervous about acting with Tommy after their fight, but Kurt was determined to do his best and keep their conflict out of the performance. When he got to his Shakespeare class, he and Tommy and he were up first, so there was no time to feel awkward with him. They started their scene and everything clicked. It just seemed to flow.

The acting didn't feel like something Kurt was doing. It felt like something he was allowing to happen as it moved through him. What a gift. It felt amazing. He felt high from it.

Just as Mickey Rooney had in the movie, Kurt brought all of himself into the part, his body, his voice, and his facial expressions. He poured everything he had into it.

Tommy seemed delighted and matched his energy and passion for the scene. They really worked well together. Kurt knew he was never, ever going to end up in Tommy's bed, but as performers, they had great chemistry together.

When the scene ended, the class applauded. Tommy was beaming, and Kurt was pretty damn happy himself.

"Thank you, both of you. Kurt, you were exceptional," said their professor. "You really should consider trying out for the part of Puck when NYADA does their auditions for this show.

"Thank you sir," answered Kurt with a huge smile.

After class, Kurt texted Adam.

_Prof called my acting exceptional._

_I have no doubt_, Adam returned.

Kurt could see Adam's proud smile in his head.

Shakespeare class was followed by Costume Design and another lunch with Erin and Winston. Kurt wanted to ask them something. He felt a little shy about it, but he spoke up anyway.

"Guys, I need to ask you something. Tomorrow morning I'm meeting my dad for breakfast at a hotel near campus. And I live all the way out in Bushwick. Do you think I could change my clothes for the dance club in your dorm?"

Erin smiled warmly at him and Winston gave him a look like he thought he was delicious.

"That's a great idea Kurt," Erin said. "Winston and I both live on the second floor and that would be fine."

"I have a full length mirror!" said Winston.

"So do I," said Erin, laughing at Winston.

"I'll be home around four," said Winston. "We could all eat dinner early downstairs, and then hang out and get ready together."

"I'll be here any time after noon," said Erin.

"Thank you so much!" said Kurt. "If I'm done with breakfast early I have some work I can do on one of the library computers.

Are you sure you don't mind? I just don't want to wear what I would wear to a club, for breakfast with my dad, you know?"

Winston laughed and grinned at him. "Yeah, I do. No it's great. It will be fun. You can meet some more of the people on our floor."

"It's a date!" Said Erin.

"Could I get your numbers?" Kurt asked, taking out his phone and exchanging phones with Erin and then Winston.

"What are you doing tonight?" asked Winston.

"I'm going to have a quiet night at home tonight," said Kurt. "This week has been an absolute nightmare and it's taken everything I have out of me. And tomorrow will be a long day between an early breakfast with my family, and then the club that night."

Winston looked a little disappointed but he smiled. "I understand. See you tomorrow Kurt!"

"Bye Kurt!" Said Erin as Kurt headed for his last class of the day.

"He. Is. Gorgeous!" said Winston.

"Not you too!" said Erin.

"Hey, you know I would never move in on someone Adam likes," said Winston. "But I can still look can't I?" he said with a grin.

"Yes, Winston. Yes you can," returned Erin with a smile.

Back home in Bushwick that night, with Rachel out on a date and the apartment blissfully quiet, Kurt indulged in his favorite takeout he had picked up on the way home, and then a bubble bath. He settled down in yoga pants and a soft knit shirt in front of the TV to catch up on Downton Abbey.

When Rachel got home, she found him there asleep. She gently woke him up and guided him to bed.

She smiled at the plaid shirt she saw laying on his spare pillow. She knew it wasn't his, and she wondered whose it was and if there was an interesting story there.

"Do you need to set your alarm for the morning to meet Burt and Carole?" she asked.

"I already did. Thanks Rachel."

"Goodnight honey." Rachel dropped a kiss to Kurt's forehead and turned off his lamp.


	7. Chapter 7

**This chapter is super long!**

**Trigger warnings: mentions of non-con/substance abuse. May not be Blaine friendly. AU: this chapter diverges from canon. My take on how the car scene outside Scandals, and other events in The First Time (Glee 3:5) might have happened a little differently.**

One of these day Kurt was going to change that really annoying alarm on his phone.

Then again that was the point. It was so annoying it got him out of bed every time

And he needed to get up early, because he had been too tired to lay out his clothes last night.

Kurt stood in his bathrobe in front of his closet. He picked out a casual outfit and a club outfit. The club outfit was simple: black skinny jeans and a snug lightweight dress shirt in a gorgeous shade of blue that brought out his eyes, with his hottest pair of designer dress shoes. He put the outfit in a garment bag along with pajama pants and an undershirt in case he slept over with Erin and Winston. Kurt dressed in a looser pair of blue jeans, his black skull tee shirt and a blue cardigan with matching blue sneakers. He packed a few cosmetic supplies, grabbed his wallet, keys and phone, and headed downstairs. On his way to the train, he stopped by the neighborhood coffee shop for a cup of coffee.

The hot coffee was soothing in the chilly morning, but by the time he got to his dad's hotel the caffeine was adding to his nerves about talking to Burt and Carole about how Blaine had been treating him.

Arriving at the hotel, he asked the gorgeous desk clerk to call his dad's room and tell him he was coming. "Go on _up_," the clerk said with a flirty tone. Geez, even at eight AM the hot guys in New York were already hitting on him. Too bad Kurt really wasn't in the mood right now.

When he got up to the seventh floor, Burt and Carole were walking out their hotel room door.

"Kurt!" said Burt, folding him in his arms. Kurt put down his bag to hug him back.

"You look good Dad!"

"You too kid."

"Good morning sweetheart," said Carole.

"Morning Carole," Kurt said. He hugged her tight.

"Going somewhere?" said Burt with a laugh, eyeing his bag.

"I'm going out with friends tonight and they live on campus. I'm not wearing this to a club," he said.

"Club?"

"Relax Dad. It's 18 plus night."

"Alright. Well anyway, Kurt, I know we said we'd eat downstairs, but the guy at the desk recommended a coffee shop right around the corner. Jake's. You know it?"

"Yeah, it's really good," said Kurt, remembering his hungover brunch date with Adam. The food was excellent. He didn't especially want to reminisce about the day he woke up in bed with Blaine and hurt Adam in the process, but it was a good restaurant that he wanted to go back to again, so he was going to need to get over that.

"You want to leave your bag here while we eat?"

"Perfect," said Kurt, dropping his bag inside the small, elegant room.

The elevator ride was quiet. They were all still waking up, but the cutie at the desk grinned at him as they headed out to walk to the coffee shop.

Jake's was as warm and sunny as ever and Kurt smiled as he settled into his chair.

"What do you recommend?" said Burt.

"YOU should be eating something healthy. Maybe an egg white omelette?" scolded Kurt. "But whatever you get, everything's good here."

They had just ordered coffee and started looking at the menu, when a girl Kurt recognized from the Apples walked up to their table. She wore a Mohawk and glasses and a black leather jacket, and she was also in his Shakespeare class.

"Kurt?"

"Hi!" he answered.

"I'm Nadia. I just wanted to tell you your scene in class was amazing. You're really talented."

Kurt beamed. "Thank you so much! Are you auditioning for _A Midsummer Night's Dream_?"

"Yeah, but I usually end up backstage doing tech stuff," she said.

"Either way I'm good," she said.

"Hi," she said, turning to Burt and Carole. "Are you Kurt's parents?"

"I'm his step mom and this is his dad," answered Carole with a friendly smile.

"Carole," she said holding out her hand to shake Nadia's.

"Burt," said his dad.

"Nice meeting you both. Take care Kurt!"

"You too Nadia. Have a great day," responded Kurt with a big smile.

"Told you they'd appreciate you here," said Burt with a pleased expression.

They made small talk and their breakfast came, and Kurt drank up the comfort of being with people who loved him, even if he was also anxious about their talk. At one point he let out an anxious sigh and Carole looked at him with a question on her face and reassurance in her eyes.

Kurt heard the doorbell ring and watched as Winston and Tommy walked in with a group of friends, and then the pair headed over to Kurt's table.

"Hey Kurt!" said Winston. Kurt stood up to hug him.

Kurt and Tommy exchanged hellos, and Tommy headed back to the table. Winston stayed and chatted for a bit and Kurt introduced him to Burt and Carole.

"I'll see you this afternoon," said Winston.

Burt raised his eyebrows after Winston walked away. Carole just beamed.

"Just a friend," said Kurt, sipping his coffee.

"That's not how he was looking at you," said Burt with a skeptical expression. "Come to think of it, neither was that other boy."

"Dad!"

"Well, it's nice to see you're making friends," said Burt with a twinkle in his eye.

Breakfast was delicious as usual. The check came and Burt took care of it, while Kurt smiled and waved at another one of the Apples at Winston and Tommy's table. A guy named Joey, who was sitting next Nadia, the Mohawk girl. He looked like a Joey anyway. Kurt didn't actually know his name.

* * *

By the time they had walked back to the hotel, Kurt was starting to feel a lot calmer.

"Come on in Kurt," Burt said before walking into the room and sitting down in a small easy chair.

"Do you want me to leave you two alone for a bit?" asked Carole.

"No, please stay," said Kurt. "I'd really like you to be here."

Carole kicked off her shoes and climbed onto the bed where she sat cross legged, leaning back against the headboard.

That left a love seat for Kurt, and he sat down too.

"So you wanted to talk to us."

"Yeah dad. This is hard for me," said Kurt.

His legs were crossed, his foot in the air, bouncing nervously.

"Where do I start.

There's some stuff I've been holding back from you that I really want you to know. I've tried dealing with it on my own, and that's not working for me.

Some of this is going to be hard for you to hear. I was actually so worried about your heart I called up Carole and asked whether I should do this or not."

"My heart is fine right now, and my doc even has me doing all this Eastern mindfulness and meditation stuff. It's a class they started at the hospital. Keeps me calm." Burt smiled.

"I'm as close to a Zen master right now as you're ever going to get."

"Okay." Kurt took a deep breath and let it out. "Well for starters, I don't know if you know why Blaine and I broke up. He cheated on me."

Burt face froze in an expression of disbelief and sadness.

"He showed up in New York one night last fall and surprised me with a big bouquet of roses. And he told me that he had slept with someone else."

The wrinkles on Burt's forehead deepened with a look of concern.

"And I said,_ it was Sebastian, wasn't it._ You remember Sebastian."

Burt nodded. "That tall Dalton kid with the slushie?"

"Yeah." Kurt nodded. "Blaine said it wasn't Sebastian but he wouldn't tell me who it was. He said _that doesn't matter. What matters is that you weren't there and I needed you._"

Blaine had just begged me a few weeks before that to go to New York. He said I didn't belong in Lima anymore. He was so supportive and then when I went, he punished me by sleeping with someone else!"

"I'm so sorry Kurt," said Burt.

"It gets worse, Dad."

Kurt swallowed. He paused for a minute until he had the courage to go on with his story. A tear slipped down his cheek. He really didn't want to cry, but it was happening anyway.

"Will you please just listen until I'm done?"

Burt could only nod. His eyes never left Kurt's.

"One night when I was a senior, Blaine and I went to a gay bar. Sebastian got us fake ID's. And Sebastian asked us both to go, but it was obvious it was Blaine he really wanted.

_Odds are by the end of the school year, I'll have Blaine and a Nationals Trophy, and you'll have khakis and a Lima Bean apron, and that gay face._

And I thought, what chance do I have against a guy like Sebastian? Rich and gorgeous and...why would Blaine want me when he could have him?

Blaine very politely said no, but I was so scared he was going to cheat on me with Sebastian, and I felt so alone and... I just couldn't lose Blaine. So to prove I was cool or adventurous or whatever, I agreed to go with them."

Burt opened his mouth to say something and Kurt held up his hand in a gesture to stop him.

"I didn't drink. I was driving. But Blaine got drunk. And he..."

Kurt took a deep breath and looked down at his hands.

"And when we were leaving, Blaine pushed me into the backseat of the car."

Burt took a sharp breath in but Kurt plunged ahead, closing his eyes so he wouldn't have to look at his dad's face.

"He held me down, by my arms. In the back seat. He was on top of me. He kept trying to kiss me and his breath smelled like beer.

And he kept saying come on Kurt, it'll be fun Kurt, let's be spontaneous...he wanted me to have sex with him right there in the car in the parking lot and we never had, we had never done anything at that point except kiss each other...

And I kept saying_ No, Blaine,_ over and over, and_ Stop it. _ He was scaring me.

There was an ice scraper sitting on the backseat of my car, and when he held me down, he pushed me down so hard that it cut me. The corner of it hit me at just the wrong angle. Right here," said Kurt, laying the palm of his hand on the seat of his pants, on the upper part of his left butt cheek.

It cut me right through my jeans, it ripped them, and it really hurt, and I started crying and yelling at him."

More tears were coming now. Kurt looked around for some tissues and Carole had already found some and was pressing them into his hand.

"So this whole time I'm trying to push him off," continued Kurt as he wiped his eyes. "And then I was finally able to get one arm free and I hit him right in the face. And then he finally got off me."

The dam opened and Kurt started sobbing. His breaths were coming in gasps.

Burt walked over to the love seat, where he sat next to his son and pulled him into his arms and held him tight.

"I've got you," his dad murmured softly as Kurt shook in his arms. "I've got you. I've got you," Burt repeated over and over like a mantra.

Burt's throat moved as he swallowed hard and his eyes were glassy as he held his son in his arms.

Kurt let himself be wrapped up in his dad's love, and let go completely. The keening sound of his crying filled the room.

When Kurt was ready to talk again, he patted his dad's back a couple times. He looked over his dad's shoulder at Carole who was crying quietly. "Love you," she mouthed with a hand to her heart.

Burt drew back, and moved to sit next to Kurt, taking his hand. Burt's pale blue eyes looked absolutely devastated.

"You okay?" Burt asked gently.

Kurt nodded and went on with his story.

"So I hit him, and that got him to get off me. And we both got out of the car, and he yelled at me. He said _You Bitch!_ and then he said _I'm sorry if I'm trying to be spontaneous and fun_!"

Kurt imitated Blaine's hurtful, sarcastic tone right down to the drunken slur in his voice.

Burt's eyes were angry.

"And then he left. He just walked away and said he was walking home. And I was calling after him. I was just standing there.

I watched him walk away, and just when I couldn't see him anymore, a friend of mine came out of the bar and found me."

Kurt paused.

"A friend?" said Burt, noticing Kurt's hesitation.

"Dad don't get upset. You can't tell anyone. It was Dave Karofsky."

Burt looked horrified.

"Did he hurt you?" Burt demanded.

"No, no Dad. No. He was so nice. He helped me. We've been friends ever since he was in the hospital last winter."

Burt nodded. "Okay. Go on."

"I was bleeding and he got the bouncer to come out and help me. They got me inside and helped me clean up and then Dave drove me to to a clinic they told us about nearby.

I had a few stitches," Kurt said, looking down at his lap. He looked ashamed.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Burt asked, his voice breaking. "You were hurt so badly you needed stitches and you didn't tell me? "

"I'm so sorry dad. I couldn't. I was so ashamed. And I didn't want to upset you, with your heart. And I had a show the next night and I didn't want to risk getting grounded if you knew I had used a fake ID to get into a bar.

But mostly I was just so embarrassed and so hurt. Because I was losing him. You don't know what it's like. I just love him so much and I was losing him and I didn't want to go back to how lonely I was before I met Blaine."

"So you were at this gay bar you didn't really want to be at, to keep Sebastian from stealing your boyfriend?" said Burt.

"Exactly. Sebastian was hitting on Blaine constantly and he loved it. Sebastian made fun of me right in front of him and Blaine didn't say a word."

_Oh hey Kurt, I didn't recognize you. You're wearing boy clothes for once._

"And I know Blaine was talking to him on the phone behind my back."

_Blaine told me this morning. I just called for a tip on how to get red wine out of my blazer piping, and Blaine would not stop going on about it._

"One time Sebastian said something in front of a bunch of us at the Lima Bean about a phone conversation he'd had with Blaine."

Kurt's beautiful eyes were hurt and angry.

"You should have seen Blaine's face dad, he looked so fucking guilty. Sorry Carole."

She shook her head with a small smile.

"I just felt so alone," Kurt said, letting go of his dad's hand. And then he paused.

"Your turn Dad."

"I don't know what to say," Burt began.

"I am so sorry you felt like you couldn't come to me. I understand, I remember being 17 or 18 and I certainly didn't tell my parents everything. But I wish you could have talked to me.

When did all of this happen?"

"It was the fall of senior year, the week we did _West Side Story_," said Kurt. It was the night before opening night. You remember. You saw the show when we opened, the night after all this happened.

Remember I was kind of limping around and you asked me if I was okay? And I just brushed it off like it was no big deal."

"Blaine was really off that night!" said Burt, with a surprised look on his face as he put the pieces together in his memory.

"That kid is usually so polished when he performs, but he kept messing up his lines, and screwing up his dance steps that night. And you were great, you always are Kurt," said Burt.

Kurt smiled a little.

"But yeah, you moved like it was hard for you to walk, like you were in pain," Burt remembered.

"So you made up that story about getting hurt at a dance rehearsal for the show, huh?"

"Dad, Artie didn't give Officer Krupke any dance moves in that show."

"Well shit," answered Burt.

"So anyway," Kurt continued, "Yeah, Blaine was really hungover on opening night, and he kept screwing up. The next night he was amazing. But I wasn't speaking to him then."

"Really?"

"We almost broke up dad. I was so hurt by how he treated me. After the show on opening night, we all went out to Breadstix, the whole cast and crew. I didn't sit with Blaine at the restaurant. I didn't even talk to him. He kept trying to apologize."

_I'm so sorry Kurt. You mean everything to me. What can I do? How can I make it better?_

"I even left early, just to get away from him. And I didn't talk to him for about a week."

"Is that why he kept sending you flowers that week? I thought you had..."

Burt hesitated.

"What?" asked Kurt.

"I..."

"Dad. Please tell me."

"I thought you guys had...I thought you had slept with Blaine for the first time, and I thought he was sending you those flowers because..."

His dad was blushing.

"I thought he was all...in love with you or something, and you know I love you the just way you are, but you're my little BOY and I just...didn't want to think about the reason your boyfriend was suddenly sending you all those flowers!"

Kurt's eyes grew wide.

"Oh Dad. No. I couldn't even look at him then."

"Then?"

"Can I talk about sex?" Kurt blurted out, his cheeks flaming red, looking at his dad, and then Carole. "Is that going to bother you guys?"

"Go ahead," Burt managed.

"Of course you can," said Carole, more calmly than her husband.

Kurt nodded.

"We did sleep together a few weeks later, after we made up." Kurt said softly, looking away from them. "I have no regrets about that."

"Okay," Burt nodded. "He treat you right?" he asked gruffly.

"Yeah Dad," Kurt answered. "By then, Blaine had apologized to me so many times. Once he sobered up and realized he had hurt me, he was horrified that I had to get stitches because of him."

_What can I do Kurt? It's killing me that I hurt you. I'll do anything. I promise, I will never hurt you again as long as I live. Let me make it up to you. I'm so sorry._

"So I forgave him."

Kurt took in a deep breath.

"I even apologized for not wanting to have sex with him in the car."

_I'm sorry too. I wanted to be your gay bar superstar, but try as I might, I'm still just a silly romantic._

"WHAT!?" yelled Burt.

"Burt," Carole said, her eyes warning him.

Burt closed his eyes, and very intentionally took a few deep, even breaths.

"I'm sorry. I'm really trying to stay calm here. Go ahead, Kurt."

Kurt sighed. His eyes were glistening. "I told him I was sorry. What is wrong with me?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all, said Carole fiercely. "You are a wonderful person!"

"Damn right," said Burt.

Carole continued.

"And it sounds like Sebastian was really scaring you, and Blaine was doing nothing to reassure you about that."

Kurt looking up at Carole in surprise. "That's right. That's exactly right.

I'm going to tell you guys something else. I never thought I'd be discussing my romantic fantasies with my dad but right now I really need to. I want to show you something on my bucket list."

Kurt reached for his phone and started scrolling through it. He didn't see Burt's eyes getting bigger and bigger, or the way Carole warned Burt sternly with her eyes.

Finally Kurt found that entry on his bucket list and read it out loud.

_"Have relations on a dewy meadow of lilac with Taylor Lautner, before he gets fat."_

"I know Dad. Don't say a word. It's stupid, but it was personal, and I had trusted Blaine with it.

And do you know what he said when he grabbed me and I said no? He said

_I know you wanted to do it in a field of lilacs with Sting playing and all that, but who cares where we are_?

He made_ fun_ of me dad. I loved him and he was _teasing_ me."

Kurt's voice broke.

"I mean honestly Dad? That hurt more than anything else. More than scaring me or holding me down, more than calling me a bitch, more than dancing with Sebastian for hours, more than all of that.

I shared something so personal with him and he just threw it in my face like it was a joke. Like what I wanted was a joke to him."

"That little bastard," said Burt quietly.

"I know." Kurt was on a roll now and it all started pouring out. "So this is the part that's really embarrassing. Please promise you won't judge me.

I hooked up with him at Mr. Shue's wedding."

"You mean the one that never happened?" said Burt.

"Right. God, this is just mortifying. You're going to hate me. I got drunk, and I woke up in bed with Blaine the next morning, and I don't even remember what happened."

Burt opened his mouth in surprise, and then shut it in a tight line.

"Don't say anything. I am so ashamed. You can't possibly hate me more than I hate myself. I was just starting to get over him and move on, and it was so stupid."

"I don't hate you," said Burt.

Kurt sighed.

"So a few days later I'm in a bathroom on campus, and I see this pamphlet." Kurt pulled it out and handed it to his dad.

Burt's eyes got bigger and bigger as he read the questions about deciding if your partner was emotionally or physically abuse.

"And I thought about my scar, and the way Blaine sometimes treated me. And I realized I could answer yes to 6 or 7 of those questions.

And I thought about the bruises on my arms, that I found the day after I was with Blaine at the wedding, and I can't remember how I got them."

Kurt took off his cardigan. Since he was wearing his skull t shirt, it was easy to show Burt and Carole the pale yellow finger tip bruises on his arms.

"They're almost gone now," said Kurt.

"I'm thinking about calling the number on the pamphlet. I want to know what you two think about that."

Kurt leaned back, uncrossed his legs, and waited for his dad to speak.

"I'm still trying to understand," said Burt.

"It's a lot to take in. I am really concerned that you blacked out when you were drinking. I've told you before that you have some relatives who are alcoholics, Kurt. Both of your mom's brothers."

"I know," said Kurt. There were reasons they didn't talk to his mom's relatives very often. Besides being heavy drinkers, they were also pretty toxic people. How someone as sweet as his mom had come out of that poisonous family was a mystery.

"So if you do go talk to someone, you might want to bring up your family history. Because if alcohol makes you make bad decisions, whether it's hooking up with your cheating ex, or puking on your guidance counselor in the middle of the school day...Don't think I don't remember that phone call!...That's something you might want to think about."

"That's...wow. I never thought about that Dad."

"In fact, when I met Blaine, " Burt remembered, "He was waking up with a hangover in your room. Maybe he has a problem with alcohol too."

"And I am so sorry I brought Blaine up for Christmas. I was weak and vulnerable and...

I don't want to scare you Kurt. The doctors say my odds of beating this thing are excellent. Prostate cancer is very treatable, with a very high success rate.

But on Christmas I was thinking about how one day I'd be gone and wishing there was some way I could know that you'd have someone to take care of you if something happened to me. And Blaine just...now that I think about it, he played right into that."

"What do you mean?" Kurt asked cautiously.

"Well..." Burt was looking up, and off to one side, like he was trying to remember something.

"Do you remember that time when I told you Blaine came by the garage to convince me to talk to you about sex?"

"How could I forget," said Kurt.

Burt looked at Carole and then back to Kurt. "I can tell Carole, right?"

Kurt nodded.

Burt turned to his wife.

"So this kid I had met once for five minutes...hungover in my kid's bed...sorry Kurt, but it's the truth...comes into the garage and starts telling me that my kid refused to talk to him about sex and that it was my responsibility to have The Talk with him to keep him safe. He had a good point, but he just barged into my shop, and started talking about it where anyone could hear. It was weird.

That's what Christmas was like, Kurt. Blaine came over to the house one day, and he told me he was so worried about you."

And then Burt remembered something else.

"Wait a minute. He never said he cheated on you. He said the distance was too much for you. He made it sound like the whole thing was your idea! He said you guys were just on a break."

"Oh no Dad. He cheated on me because I wouldn't take his call at work. I had been calling him a lot from work. I could have gotten fired! And then he said it was my fault!"

_What matters is that I was by myself. I needed you. I needed you around and you weren't there._

"Wow." Burt shook his head. "No wonder you looked so sad on Christmas."

"Well," said Kurt quietly, "yeah, I was sad that you surprised me with Blaine. A little. But I was also sad...much more sad...because you had just told me you had cancer."

"Yeah, I know.

But Blaine also told me you were really lonely and homesick. He made it sound like we were the only ones who could cheer you up. He even tried to get me to convince you to take him back, but I wasn't having any of that. I figured that was between the two of you.

I believed him when he gave me the impression that you were just taking a little break. That it was nothing serious.

I was making a lot of assumptions at Christmas that I had no right to make."

"What do you mean?" asked Kurt.

"I thought you guys just had a little fight. Do you remember when you were getting ready to leave for New York and you were putting color-coded stickers on all your stuff, and you didn't want to take that prom picture with you? You said you and Blaine were having problems.

But you two were fine again soon after that.

So at Christmas I was thinking that you two would be back on track any day. Because he lied to me about his cheating. I feel like such a fool. He used me. I loved him like a son and he used me."

"I know dad," Kurt said. "I loved him too," he said, his voice catching.

"You loved him then, or you love him now?"

Kurt let out a sigh.

"My life would be so much easier if I didn't love him.

I mean sometimes he is so sweet and kind. But sometimes he's just a mess."

Burt nodded, listening.

"Oh I didn't tell you the best part," Kurt said sarcastically.

"So the wedding was Saturday night. And the next night, Sunday night, we talked on the phone when I got back to New York. And Blaine was all excited, and he was thanking me for taking him back.

But I never said anything like that. Or if I did I was drunk and I don't remember it. It's certainly not what I wanted.

And then he had another call coming in. And he screwed up his call waiting and he thought he was talking to Sebastian but he was actually talking to me.

And he's all _I got us a hotel room Seb, I found my fake ID, we're all set for next weekend_..."

"You're kidding," said Burt.

"Totally serious. I told him I never wanted him to contact me again. I've ignored all his texts and messages since then."

"So let me get this straight," said Burt, looking angry,

"He's so happy you two are back together, and then in the next breath he's getting a hotel room with another guy?!"

"Pretty much," said Kurt

Burt just shook his head.

"I hear the words coming out of your mouth, but I just cannot believe it. This is not the Blaine I thought I knew."

"I know," said Kurt. He felt so relieved that he was being understood at last.

"It's like he's two different people or something. It's so confusing!" said Kurt.

Kurt turned to his stepmother. "Carole, what do you think?"

"What a story," said Carole.

"I think you're incredibly brave and I'm really honored that you included me today."

"I actually called Carole first," Kurt told his dad. "I asked her if she thought your heart could handle hearing about all this. I couldn't stand it if I ever did something that made you have a setback."

Burt let out a sigh. "Kurt. Do you remember that time when you were wearing flannel and singing Mellencamp because you thought it would make me happy, even though it was killing you?"

"Don't do that. Don't hurt yourself because you think it will make my life better, Kurt. 'Cause it never will."

"But I did it because I love you dad. Back then I was pretending to be straight because I thought it would make you love me more. This time I was doing it to keep you safe.

Not just your heart, but I know you love Blaine too." Kurt's voice broke. "I never wanted to hurt you, Dad."

Burt sighed.

"I'm not as fragile as you think, kid.

Look son. We are all gonna get our hearts broken in this world, whether it's by death, or illness, or some other kind of trouble. It's gonna happen over and over, just like the sky is gonna be blue and the sun is gonna keep coming up every morning.

You can't do anything to stop your heart from getting broken, or mine, or anyone else's. You just have to find the good things in your life and hold onto them as hard as you can. That's what I meant at Christmas, when I said you've got to hold the people you love close to you.

I never meant for you to hold onto someone who hurts you and dishonors you the way Blaine has. I thought he was good to you. Now I know better. He doesn't deserve you. He doesn't deserve the incredible gift of how much you love him."

"Doesn't make me love him any less," said Kurt sadly.

"I know buddy. Believe me."

They both looked at Carole to get her input.

"I think getting help is a very good idea," she said. "You've been carrying around way more weight than anyone should be asked to, let alone a teenager. If you find someone that can help you lay down your load and unpack it, that's very important.

There are support groups for everything you know. People who love alcoholics, if you think Blaine might be one. Kids whose partners are violent. We even started a special group at the hospital, for gay kids in troubled relationships. Maybe you can find something like that."

"Good idea," said Burt. "You know Kurt you're living your own life now, and that's as it should be. I get that. I didn't talk to my parents about my love life when I was your age.

But at the same time, I never would have brought Blaine up here on Christmas if I had known what was going on."

"I'm sorry," said Kurt.

"It's your life," Burt insisted. "Who you date in college is none of my business unless you want it to be."

Kurt suddenly thought of Adam, and he couldn't help but smile.

Burt looked at him with a small smile of his own.

"You're wondering why I'm smiling," said Kurt.

Burt didn't say a word, but his eyes were merry.

"It's just...I met this really nice guy who likes me. We're really close. I just hope I don't screw it up because I'm all mixed up about Blaine."

"That guy Winston?" asked Burt.

Kurt shook his head. "No. I told you dad, Winston is just a friend.

His name is Adam. He's the leader of a show choir I just joined. He's handsome and funny and he's so sweet. He's a senior and he's 22. He's British."

Kurt scrolled through his phone until he found a picture of Adam and handed the phone to Carole.

"Ooh. Handsome!" said Carole.

"Let me see that," said Burt.

"And you're a catch, Kurt," said Carole. "He'd be lucky to have you."

"I don't know about that," said Kurt quietly.

"You are honey. You're kind and handsome and talented and you're so smart. And you're hilarious. Any guy would be lucky to have you."

"He really does seem to like me," said Kurt, his disbelief obvious on his face.

"Don't sound so surprised Kurt," said Burt. "Carole's right. You're a catch." Burt's eyes were playful.

"Dad!"

"Senior, huh?" Burt said with a smirk that pretended to be menacing.

"DAD!"

"All right! All right!" said Burt putting his hands up.

"What happens when he graduates?" asked Carole gently.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, is he going back home to England or staying in New York? Is here on a student visa or what?"

"Oh my God. I have no idea." Kurt looked surprised.

"Sounds like he means something to you," said Burt, noticing the look on Kurt's face.

"He does," Kurt answered immediately. "But it's all really new. He can see other people if he wants to and so can I.

I really can't start something serious when I'm so messed up about everything. But he's probably my best friend. "

"Not Rachel?" says Burt with a twinkle in his eye.

"Dad, you know I love that girl but she drives me insane."

Burt chuckled.

Kurt leaned on his dad's shoulder and closed his eyes.

"Does she know about all of this?" asked Burt.

"No Dad. No one does. I told Adam some of it. He's a really good listener. I see you beaming at me, Carole. You can stop that right now," Kurt said, smirking.

Carole grinned even wider.

"But I didn't tell him everything. No one else knows about the scar except David and Blaine."

"Karofsky you mean?"

"Yeah Dad. I kind of buried it all. I tried not to even think about it."

"Can I say something?" asked Carole.

Kurt nodded, still snuggling on his Dad's shoulder.

"Kurt, I told you on the phone, I want to be there for you no matter what time of day it is.

Before you came to New York, my life was so incredibly stressful. It's no excuse, but between working at the hospital and taking care of your dad when he was sick, and making sure the shop didn't go under, I didn't even have a moment to breathe. But that is no excuse for the way we let you down.

"You didn't let me down! How can you let me down when I kept everything a secret!"

"I know buddy," said Burt, "but I think what Carole is saying is that we both _feel_ like we let you down.

I try not to worry you but the cancer has been so stressful and when Blaine offered to travel with me, I was grateful. I'm really struggling here. I feel terrible. I trusted him completely."

"You had no reason not to," said Kurt.

"When I was working in the emergency room, I couldn't say this, but I'll say it now." Carole went on. "I will never ignore one of your calls. I don't care if it it's three o'clock in the morning. I don't care what I'm doing.

I've taken a leave of absence from my job as a nurse, so I can travel with your dad and help support him in his political career, and the causes he's working on. He's working on things I believe in too. The importance of the arts in public schools. Marriage equality.

When I was a single mom I worked long, hard hours for years and years, and I feel like I've earned the right to do what I want for a change.

On Christmas when your dad came up here, I was working. Nurses don't get holidays off. But that won't happen again.

Nothing is more important to me than my family. And you are my family, Kurt. You and Finn and your dad."

"Thank you," Kurt said quietly.

"I may know a little bit about what you're going through. Finn's father was a wonderful man and I loved him very much. I never want to speak badly of someone who risked his life to serve our country. But living with a veteran and coping with Post Traumatic Stress and drug addiction isn't fun.

Sometimes you love someone so much that you're blind to how much they're hurting you until they're gone.

And then you wonder why you couldn't see it."

"But Blaine's not that bad!" Kurt said. "He's not an addict or suffering from PTSD!"

"Maybe not. Although from what you tell me he may have a problem with alcohol. But just because my situation may have been worse, that doesn't mean you don't deserve my understanding.

And there are gifts even in the worst of situations, Kurt. I know you have very fond memories of Blaine. I know you had a lot of happy times too, along with the pain."

Kurt looked down and nodded.

"No one can ever take those good memories away from you.

And I know it's hard to believe, but one day, it won't hurt anymore.

I see so many gifts in my life from Finn's dad. Finn for one. And if it weren't for Finn I never would have met your dad. Or you, Kurt. And you are so special to me."

Kurt let out a long breath.

"And I just want to say again that I am so sorry I brought Blaine up for Christmas," added Burt. "I always thought Blaine was such a gentleman. Always so polite. Too polite sometimes if you ask me."

"Not always, Dad"

"Yeah, I see that now."

"One more thing Kurt," said Burt. "I want you to go to a doctor and get that cut checked out."

"But that was over a year ago!" Kurt protested.

"I don't care. That is the one thing I am going to insist on. You were a minor and you got medical care without my legal consent and I need to know that you're okay. That it healed okay."

Kurt got an idea.

"What if I show it to Carole?"

Burt looked surprised. "If it's okay with her," he said. "What do you think?" he asked his wife.

"That's fine with me, Kurt. As long as you agree to see a doctor if I think you should."

"That's fine," said Kurt.

_I'm going to do this really fast so I don't think about how weird it is that I'm showing my step mother my butt_, thought Kurt.

And he turned around, unzipping his jeans and pushing them and his underwear down a little in the back, just enough to show a prominent scar, a jagged line on the upper part of his left butt cheek, a few inches below one of the two matching dimples on his lower back.

"Well, it's not the prettiest suturing job I've ever seen. But it looks like it healed well. Did it ever get red or swollen when you got home?"

"No," said Kurt. "They gave me a handout. Instructions for how to take care of the wound. And they made me promise to get help if anything went wrong." He pulled his clothes back up and zipped his jeans, and turned back around.

Kurt swallowed hard.

"I pretended Dad wasn't answering the phone, so they gave me the stitches anyway since I was bleeding a lot. They also said that if he contacted them they would have to tell him what happened."

"I made the mistake of thinking you didn't need me anymore," said Burt. "Because you moved to New York, and because you're so strong. That ends today."

"What do you mean?" said Kurt.

"I mean I want to talk to you more often. Not to tell you what to do, but to make sure you know I have your back."

"So you're not mad that I did something illegal?"

"Sneaking into a bar with a fake ID? Of course I'm mad! But what's done is done. I don't have to tell you how stupid that was. So many things could have gone wrong.

But it's not like I never did dumb things when I was young."

Carole choked on a laugh.

"Oh, like you were a perfect little angel?" he said to her with a smirk.

"Dad!"

"Burt!"

"Sorry," said Burt with a grin that was clearly not sorry.

"I am going to change the subject right now," said Carole with a laugh. "Kurt, is there anything else you want to say?"

"Just one thing. I don't want to define myself by someone again. I don't want to lose what makes me me. That's the kind of thing I want to talk to the counselor about."

"That's a very wise and mature thing to say Kurt," said Carole. "There are plenty of adults that never figure that out."

"I love you guys," said Kurt.

"I love you too Kurt," said his dad.

"Me too," said Carole.

"Just don't get used to me sharing everything like this," says Kurt with a small smile. "This has been utterly humiliating. But I really needed to get it all out and tell you the truth."

"Okay, I really am done now," said Kurt. "Completely done."

"Okay," said Carole. "I just have one more comment.

Liking Taylor Lautner is not stupid."

Kurt cracked up laughing.

"Thank you!"

"Seriously," said Carole. "I mean Pattinson has his charms, but come _on_!"

"Wait a minute," said Burt. "Is this about that vampire movie?"

"Duh," said Carole.

"So am I supposed to be jealous of the vampire or the werewolf?" said Burt.

Kurt and Carole looked at each other. "The werewolf," they said in unison.

And they both laughed.

"Ah honey, they've got nothing on you," said Carole.

"Flatterer," replied her husband.

"But seriously Kurt," said Carole, "if we're done talking, I have a surprise for you."

Kurt looked puzzled.

"I booked the hotel's spa services for you. A massage therapist will come to the room to give you a massage, if you want it. And you can get a facial or a manicure or anything else you want. This is on me," she said.

"But why?"

"Because you have had way too much stress lately. You work so hard and you deserve a treat."

"You really don't have to do that," said Kurt.

"I'm not taking no for an answer. Well if you really don't want it, I'll send them away, but don't say no out of some kind of pride or something."

Kurt thought for a minute.

He really had been stressed out lately.

"Alright," he said. "I accept. And thank you."

"Great!" said Carole, handing Kurt a pamphlet. "Here is a list of everything they offer."

"I need some kind of treatment for my puffy eyes after all this crying," Kurt admitted.

"Anything you want," said Carole gently. "And when you're done, we can get room service to deliver our lunch."

"I need to go after that," said Kurt. "And you guys have your benefit to get ready for."

* * *

Later, after Burt and Carole had left the room for a swim in the hotel pool so that Kurt could enjoy his massage in private, the couple returned to their room.

They unlocked the door, and found Kurt asleep on their bed, his hair wet from a shower, wearing a big fluffy white robe and a peaceful expression. Kurt mumbled in his sleep a little when they tiptoed in and quietly shut the door, but he didn't wake up.

Carole and Burt sat on the love seat together and talked very quietly, giving Kurt a chance to sleep a little longer.

"I am turned upside down right now," said Burt. "I can't believe Blaine attacked Kurt, and that Karofsky kid was the one who got him to the hospital!"

"It's so hard to wrap my head around," agreed Carole.

"Having Blaine around the house made me feel like a little piece of Kurt was still there," said Burt.

"I know," nodded Carole sadly.

"And I can't believe how mature he's being about the whole thing," said Burt.

"He's incredible," Carole agreed. "That whole thing about not wanting to lose what makes him an individual in his next relationship? He could teach most adults a thing or two."

"Yeah," agreed Burt.

"Maybe this 22 year old guy is actually too young for him," Carole quipped.

"You're terrible. How could you?" said Burt, pretending to be hurt.

Kurt stirred then and opened his eyes.

"Good morning kiddo. How do you feel?" asked Burt.

"Tired. Relaxed," Kurt answered. "I'm going to get dressed now." Kurt went into the bathroom to put on his clothes and blow dry his hair.

Before long they were enjoying their lunch while talking about lighter subjects, including Kurt's classes, his upcoming audition for _A Midsummer Night's Dream_, and the legislation Burt was working on, with Carole's support.

Soon lunch was over, and Burt insisted on putting Kurt in a cab to NYADA even though it was only a few blocks away.

Sitting in the taxi, Kurt decided he was going to start talking to his dad more often. It wasn't healthy to be depending on Adam so much, so soon after meeting him. Kurt's dad loved him, and Carole was a much bigger support to him than he ever realized. She was a beautiful person and very wise about things.

Sometimes, Kurt thought, you can have two different feelings at the same time.

Like being grateful for Carole, but also feeling an ache in his heart every time he saw her, because she would always be a reminder that his mom was gone.

Or like loving Blaine, whether he deserved it or not, while maybe, just maybe, starting to love Adam too.


	8. Chapter 8

After an unusually warm week for February, the temperature had dropped by the time Adam's bus arrived in Philadelphia. As he stepped out onto the sidewalk to wait for Stavros, he looked up at the tall grey stone pillars of the 30th Street Station building and shivered in the cold. He put up the collar on his long navy blue wool coat, and tugged his soft black leather gloves onto his hands. He usually dressed more casually than this, but he was going to a wedding and he didn't want to bother travelling with two coats. He spotted Stav's beige Toyota Camry at the curb and smiled. Always the practical one.

"Hi Adam!" Stavros got out of the car and they exchanged a quick hug. He was almost as tall as Adam, with a handsome face dominated by large brown eyes and straight black hair. "Here, let me help you with that," he added, reaching for Adam's garment bag. They got into the car and headed for Stav's apartment.

"You look so handsome in that coat Adam. How's everything going?"

"Good," Adam said. "Up to my neck in work for my senior project and the Apples, and auditioning this week for _A Midsummer Night's Dream_."

If Adam looked a little sad, Stavros didn't comment on it.

"We have some company at my apartment tonight," said Stavros. My two teenage cousins. They were out of beds at my parents' house with all the relatives in town for the wedding. Tomorrow night we'll have the place to ourselves."

Adam nodded. He was quiet and he seemed very far away, but Stavros didn't have time to think about that. When they got to the apartment, the girls were there, and Adam quickly washed up, and then they all headed to Stav's parents' house in the suburbs. Adam was quickly thrown into a loud, friendly party for all the out-of-town guests. The amount of food in the kitchen and on the dining room table was staggering. He hadn't even gotten his coat off when Stav's mom was holding out a plate way too full of delicious things for him, and his dad was trying to push a drink into his hand.

Alexis and Catherine were 15 year old twins. They spent the evening giggling together and pointing at Adam from across the room. Every time he looked up at them, they looked startled, and they would put their heads together and whisper and giggle again.

Back in New York, Kurt got out of the cab and walked over to Adam's dorm. Wait, Erin and Winston's dorm, he corrected himself. It was a little weird coming here when Adam wasn't around. Kurt felt a little nervous as he texted both of his friends to tell them that he was outside their building.

Erin soon came to the door and let him in, her basket of laundry waiting on the floor of the lobby.

"I was just coming back from the laundry room. Come on upstairs!"

"Can I give you a hand?"

"No thanks. I'm good. Besides, you have a bag to carry."

Kurt followed Erin up the stairs. The second floor looked just like the third floor where Adam lived. Erin was in a double though, so her room was a little bigger than Adam's. There were two beds and two desks with shelves over them full of books, photos, packages of ramen noodles and other stuff.

The room was full of people. Some of them were Apples: Joey, Nadia, and a couple of others**.** Some of them were strangers. The chairs, the beds, and the floor were covered with people.

"Hey everyone, this is Kurt."

"Hi Kurt!" yelled the group.

"Kurt, you're just in time for a toast," said Rob, who Kurt recognized from the Apples. He had a big flowing Afro and a sweet smile, and a real spark as a performer that made him one of Kurt's favorite singers at NYADA. A bottle of champagne was being passed around along with plastic cups. Kurt dropped his bag and found a spot to sit on the floor next to Erin. Rob handed him a full cup.

"So everyone, we need to raise our glasses to Joey, 'cause he got Jess knocked up and he's engaged to be married!"

"To Joey!" came the cheers.

Joey was shooting daggers with his eyes at the guy.

"Classy Rob. Real classy. I'll have you know that she is my_ soulmate."_

Kurt cringed at the word as Joey took a drink.

Joey smirked. "My good people I am alarmed, I am appalled, I am aghast that you would rain down such judgement on my beloved and me." He clutched his heart dramatically. "And we would still be together when we are old gross and toothless, even if she were not carrying my progeny, so show some respect."

"This kid could be a doctor and save your life some day, Rob."

"Or maybe she'll be a lawyer and get you out of jail one day, my friend," said Rob to Joey with a smile.

"Ooooh, burn!" said Erin. "So when's the big day?"

"The end of June," said Joey with a beaming smile that lit up his entire face. "You guys, I am so stoked."

"To Jess and Joey!" said Erin, raising her cup.

"To Jess and Joey!" echoed the group.

"Old gross and toothless!" said Rob.

"Old gross and toothless!"

A girl Kurt didn't recognize picked up a guitar and started playing and singing in an alto voice.

_early in the morning, rising to the street_

"Always a stoner song," Rob muttered.

_life is short, so love the one you got_  
_cause you might get run over or you might get shot_

_lovin' is what I got, I said remember that_  
_lovin' is what I got, and remember that_

Kurt didn't know the song, but the chorus was basically one line repeating over and over, so he was soon singing along with everyone else, easily picking out a harmony, grooving on his little in his spot on the floor.

After Kurt finished his glass of champagne, Joey offered him a refill. "No thanks. One's enough for me right now." He smiled. "Bad things happen when I drink too much."

"Public Vomiting? Unfortunate hookups?" asked Joey.

"Been there. Done that," said Rob, nodding at Kurt knowingly, as Kurt turned bright red.

Joey gently took the guitar from the girl playing it, and started playing a familiar set of chords as he began to sing another song.

_today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you_

He was immediately drowned out by a chorus of boos.

"No more _Wonderwall!"_

"But I love _Wonderwall,_" protested Joey.

"We're all sick of it!" said Rob.

They were still arguing when Winston walked in. "Hi everyone! Hey Kurt! It's almost four, we should go eat soon," he said to Erin.

"Yeah let's go. They open in a few minutes," said Erin "Alright everyone, you can stay in my room until we've eaten dinner, and then I'm kicking everyone out." Kurt heard their boos as the three of them headed down to dinner.

Afterwards, Erin asked Kurt if he wanted to get changed in her room.

"Yeah, thanks."

"If you want to sleep here tonight, you're welcome to. My roommate is home for the weekend so you can sleep in her bed. These things run late and you might not want to be on the subway alone that time of night."

"If you're sure," said Kurt hesitantly.

"Yes! Sleepover time!" said Erin happily. "Just leave your bag here."

When they were all dressed and ready, Winston looked Kurt over admiringly in his tight shirt and skinny jeans. He noticed that Kurt had only brought a sweater.

"It's going to be freezing tonight," said Winston. "Do you want to borrow a coat?"

"Damn, it was so warm all week I forgot it was February."

"Come on, let's go to my room and I'll lend you one."

Kurt followed Winston to a room a few doors down. Joey was apparently his roommate, because he was walking out the door just as they walked in. He gave the two of them a big smile and gave Winston a hard clap on the shoulder as he left.

_Uh oh._

Winston saw the uncomfortable look Kurt was giving him, and spoke up.

"Kurt, I'm just lending you a coat. I know Adam likes you and he's one of my best friends. You're amazing and you're gorgeous, but I would never try to go after someone he likes. Okay?"

Kurt let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding.

_So not every guy here is like Tommy. Good._

"Yeah, that would be awkward," Kurt laughed. "Thanks. Even though Adam and I are both free to see other people. And thanks for the jacket."

"No problem."

* * *

When the three friends were ready they headed outside and found the NYADA van that was pulled up at the curb. As they rode over to the club, Kurt looked up in wonder at the tall buildings lit up against the darkness. The New York skyline still took his breath away every night.

The van stopped in front of a club with the word _L'Amour_ written on a sign out front in gaudy neon letters. A sandwich board on the sidewalk said 18 PLUS NIGHT. ID REQUIRED FOR ALL. MUST BE 18 TO ENTER. Everyone got out and they walked to the end of the long line of people snaking around the block.

Some of the kids had fake ID's, but Kurt had surrendered his the night he got hurt at Scandals. Dave had let it slip that Kurt's name was not actually Chaz Donaldsworth. Once the bouncer knew that Kurt was safe, he had demanded the ID in exchange for not calling the cops. The club staff were sympathetic to gay kids needing to socialize, to a point, but they weren't willing to lose the club's license over it.

Kurt was going to be himself tonight, and that meant being 19, and staying sober once the slight buzz from the champagne had quickly worn off.

The line was really something. Kurt had never been in the presence of so many queer people in one place at one time. It wasn't like Scandals, which was mostly old guys in flannel shirts, although there were some of those. But it wasn't like a TV show about a gay club either. Sure there were some incredibly hot guys, some of them wearing nothing more than a tiny pair of shorts and an oiled chest under their winter coats. But there were also average people of every size and description and age. Gorgeous people, awkward people, men, women and some people Kurt wasn't exactly sure about. The one thing they all shared was an air of happiness and anticipation.

Inside, the line continued to wind up an old ornate stairway. The architecture in the building must have been stunning once, but it was showing signs of age and in need of attention.

"ID's out! I need to see your left hands!" bellowed a big muscular bouncer in a loud voice. Another guy was checking ID's. Those who were legal had a plastic bracelet put on their wrist so they could drink alcohol. The 18 to 20 year olds got hand stamps instead. Kurt got a hand stamp, and Erin and Winston, who were both 21 year old juniors, had bracelets snapped onto their wrists.

Inside it was dark, which was a good thing, because whoever had designed the interior needed to go back to design school.

"Okay Kurt, remember what we decided in the van. We meet under the huge lion statue near the bar at nine o'clock, and at the end of the night to check in." Winston reminded Kurt. "And if you get in trouble and need to pretend you're with me, the code word is _honeybunch_."

Erin had other friends here, but Kurt didn't, so he appreciated having a friend watching out for him.

Kurt's eyes were wide as he took in the club and his heart was pounding. Erin danced off with a group of other women and Winston stayed by Kurt's side.

"A little overwhelming isn't it?" he asked Kurt.

"It's amazing though. So many people! I remember when I was the only person who was out at my high school."

Winston smiled. "I think that guy is checking you out," he said, nudging Kurt and pointing.

Kurt looked in the direction of Winston's gaze and saw a guy who looked about 16 with a sweet face and blond hair, wearing jeans and an Iron Man t shirt. He reminded Kurt of a shorter version of Sam. He decided to be brave, and he walked up to him.

"Do you want to dance?"

The cutie looked Kurt up and down.

"I don't think so," he sneered. He and a few other young guys nearby were laughing by the time Kurt turned around.

It stung.

Winston was by his side in a flash, pulling him onto the dance floor eagerly.

"You didn't have to do that."

Winston shrugged and smiled. "Don't worry. The night is young."

And he was right. Another guy wearing only a pair of jeans was moving up to Kurt before the song was even over, pulling him away into his arms. Kurt smiled and went with it, until the guy started stroking Kurt's ribs and chest with one hand and then leaned in to mouth at his neck.

Kurt just twirled away, accidentally bumping into another guy wearing even fewer clothes than the last one, and started dancing with him instead. Looking around the room Kurt saw that most of the people were grinding up against each other, which didn't help how self conscious he felt. Sure it was hot to watch, but it was overwhelming him too. When his dance partner grabbed his ass in both hands, he danced away again and went to find Winston.

"I need a break from all the grabby hands. Pretend we're together," Kurt said in Winston's ear and started dancing behind him.

Winston laughed. "I hear you." He curled one arm gently up behind himself, around Kurt's neck, and Kurt put his hands on his waist.

"Is this okay?" asked Kurt.

"Yeah, fine."

"I am so not used to this. In Ohio this would be considered an engagement."

Winston threw his head back onto Kurt's shoulder and laughed, and they kept dancing.

Kurt saw a girl he had just met on the NYADA van walking up to them. "Hey Kurt. Sorry to interrupt."

"Hey Nicole," said Winston.

"Mark is here."

"Shit. Where?"

"He's over there," said Nicole with a jerk of her head in Mark's direction, whoever Mark was. "He looks high as a kite."

"Erin's old boyfriend," explained Winston. "He's bad news."

"Yeah, he's probably only here to bother her," agreed Nicole.

"Well Nadia and I and the other women will keep an eye on her, but if you guys could keep your eyes open too, I'd appreciate it"

"Sounds good. Thanks for the heads up," said Winston, and Nicole took off into a part of huge dance floor with more women on it.

As Winston and Kurt started dancing again, a boy walking by bumped into them. Annoyed, Kurt looked to see who it was.

"Sorry," the boy slurred as he walked away. He was short, with dark curls and beautiful eyes.

He wasn't Blaine, but the resemblance was strong enough to send a spike of pain shooting through Kurt. All of his feelings of being insecure and unwanted and angry resurfaced.

_See me now Blaine? Look at all these guys who want me._

The blue and red lasers and the flashing lights and the loud pounding beat of the music were starting to give Kurt a headache, so he closed his eyes and held onto Winston, and just let himself be in the moment.

Every painful word of the song the DJ was playing seemed to be speaking directly to Kurt about Blaine, and all the hurt and sadness and anger cut through him like a hot knife.

___It isn't easy for me to let it go_  
_cause I've swallowed every single word_  
_and every whisper, every sigh_  
_eats away at this heart of mine_  
_and there is a hollow in me now_

Kurt just let himself feel it all, and feel it, and feel it, until it had moved through him. And he let it all go and forgot everything but the rush of the music and the way moving his body felt. He felt empty, washed clean by the song and the sweat.

When the next song began, he turned to Winston. "I'm thirsty. I'll check in with you later."

"Have fun. Meet you at the lion statue at 9:00." Winston smiled, and moved deeper into the crowd of bodies on the dance floor.

Kurt headed over to the bar and bought himself a diet Coke.

As he sipped it and looked around, he was stunned to see a familiar face. Sebastian Smythe was sitting at the bar in all of his obnoxious long-limbed glory. Sebastian was wearing a pair of gorgeous black designer slacks with a subtle pinstripe, and a green shirt that did amazing things for his eyes, not that Kurt had ever noticed them.

Kurt's heart fell.

All the jealousy came flooding back when he saw Sebastian. Kurt remembered a conversation he had once had with Blaine in his room. Kurt had asked if he was boring, sexually. What he was really wondering was how he could ever measure up to Sebastian. How long would it take before Blaine ended up in Sebastian's bed? Not long, as it turned out.

The song Kurt heard playing was perfect for the moment.

_there must be poison in those finger tips of yours_

Kurt walked up to the bar. "Sebastian," he said coldly.

"Kurt!" said Sebastian with a warm smile. "What are you doing here?"

"I live here. I should be asking you that."

"I had an interview at Columbia yesterday."

"Nice," said Kurt grudgingly.

"Nothing but the best," said Sebastian, his expression smug. He raked his eyes over Kurt's body.

"Seriously?"

"What?" said Sebastian with a cocky grin.

"I just came over to say you can have Blaine. He's all yours." He waited for the arrogant sneer, but Sebastian only looked confused. Something was off.

"I am with Blaine, Killer. I have been for weeks."

"Oh please," Kurt scoffed. "Then why did he hook up with me on Valentine's Day?"

"You're lying. He sent me a dozen red roses on Valentine's Day. And he asked me to be his boyfriend. But said he couldn't see me that weekend because had to go to a wedding."

"Yeah, where he hooked up with me."

Sebastian's beautiful mouth was hanging open in disbelief.

"Here, let me show you." Kurt took out his phone and scrolled through weeks worth of texts from Blaine professing his love for Kurt.

"Look at this. From last week."

_I'm so grateful we're back together Kurt. You're my soulmate._

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Sebastian took out his own phone and handed it over.

_I love you Sebastian._

_I'm so glad we're finally together. It was worth the wait._

"And here's what he wrote after I thanked him for the roses."

_Anything for you, my love._

"He's been playing us both!" said Kurt.

"That little shit!" yelled Sebastian.

And suddenly the world shifted. Night was day, black was white, up was down, and Sebastian Smythe was an ally. The two boys burst out laughing, the kind of laugh that takes over your whole body until you're bent over and gasping for air. Tears were running down Sebastian's face, and Kurt thought he was going to pee himself.

"I need the bathroom," said Kurt. "Come on, we can talk about this some more in the men's room."

Sebastian raised his eyebrows and looked at Kurt with a dirty grin.

"No, you pervert." Kurt said with a laugh. "I have to pee! Come on."

And Kurt found himself dragging Sebastian by the hand into the men's room.

Of a gay club.

In New York City.

It was a world gone mad.

When he was done, Kurt zipped up and washed his hands.

"Do you want to know how I found out?" asked Kurt.

"Found out what?" said Sebastian cautiously.

"That you were with Blaine. He made a mistake with the call waiting on his phone. He said all this stuff to me he thought he was saying to you. About his fake ID and you two getting a room and everything. Wait, aren't you supposed to be with Blaine this weekend? Oh shit. He's not here is he?"

"He's not here. Blaine just assumed I was free this weekend when he booked that room near Scandals. I told him I had college interviews in New York, but Blaine isn't very good at hearing things he doesn't want to hear."

"Don't I know it," said Kurt. "So you screwed up his plans by coming to New York?"

"Yup. And I told him I wasn't interested in being exclusive right now. He doesn't listen about that either."

Kurt let it all sink in for a moment.

"Why do you think Blaine is like this?" he asked quietly.

Sebastian folded his long arms and considered Kurt briefly.

"Oh why not," he muttered quietly.

"A lot of people would love to have Blaine's problems. Rich parents, big beautiful house, brains, talent, charm. But his family is kind of cold. His dad in particular. And you know Blaine. He needs a lot of attention. And Doug is never going to be the kind of warm cuddly dad Blaine needs. His mom isn't really very nurturing either."

"Go on," said Kurt.

"At Dalton, Blaine had a family. He lived in the dorms and you know how awesome a lot of those Dalton guys are. The Warblers were his brothers in those days. But when he transferred to McKinley he lost that. He went home to a big empty house every night because his parents are always off traveling, or working late, or at some charity event. They show their love by throwing their money at people or at causes. They're good people, but they're just not what Blaine needs. He needs constant attention. He's like a puppy. It's exhausting dating him. I'm sure don't have to tell you that."

Kurt gave Sebastian a tiny smile.

"Doug throws him a bone once in a while and gives him some attention, but he's really not that interested in Blaine. And Doug will sleep with any woman with a pulse.

I know what you're thinking. What right do I have to judge? Well for one thing, I'm not married. And Blaine... if you ask me, it kind of makes sense that he would string us both along, to make sure he has always has someone to lean on. I don't think Blaine can stand the idea of being alone.

"Wow," said Kurt. "I just learned more about Blaine's family from one conversation with you than I did in over a year of dating him," he said bitterly.

"Well, I'm just telling you how I see it. Our dads play golf together." Sebastian shuddered. "Those country club guys are just...ew."

"Who are you kidding, Sebastian. You're going to be one of them in ten years."

"Yeah, probably," Sebastian admitted. "But hopefully without the raging alcoholism."

"Is Blaine's dad an alcoholic?" said Kurt, surprised.

"Oh yeah."

_Well that explains a lot._

"Let me ask you something else, Sebastian. I really want you to be honest with me."

"Shoot."

"The night we were all at Scandals, did you hook up with Blaine?"

Sebastian hesitated.

"He called me after he left and asked me for a ride. He said you two had a fight, so I picked him up and drove him home."

Kurt looked angry and hurt.

"Did you sleep with him?"

"No. But Blaine wanted to."

"I knew it," said Kurt angrily.

"He asked me to have sex with him, but he was really drunk. He had never wanted me when he was sober, so I didn't think it was a good idea. I kept thinking about consent, you know? A drunk person isn't really capable of giving consent, and I didn't want to be be with him unless he was really _there_."

Kurt thought about Tommy, and the fact that Adam was so wasted the night they had sex. He felt a little sick.

Sebastian looked at him curiously.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I need to hear this."

"So. Blaine got in my car, and he was all over me, kissing my neck, moaning in my ear. But he was calling me your name. Another reason I said no. And his breath was foul. It wasn't actually that hard to turn him down," Sebastian sneered. "I told him to call me when he was sober, but he never did. Not until after you guys broke up last fall.

Why did he leave Scandals without you anyway? What happened that night?"

"Oh nothing," Kurt said, covering up his pain with sarcasm. "Blaine just tried to force me to have sex with him in the back of my Navigator. That's all."

"You're kidding." Sebastian was stunned.

"I wish I was. I got hurt and ended up in the ER getting stitches. Dave Karofsky drove me."

"You...he...are you okay!?"

"Yeah, yeah. I managed to stop him before he got very far."

"That's terrible. I'm really sorry Kurt," said Sebastian, his forehead creasing with a worried look.

There was an awkward pause. Sebastian seemed to be waiting for him. "I really appreciate your being honest with me. God knows Blaine won't be," said Kurt.

"I guess not. This whole thing is so weird." Sebastian ran a hand nervously through his hair. "I am really sorry. If knew what had happened I would have helped you."

"I wouldn't have asked you for help, Sebastian. You know that."

"I guess not. If I were you I wouldn't trust me either.

And as for me and Blaine, maybe if he had wanted me back when I met him, we would have eventually been serious or committed or whatever. It's hard to say. But right now my mind is on college in the fall. Moving on. Hopefully in New York. I've applied to a lot of schools here. Some in other states too."

"Well, good luck with all the interviews and everything."

"Thank you Kurt. Truce?" said Sebastian, holding out his hand.

"Truce," Kurt answered, shaking it.

Sebastian's grin lit up his handsome face. "Come on Hummel. All this getting along is making my head ache. Come dance with me." He gestured toward the door.

Kurt thought about it. "Oh why not," he said, and followed Sebastian out of the men's room. A loud song hit their ears when they stepped back into the club.

_Cause you're filthy, ooh and I'm gorgeous_

They walked over to the dance floor together. Sebastian started lip syncing the words of the song as he moved his long legs closer to Kurt and they started dancing.

___when you're running from a trick_  
___and you trip on a hit of acid_

Sebastian put a devoted expression on his face, pretending to serenade Kurt with the nasty lyrics as if they were the most romantic lines ever written.

_____you gotta work for the man_  
___but your biggest money maker's flaccid_

While they danced, Sebastian caressed Kurt's face tenderly with one hand and sang right in his face.

_you're an acid junkie college flunky dirty puppy dead end bastard_

Kurt started to laugh so hard he lost his footing for a minute before he quickly recovered.

___cause you're filthy, ooh and I'm gorgeous_  
___you're disgusting, ooh and you're nasty_

Sebastian twirled away from Kurt and then circled back to him as a new song with a fast driving dance beat started. A man with a deep voice was singing about a guy who had dumped him.

___turn around_  
___stand up like a man and look me in the eye_

"This is the best breakup song ever!" Sebastian yelled in Kurt's ear. They began to move together again. This time Kurt was singing the words in Sebastian's face.

___you think you're a man but you're only a boy_  
___you think you're a man- you are only a toy_

Kurt pretended Sebastian was his ex. He crowded up against him, poking him in the chest with an angry look on his face. Sebastian got the hint and played along, his face a mask of regret. Kurt kept singing.

_____you think you're a man but you just couldn't see_  
___you weren't man enough to satisfy me_

Kurt turned his back on Sebastian and walked away, a sneer on his lips. Sebastian pursued him with a pleading expression and grabbed his arm.

Turning toward Sebastian, Kurt smiled and hooked one arm around Sebastian's neck, pretending to give in and reunite with his lover for the final chorus of the song. Sweaty and laughing, they pressed together and moved in time to the pounding beat. A crowd had gathered to watch Kurt and Sebastian's performance and when the song ended, people around them were applauding.

Kurt's smile was so wide his face hurt.

"You want to have fun with this?" asked Sebastian, pulling out his phone. "Can I put my arm around you? I don't want to end up on the floor."

"Cuddle up, Smythe. It's your lucky day."

Sebastian used his fingers to mess up his sweaty hair and unbutton a few extra shirt buttons. Kurt followed his lead and did the same. As Sebastian embraced Kurt, he leaned over and blew a loud raspberry on Kurt's neck. Ticklish, Kurt tossed his head back with a big laugh at the exact moment that Sebastian snapped the picture.

"Oh, this is _classic,_" Sebastian purred approvingly at the picture on his phone. "Come on, I'm thirsty. What are you drinking?"

"Just water. Thanks."

When they were leaning against the bar with their drinks, Sebastian gave Kurt an appraising look. "If you want we could exchange phone numbers. If you ever get in trouble, call me. I'll probably be here in the fall."

"Thanks. Who knows, maybe I can save your ass some time. And good luck with the college search."

"Thank you," said Sebastian, tipping back his beer. "Looking forward to meeting all the hot guys in New York," said Sebastian with a wink. He reached out and ran a finger down Kurt's arm. His gaze was intense.

Kurt laughed and shifted away.

"You know Kurt, I thought you were gorgeous the minute I met you."

"Never change, Sebastian. You're hilarious."

"Who said I was joking?"

"We both know you wanted Blaine."

"Yeah, I did. And then I saw you and I started thinking about a threesome."

"You did not!"

"You didn't see me with my mouth hanging open when you walked up to the table?"

"I...what? No! That's ridiculous!"

"Stunning, I thought. Your eyes are amazing. They're the first thing I noticed about you. But then you opened up that pretty little mouth of yours and were a complete bitch to me."

Anger flared in Kurt's eyes.

"You had your claws out the minute you met me," Sebastian continued.

"I had good reason," Kurt said through gritted teeth.

"Yeah, you did." Sebastian shrugged and took another swig of his beer.

Kurt thought back to the first time he was alone with Sebastian in the Lima Bean.

"You're right, Sebastian. I told you I didn't like you, and that was true. And I told you I didn't like the way you talked to Blaine. But then I insulted your face and your hair, and I said you smelled bad. That was cruel and I'm sorry."

Sebastian's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Thank you, Hummel. I really appreciate that. "

"I tend to attack when I'm feeling defensive. Something I need to work on." Kurt shrugged.

"Same," said Sebastian with a grin. "And I'm sorry too, Kurt, for all those times I made fun of you."

"Yeah, you can dish it out too," Kurt agreed with a smirk. "Okay, Sebastian. We can exchange numbers, but I am not hooking up with you. And no threesomes with Blaine. But maybe we could be friends." Kurt made a face, pretending to gag.

"I guess I'll just have to live with that," said Sebastian, smiling.

They traded phones to get each other's numbers, and then swapped them back, and Sebastian's grin turned playful.

"So Kurt. You have to tell me about that hot guy on your Facebook page. Adam, was it? The one in that picture with no shirt on and that delicious body. Because I would love to know..."

Sebastian trailed off, looking up behind Kurt. Kurt felt a warm hand on his shoulder and heard a voice behind him.

"Am I interrupting something?"

* * *

**Author's note: ****Hello readers! I am so sorry it took over a month for me to update. I already have a rough draft of chapter 9, so the wait should be shorter this time. Thank you to my fabulous beta gleefulgigi for all her support and cheerleading, and thank you to the lovely dani/colferbrian for helping me with the info about Philadelphia!**

**Songs in this chapter:**

**_What I Got_ (Sublime)**

**_Wonderwall _(Oasis)**

******_Sweet Nothing_ **(Calvin Harris featuring Florence Welch)

**_Troublemaker_ (Olly Murs featuring Flo Rida)**

**_Filthy Gorgeous_ (Scissor Sisters)**

**_You_ _Think You're a Ma_****_n_ (the version by Full Frontal, from the Queer as Folk soundtrack, Season 1.)**


	9. Chapter 9

Adam was beginning to wonder why he had come to the wedding. He didn't belong here. He couldn't even dance with Stavros, since Stav's family was so conservative. He knew it would only make Stavros uncomfortable and he understood that. So Adam danced in the line dances next to his ex, and danced with the girls and the women for the rest of the night, when he wasn't at his seat drinking whiskey.

He was aching. He felt awful about last week. Kurt had been upset with him for going away to see (and possibly sleep with) his ex boyfriend, and then there was the drama with Tommy in the first floor student lounge. Kurt was also upset that Adam had spilled the story to his boss about Kurt being groped by Tommy earlier in the week. Kurt had brushed Adam off quickly after that, saying he had to talk to his dad on the other line, and that he'd see Adam at Apples' rehearsal next week. Adam was just trying to help, but it had backfired.

Why would Kurt ever trust him now? He had seemed so eager to get rid of him and end the phone call.

And meanwhile, Kurt was at a club, no doubt getting hit on left and right by guys a lot hotter than Adam was, with the knowledge that Adam was probably sleeping with someone else tonight. And Adam had every right to do that. They both did. But that didn't make him feel any better.

Running a hand through his hair, Adam sighed and took another drink from his glass.

He couldn't stop thinking about Kurt. He had fallen so hard for him. Kurt was kind and thoughtful one minute, and sarcastic and lashing out at someone the next, especially if they had hurt him or someone he cared about. Adam adored him, in all of his complicated glory.

_Good job, Crawford. You've really cocked this up, haven't you._

* * *

"So Kurt," said Sebastian. "You have to tell me about that hot guy on your Facebook page. Adam, was it? The one in that picture with no shirt on and that delicious body. Because I would love to know..."

Sebastian trailed off, looking up behind Kurt. Kurt felt a warm hand on his shoulder and heard a voice behind him.

"Am I interrupting something?"

Kurt turned around. It was Chase Madison, Kurt's former coworker, one of the designers on Isabelle's staff at Vogue.

"Chase!"

"Hey stranger!" said Chase with a big smile.

"Oh my God, how are you?" Kurt grabbed him in a fierce hug. Chase was warm and his spicy cologne smelled fantastic.

"Great! How are you Kurt? How's school? Who's your friend?"

Kurt turned to Sebastian who was openly leering at Chase and he laughed at him. "School is great. Chase this is Sebastian. Sebastian, this is Chase. I used to work with Chase at Vogue," explained Kurt, and then he turned to Chase. "And I know Sebastian from back home in Ohio."

"Come on boys," purred Sebastian, although Chase was easily ten years older than him. Sebastian probably liked that. "Enough talk. The dance floor is calling."

_dark in the city, night is a wire_  
_steam in the subway, earth is afire_

Duran Duran was playing when the three of them started to dance together, and Sebastian was fluttering his eyelashes at Chase and turning that brilliant smile on him.

_mouth is alive with juices like wine_  
_and I'm hungry like the wolf_

A slow song came on, and Sebastian was practically drooling, but Kurt wanted to catch up with his friend. "Chase, you're dancing with me. Sebastian, go find someone else to rub your hot body on."

Sebastian laughed and walked away, and Kurt held his hand out for Chase, who took it with a big smile and let Kurt lead him onto the dance floor. They held each other and began to sway to an old Smiths song.

_you shut your mouth_  
_how can you say I go about things the wrong way_

"So Chase, are you here to pick up teenage boys?"

Chase laughed. "I can think of one or two teenage boys I wouldn't mind picking up," he answered, looking Kurt over.

"Well you look great, as usual," said Kurt, stepping back from their embrace to check out Chase's outfit. "Is that McQueen you're wearing?"

"The slacks are," said Chase. "The shirt is my own design."

"Very nice!" said Kurt. "Good work. It has great lines."

Chase smiled proudly. "Thank you."

_I am human and I need to be loved_  
_just like everybody else does_

* * *

Kurt and Chase had become friends when Kurt started his internship in the fall. They shared a similar sense of humor that came out one day after a staff meeting with Isabelle. Chase had asked Kurt what he thought of his design idea. "Belts as punishment, belts as reward," he said. "Can't you see it? You know, kind of a 1944 faux Fascist Italy vibe?"

Kurt had tried to be professional and remember his place as the new kid, but he couldn't keep his laughter in.

"You're laughing at me." Chase frowned, but there was a smile in his eyes.

"I'm pleased that my opinion matters to you," answered Kurt with a smirk. "I told Isabel that unexpected leather belongs in the back pages of the _Village Voice_."

"Ha! Good point, young one."

Kurt was expecting to be scolded by an arrogant diva, but instead he had found a friend.

And then one Monday morning, Kurt was in his little office after Blaine had smashed his heart into a thousand little bits that weekend in the middle of Bryant Park. Blaine had confessed to screwing another guy, and Kurt was reeling. It was taking a lot of effort to get through the day, and Kurt's grief was still fresh on his face. The huge bouquet of red and yellow roses that arrived from Blaine didn't help at all. Kurt was reading the little card when Chase appeared at his door.

"Somebody is seriously crushing on you, or seriously trying to make up for something," said Chase.

The tone of his voice was light, but his brown eyes held Kurt's with an intense and vulnerable gaze. Kurt realized that Chase was fishing for information about whether Kurt was single or not...or might be soon. He had wondered if Chase was checking him out a few times before, but this time Chase's intentions were plain on his face.

And if Kurt was honest, Chase was one the "temptations" he had mentioned to Blaine in the park.

_You don't think that I've been lonely? You don't think that I've had temptations? But I didn't act on it because I knew what it meant. It meant something horrible and awful._

Kurt dropped Blaine's note and watched it flutter into the trash can. He was in no shape to flirt with his friend or even to go binge shopping with him, as Chase had suggested. Kurt turned him down, and Chase walked back to his desk.

Isabelle appeared in the doorway and followed Chase with her eyes. She turned her attention back to Kurt's sad, wounded face.

"What's wrong?"

"I can't," said Kurt, shaking his head.

Isabelle shut the door behind her and picked up the phone on Kurt's desk. "Chase? Are you free? Good. I need to meet with Kurt. Please don't disturb us unless it's urgent. Would you ask Laura to cover the phones please? Thank you."

"Now. Do you want to talk? Anything you say will stay in this room."

"We have work to do," Kurt sighed. "We have a million things to do today. We're publishing a new feature on the website in three days and I have a huge list of phone calls to make for you. You don't want to hear about my silly teenage problems."

"We have time to talk, Kurt. You're not just my employee. You're my friend."

Kurt looked up at her, pain and gratitude in his exhausted eyes. "Okay." He took off his head phones.

"My boyfriend cheated on me, and these are his apology flowers."

"Oh no, honey. I'm so sorry."

"He said it was my fault he cheated because I was too busy with my new life._ I needed you_, he said._ I needed you_ and you weren't there."

"Wow. How old is this kid? 'Cause he sounds about five."

"He's 18. I'm only 19, remember."

"Well if you don't mind my saying so, you're way ahead of him when it comes to maturity."

She handed Kurt a tissue, but he had cried so much over the weekend that he had no tears left.

"What do you need Kurt? Do you need to go home? A shopping spree? A phone number for a hit man? Just kidding about the hit man."

"Chase asked me the same thing. About shopping."

"Did he now?" Isabelle raised one perfectly groomed eyebrow.

"I really want to be here. I need to get back to work. I love my job. "

"All right. And we love you Kurt. But will you at least let me take you out for lunch first?"

"I'd like that," said Kurt quietly.

"Do you want Chase to come too?"

"Isabelle!"

"What?" she said innocently. "I'm going to tell you little secret. I'm not naming any names, but more than one of my employees has asked me if you're single."

"You really don't have to say that to make me feel better."

"I'm not making it up. There have been several. Look, our Halloween party is in a few weeks. Maybe by then you'll be feeling a little better. And people tend to let loose that night. Appropriate business attire is not required."

"In other words," Isabelle said in a loud whisper, "it's okay if your costume in a little slutty."

Kurt laughed a little. "But isn't that breaking the rules if I date my coworkers?"

Isabel shook her head. "The party is after hours. As long as you continue to behave professionally during regular business hours it's none of my concern."

"I'll think about it. I don't know if I'll be up for it. When is that, in about three weeks? I do love Halloween though." Kurt's mind began to spin with costume ideas. "A Halloween party full of fashion designers? The costumes must be amazing!"

"You have no idea! I'll show you some pictures from last year some time. Now what do you want for lunch? Italian? Afghani? Vietnamese? Sushi? Kosher deli?"

"Anywhere with cheesecake."

"I know just the place. Come on, let's go."

"And Isabelle...let's bring Chase."

"You got it."

Kurt picked up Blaine's roses and gave them to Laura at the front desk on his way out.

* * *

By the time Halloween arrived, Kurt was still hurting, but the ache had begun to dull and he was ready to blow off some steam. Isabelle reassured him that skimpy costumes were okay, showing him pictures from previous years that blew his mind. He decided to go for it. Kurt came to the Halloween party dressed as an angel, wearing a white muscle shirt and a tiny pair of tight white shorts. He wore eyeliner, body glitter, and a huge pair of angel wings he had found in a costume shop and embellished with art supplies to make them his own creation.

Chase showed up in a devil costume.

It was too easy.

_Kurt, you're killing me in that costume._

_Am I? Hmm. I wonder how I could make you feel better._

Chase had asked Kurt if he wanted to share a cab home, both of them knowing that Chase meant _his_ home.

The morning after was hard. Waking up in Chase's bed, Kurt felt wanted and satisfied. His bruised ego was vindicated. But his heart still had a painful Blaine sized hole in it.

He and Chase had chemistry and a nice friendship though, so Kurt kept seeing Chase as he healed from the breakup. He was fond of Chase, but he didn't love him. Chase often acted like Kurt was just a pretty little thing, instead of an equal. But they enjoyed the city together, critiquing other people's outfits everywhere they went. Kurt could be his sarcastic self with Chase, who had a sharp wit of his own.

Chase was generous in and out of bed, and insisted on spoiling Kurt, taking him to restaurants, buying tickets for _Wicked _and _Once_ on Broadway, even taking him to a ballet. Kurt tried to protest, but Chase was firm.

"Having someone to spoil is a joy. One day you'll know what I mean. You're going to do great things, Kurt Hummel."

"This isn't fair to you Chase. I mean seriously, isn't this bothering you? You know I'm getting over a break up. You spoil me way too much."

"I like spoiling you. And as for us...it's like the Tom Petty song." Chase began to sing. _"It's alright if you love me. It's alright if you don't."_

Kurt smiled.

_"I'm not afraid of you running away, honey..."_

"Okay! Okay! I get it." Kurt laughed and Chase continued to serenade him.

On Thanksgiving, when Kurt called Blaine from the fire escape to try to repair their friendship, Chase was with his family and hadn't shown up at the party in Bushwick yet. He arrived later that night, and when he saw the emotion on Kurt's face, Chase reached for him and held him without questions or judgement.

On Christmas Eve, despite their date to the ballet, Kurt was feeling down. He missed his mom like he always did this time of year, he missed his dad back home, and as much as he hated himself for it, he even missed Blaine. But when they went to bed that night, Chase was under Kurt, strong and solid, his head thrown back on Kurt's pillow, wearing only a beautiful blissed out smile that chased the worst of Kurt's sadness away.

Christmas morning found them at breakfast with Chase's family in Brooklyn. Chase's dad was gentle and quiet, a deep thinker. He was a professor of African-American studies, with family roots several generations deep in Harlem. Chase's mother, a professor of theater and dance who was born in Puerto Rico, was more outgoing and friendly, her husband's opposite. Both parents accepted Chase unconditionally, and were welcoming to Kurt and their other guests, some fascinating and some ordinary. It was a morning Kurt would remember for a long time because of the enthralling conversations about modern theater, New York writers, and Burt's work in politics, among other things.

Kurt and Chase left in the afternoon for a party with friends of Chase's. Kurt checked his phone, which he had turned off in the Madisons' apartment after a steady stream of texts from Blaine that morning. He was shocked to learn that his dad was in New York to surprise him, so Chase went off to his party, and Kurt headed to the loft to join Burt. When he got there, Burt greeted him with a big hug and a Christmas tree. Sadly, Burt also brought the shocking news that he had prostate cancer, but he shared his hopes for a full recovery.

"I brought you a present," said Burt. "If you don't like it you can send it back. It's out in the hallway."

It was Blaine.

Kurt froze. His heart started pounding. He felt excited and sad and angry and achingly in love all at the same time. He scolded his foolish heart for still responding to Blaine as strongly as ever.

Kurt and Blaine whipped up some dinner for the three of them and they spent a quiet evening in front of the TV. Burt and Blaine told him about their Christmas lunch in a diner, and Kurt apologized for not checking his phone sooner. Kurt felt he had no choice but to invite both of them to stay the night. After a quick text to Rachel for her permission, he changed her bed sheets for his dad, and set Blaine up with spare blankets on the sofa.

When Kurt walked into his room to find a pillow for Blaine, he saw his ex sitting on his bed. Blaine looked up at Kurt with sad and disbelieving eyes. Blaine was holding an open box of condoms that Kurt had left on his dresser. It was a type they both knew irritated Blaine's skin.

Kurt was furious. What right did Blaine have to touch his things, or sit on his bed, or make Kurt feel bad about moving on?

"Did you need something Blaine?" he asked coldly.

"I...I just wanted to grab a pillow," said Blaine, his voice cracking.

Kurt handed him a pillow from his bed, and walked out of the room without a word to check on his dad.

Christmas had left Kurt with a lot to think about. The emotional turmoil he felt about his dad's health crisis, and the feelings for Blaine that came rushing back when he saw him, had made it clear to Kurt that he really didn't belong with Chase. Chase was warm and fascinating and a great friend, but they didn't have the kind of emotional connection Kurt needed to form something lasting. Kurt would be starting his first semester at NYADA soon and he needed a fresh start. When Kurt told Chase a few days after Christmas that he needed to end things between them, Chase had been lovely about it, suggesting they keep their New Year's Eve plans as their last date. It was a bittersweet goodbye.

Kurt missed Chase sometimes, but he didn't love him.

* * *

"It's so good to hold you again," said Chase quietly, interrupting Kurt's memories and bringing him back to the present moment in Chase's arms on the dance floor. His warm breath in Kurt's ear made him shiver. Another memory shot through Kurt like an electric current: his fingers tugging on Chase's dark hair as it brushed softly against Kurt's shaking thighs.

Kurt was breathing hard. His senses were on overload. Chase was warm and solid in his arms, and his cologne smelled fantastic. It would be so easy to go home with Chase. Adam was doing whatever and _whoever_ he wanted tonight, so why shouldn't he?

His body was responding to Chase, but his heart knew better. This was not what Kurt wanted. He wanted to be holding someone else. Someone with sleepy blue eyes and big warm hands and messy blond hair. Someone wise and silly and kind, with an adorable British accent. Someone with no fashion sense whatsoever. Someone he felt an emotional connection with that had always been lacking with Chase, no matter how grateful Kurt was to Chase for making him laugh and treating him like gold when Blaine had broken his heart.

Kurt wanted Adam.

He wanted to give this possible and fragile and potentially beautiful new thing with Adam a chance.

_You're going to screw this up,_ the hateful part of Kurt's mind whispered to him. _You're a mess. You used Chase and you'll never get over Blaine. You've already hurt Adam once, and you'll do it again._

No. Was he Kurt Hummel or not? Was he going to passively let life happen to him, or was he going to take life by the balls and make it happen?

Kurt was going to create his own happiness, and he wanted Adam to be a part of it. He could have something wonderful with Adam, and he wanted to try. He knew he wasn't going to find happiness with Blaine or Chase. He and Chase just weren't a good fit. Blaine was like a drug to him, a destructive obsession. But Adam? He was like the sun, warm and soothing.

Kurt's heart sped up, and he took a deep breath to calm himself. It wasn't like he was going to propose to Adam. He could take his time with this sweet new thing. He was going to ask Adam on a date when he got back from Philly. One step a time. He just needed to take it slow. He could do this.

But first, he had to let Chase down easy.

"Chase, we've been though this. You're a catch, and someone is going to be damn lucky to have you, but it can't be me. I'm sorry."

Chase let out a small sigh. "I know. I'm sorry. I see you and I forget all my good intentions. I really want to kiss you."

"Chase, I'm going to have to stop dancing with you if you..."

"I'll behave. I'll be good, Kurt. I promise."

The song ended and they moved apart, looking at each other with soft eyes.

Kurt had already been a little turned on by dancing with Sebastian, and being in Chase's arms had not helped him cool off at all.

"Come on Chase. I need a drink."

They were walking by the huge lion head statue near the bar when Kurt's phone vibrated. It was nine o'clock.

"I need to meet my friend before I turn into a pumpkin. He wants to make sure I'm okay," Kurt explained.

"Is he your date?"

"No, just a friend," said Kurt, sitting down on a bar stool to sip his diet Coke.

"So Chase, don't you just love this fabulous decor?" Kurt lifted his hand and waved his arm in a sweeping gesture.

Chase snorted. "Whoever designed this should go back to school!"

"Oh my God! That's what I thought when I walked in! The whole Greco-Roman theme? The gold paint chipping off the columns? That giant roaring lion head on the wall? No. Just no." Kurt wrinkled his nose.

"Says the boy wearing a glow necklace."

"You're no fun, old man."

"Hey! Watch it kid," said Chase with playful eyes.

"I saw a guy walk by wearing a gladiator helmet and not much else," said Kurt.

Chase laughed. "I think I know him."

"Hey Kurt!" It was Winston, there for their check in. "Having fun?"

Kurt nodded and smiled. "Chase, this is Winston. Winston, Chase. "

"Nice to meet you."

"You too."

"What are you drinking, Winston?" asked Chase.

"I'd love a beer. Thank you! Something German."

Winston sat down with them. Chase waved the bartender over and ordered the beer, and then reached for his own drink.

* * *

Later that night, Sebastian was flirting with Tyler, the sixteen year old blond boy in the Iron Man shirt who had laughed at Kurt.

"So," said Tyler. "That guy you were dancing with earlier...when there was a crowd gathering around you..."

"Kurt?"

"He's over there," Tyler said, pointing. "Pale skin, blue shirt, hair kind of like yours."

"That's Kurt."

"You know him?"

"Sure do."

"He asked me to dance," Tyler sneered.

_Oh hell no_, thought Sebastian.

"I guess you could say we have...history."_____  
__Yeah, I have a history of being a total prick to him._

"No way."

"He's very flexible," said Sebastian with a dirty smile._  
____Which I know from months of stalking Hummel on the internet, and watching all those Nude Erections videos._

"Seriously?"

"And I've heard him hit some seriously high notes, if you know what I mean."_  
____When I was creeping on the video of that dumb song about candles. Who looks that happy singing a break up song?_

"Hmm. Maybe I shouldn't have turned him down."

"Biggest mistake you ever made pal," said Sebastian with a grin. "Now enough chit chat, nerd boy. Do you want to get out of here or not?"

"Maybe later," said Tyler, who left and started walking over to Kurt.

* * *

Kurt and his friends had danced and danced and danced some more. Kurt had even worked up the courage to ask another stranger to dance, and when the guy said yes, it felt like a triumph. He was standing next to the dance floor and starting to feel tired when the blond guy who had laughed at him earlier approached him. Sebastian was right behind him.

"I've been watching you all night," said the blond guy. "You're an amazing dancer. Do you still want to dance?"

"I don't think so," says Kurt icily. He threw his arm around Winston and winked at him. "You ready to get out of here, honey?"

Winston grinned and nodded, playing along. "We need to find Erin," he whispered in Kurt's ear.

Kurt said his goodbyes to Chase and Sebastian. "Goodnight boys. Chase, we should have coffee some time."

"I'll text you. Goodnight Kurt," said Chase with sadness in his eyes, but also relief, because they were going to be friends again. They shared a hug and a quick little kiss, and Kurt turned to Sebastian.

"Goodbye Sebastian. You take care of that Warbler," Kurt said with a hand on Sebastian's shoulder.

Sebastian cracked up laughing and kissed Kurt on the cheek. "I don't know. He may have to start taking care of himself if he doesn't get his shit together."

The guys got out their phones and took a few pictures of each other. Kurt even asked the blond guy to take one of Kurt, Winston, Sebastian and Chase in a group hug. "I love my life," Kurt quipped as they posed, and everyone laughed.

"Last dance, folks!" shouted the DJ. "Grab someone and boogie down! Here's an oldie but a goodie!"

"He did not just say boogie down," sneered Sebastian.

Kurt joined his friends on the dance floor for one last dance.

_we've been broken down to the lowest turn_  
_and been on the bottom line_  
_sure ain't no fun_

Erin walked up and joined them, holding hands with a pretty girl with long brown hair.

Sebastian left the club with Tyler.

_things may be a little hard now_  
_but we'll find a brighter day_  
_hold on, hold on, won't be long_

And Kurt was happy.

_the only way is up baby, for you and me now_

He danced with his friends, spinning and twirling. _I'm going to be fine_, he thought. _In fact, I'm going to be great._

* * *

Back in Philadelphia, Adam wasn't sharing Kurt's optimism. In fact, he was in hell. Every love song at the wedding seemed designed to personally torture him about his feelings for Kurt. After hours of hearing about finding a dream to call your own, and magic moments that last until the end of time, and being in so deep you can't sleep, Adam was about to snap.

It was nearing the end of the night, and the maid of honor asked Adam to dance. He didn't really want to, but he wanted to be polite, so he shut down his feelings and accepted with as warm a smile as he could manage. He held her gently and they began to move around the dance floor. It was a country song, and the man singing it had a strong accent from the American South. The yearning tone of the music hit Adam like a punch in the gut.

_dancing in the dark_  
_middle of the night_  
_taking your heart_  
_and holding it tight_

_Shit, this song is even more romantic than the rest,_ thought Adam.

_it's a beautiful thing_  
_don't think I can keep it all in_  
_I just gotta let you know_  
_what it is that won't let me go_

_You're an actor, _he told himself._ You can do this._

_______it's your love_  
___it just does something to me_  
___sends a shock right through me_  
___I can't get enough_

He didn't even make it through the first chorus of the song. Mumbling an apology about not feeling well to his dance partner, Adam practically sprinted to the men's room. Overcome with emotion, he locked himself inside the first stall, breathing hard. _I'm not going to cry. I'm not going to cry._

_Damn it!_

He was crying.

_STOP IT!_ Adam told himself. He forced himself stop crying. _I have to stop letting Kurt get to me like this! What is wrong with me?_

It took a little time to calm down enough to go back to the reception. He washed his face and looked in the mirror, schooling his expression into something calm enough to show in public, and he headed back out to the dance floor.

He looked for his dance partner, but she was dancing with someone else. He waved and smiled sheepishly at her and she smiled back, with a kind and concerned look on her face. He gave her a thumbs up and mouthed_ sorry_ to her.

And then he walked over to the bar, ordered a glass of whiskey, downed it, and ordered another one that he brought to an empty table far away from the dance floor, and sat down.

Stavros found him there.

"Adam, are you okay? I saw you running out of here and you didn't come back for a while. I was about to come after you."

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Are you drunk?"

"Just a little tipsy," slurred Adam, raising his glass. "You should try it. It's fun."

Stavros noticed Adam's sharp tone, which wasn't like him. "Let me guess. Boy trouble?" he asked Adam.

"How'd you know?"

"I know what your smitten face looks like."

Adam let out a long sigh. "He's a freshman. He's gorgeous and he's talented and I cocked it all up."

Stav nodded, his face sympathetic.

"And every woman in this room is hitting on me. Well, every woman under forty except your sister. Even the underage girls are hitting on me." Adam shuddered.

"Poor thing."

"His eyes are amazing."

Stavros made a soothing humming sound.

"I want to sing songs about his eyes," Adam said mournfully into his glass. "Whatever bloody color they are. I mean are they green? Are they blue? I can't even tell you but they're absolutely gorgeous."

"Wow, you've got it bad."

"Can we go yet?" asked Adam.

"Yeah, sounds like a good idea. Ali and George have already left for the airport."

"At least someone's happy," Adam said morosely. "I mean look at you, Stavros. You're delicious and I don't care."

Stavros laughed.

"I mean come on!" Adam looked him over. "You with your gorgeous brown eyes and your long legs and your beautiful smile. But do I care? Not one bit."

"Wow, " said Stavros with a little sarcasm. "You must have it bad if you can't appreciate me," he joked.

Adam let out a sad moan. "I have to get out of here, or I'm going to start singing those sad Irish songs mum used to sing after the cops came for my dad."

"Ouch." Stavros flinched. "Okay, that's it. Up you go." Stavros put an arm around Adam and urged him up and out of the chair.

"I'm sorry Stav," said Adam sadly, leaning heavily on him.

"It's okay," Stavros said gently. "We've all been there."

He had already said goodbye to his sister and her groom, so Stavros escorted Adam out of the building and into his car as discreetly as he could, and texted his mother his apologies.

* * *

After a short drive they were safely in Stav's apartment. Stavros had helped Adam out of his suit, and Adam was resting on Stav's bed in his boxers while Stavros changed out of his own suit.

Dressed comfortably in pajama pants and a t shirt, Stavros was flipping channels on the TV at the foot of the bed. "Look Adam! _Horny Potter_ is on!" He turned around.

Adam was asleep.

Stavros put a blanket over him and smoothed Adam's hair back from his forehead. All of the sadness on Adam's face was gone and he let out a peaceful snore. "Sleep well, dear boy," Stavros said quietly. He dropped a kiss to Adam's forehead.

Something on the TV caught his eye.

"My goodness Draco, that's some wand you've got there," he murmured.

He turned off the TV and went to the living room to sleep on the couch.

* * *

NOTE: I have no idea if there is a porn movie called _Horny Potter_ or not, and I'm not googling it!

SONGS:

_Hungry Like the Wolf_ (Duran Duran)

_Breakdown_ (Tom Petty)

_How Soon is Now _ (The Smiths)

_Candles_ (Glee Cast Version)*

_The Only Way is Up_ (Yaz, also known as Yazoo)

_At Last _(Etta James)*

_This Magic Moment _(The Drifters)*

_Too Lost in You _(The Sugababes)*

_It's Your Love _(Tim McGraw & Faith Hill)

_Your Song_ (Elton John)*

* These songs are implied.


	10. Chapter 10

_Cinderella said to Snow White_  
_How does love get so off course?_  
_All I wanted was a white knight_  
_With a good heart, soft touch, fast horse_  
_  
_

_This Kiss _by Faith Hill

* * *

The van pulled up in front of the dorm and dropped everyone off. "I'm starving," said Kurt.

"There's a little store right in the lobby," said Erin. "Come on in and name your poison."

"Ice cream. Definitely ice cream," said Kurt.

"I guess we worked off enough calories tonight," sighed Winston.

"Dancers," Erin muttered.

Soon they were all sitting on Erin's bed with plastic spoons and pints of coffee, mint chip, and cookie dough ice cream.

"Ugh, I'm so sweaty," said Kurt.

"Ice cream first," said Erin. "Then you can take a shower. "

"Does one of you have an extra towel?" asked Kurt.

"Of course. But ice cream first. And gossip," she said.

Kurt smiled. "This was so much fun you guys. Thanks for including me."

"No prob," Winston said, his mouth full of coffee ice cream. "Now. Tell me all about you and Sebastian."

Kurt laughed. "You mean the guy who used to bully me and try to steal my boyfriend? He's hot, isn't he? Absolutely gorgeous. Rich too." Kurt took a bite from his carton. "But he's an absolute nightmare. He claims that he's changed, though, after he did a couple of mean things that went too far and two guys ended up in the hospital." That was as short a sentence as Kurt could think of to describe what had happened with Blaine's eye and Dave's hospitalization the previous year.

"With the way he was looking at you when you came out of the bathroom together, I wasn't so sure," said Winston with a grin.

"He's incredibly hot, I'll give you that. He actually did hit on me tonight. But we spent the entire time in the men's room talking about the fact that my ex has been playing us both."

"Sebastian can be charming when he wants to. If you're on his good side." Kurt dug into his ice cream with his spoon and it broke, so he reached for the box to take another spoon. "But no. No way. I'm not touching him. My life is complicated enough. "

"Okay, so what about Chase?" asked Winston. "The way he looked at you...I don't think anyone has ever looked at me like that. Sebastian looks like he wants to eat you up, but Chase looks at you like he wants to ride off into the sunset with you."

"I met Chase when I was doing my internship at Vogue and we dated for a while in the fall.

"Was that the nasty breakup you told us about?" asked Erin.

"No. That was Blaine, my high school boyfriend. We split up in the fall."

Winston and Erin looked confused so Kurt clarified for them. "Blaine and I split in October, because he cheated on me. Chase and I got together a few weeks later, and we dated from Halloween to the end of December. But Chase and I were never as serious as Blaine and I were. I was with Blaine for over a year and a half."

"Blaine and I...I've had some trouble staying broken up with him. Even though I know he's bad for me, I have a really hard time staying away from him. He's like a magnet."

Erin nodded with a knowing expression.

"Are you sure I'm not boring you guys?" asked Kurt.

"No way!" said Erin, and Winston shook his head.

"Chase is a great guy, but I didn't feel as strongly as he felt, so I needed to end it. He wants to be my sugar daddy. He wants to spoil and pamper me."

"Oh you poor thing," said Winston with a mischievous expression. "It must be so hard."

Kurt grinned back and took another spoonful. "Oh believe me, it was very nice when I'd just had my heart stomped on. And the sex. Oh my GOD."

Erin choked on her ice cream.

"You okay there, honey?" said Winston sardonically, rubbing her back.

"Yeah fine," she gasped. "So you're not as innocent as you look then."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Please."

"How old is he anyway?" asked Winston.

"Thirty one," said Kurt.

"Holy shit." Winston looked surprised.

Kurt just smiled. "But anyway," he continued, "I didn't feel like Chase saw the real me, you know? Not like Adam does." Erin and Winston exchanged emotional little smiles with each other, with their hands on their hearts. "Honestly, you two," said Kurt, rolling his eyes fondly.

"So..." said Erin. "What about Adam?"

"I am crazy about Adam. I wish he was at the club hitting on me tonight, instead of those other guys. But...can you two keep this to yourselves?" They nodded. "I'm not actually sure I can trust him. I told him something personal that he shared with someone else and I really didn't want him to. He had a good reason, and he came to me right away to tell me and apologize, but it still hurt. "

Kurt sat up straighter on the bed. "So that's my story. I am so into Adam, but my head is a mess about Blaine. Even though I just found out he was lying to me again. When it comes to love, things don't tend to go well for me." Kurt's eyes dropped to his lap and his voice sounded like he was trying not to sound sad.

"Can I say something?" asked Erin. "I'm sorry Adam told your secret, whatever it was. I'm not saying he's perfect, but he's probably my best friend. He's the best man I know, after my dad. And I would trust him with my life."

"Me too," said Winston.

"I don't have a crystal ball and I don't really know you, so I can't tell you if you two are right for each other. But I can guarantee he would never screw you over intentionally. "

"No way," said Winston. "He's a really good guy. He wouldn't jerk you around."

"You know him," insisted Erin. "You've seen how he always puts other people first. That's not fake. That's really who Adam is. I know in a school full of actors it's hard to tell sometimes, but Adam is a very genuine person."

Kurt was nodding as he listened. "You know what else," said Kurt, digging his spoon into the cookie dough ice cream. "You guys saw that picture Tommy put on my Facebook page right?"

"I was in that picture!" said Erin.

"Oh right. So can we talk about how freaking hot Adam is?"

"Seriously," said Winston.

"Hey, at least you got to make out with him," Erin said to Winston.

"Yeah and you totally would have too, if he was into girls," he answered her.

"This is true."

They both froze, realizing what they were saying, and looked at Kurt with guilty looks on their faces.

"Shit Kurt, I'm sorry. It wasn't a big deal. We're just friends now," said Winston.

Kurt didn't answer for a minute. And then he shrugged. "We should start a new singing group and call it Adam's Abs. We'll devote ourselves to serenading Adam with songs about how hot he is."

Erin and Winston burst out laughing. "I like Kurt," Erin said to Winston. "Kurt can stay."

"Kurt can definitely stay."

Kurt grinned. "So can I take a shower now?"

"Yeah, let me grab you a towel. Do you need soap and stuff?"

"I have some stuff in my bag," said Kurt.

* * *

Kurt headed down the hall and found that no one else was in the bathroom this late at night. He walked into one of the shower stalls and locked the door behind him and stepped under the spray. As he lathered his body up he realized how turned on he was. He had been for hours.

_You can't. It's so_ _rude and someone might hear you._ That thought only seemed to make him harder._ Fine. Just make it fast and be quiet_, he told himself. Chase and Sebastian and all the other guys at the club had been turning him on all night. But when he took his cock in his hand, all he saw in his mind was Adam's smile and Adam's blue eyes.

Kurt tugged on himself, slowly at first, and then faster, until he was coming over his hand, biting down on his knuckles to keep himself from making any noise. He leaned panting against the wall for a minute and when he had recovered, he finished cleaning himself up.

He dried off and put on the pajama pants and the sweater he had brought with him that morning, and headed back down the hall. When Kurt got back to Erin's room she looked worried. "Your phone is going off like crazy."

_Thirty notifications? What the hell?_

"Something's up on Facebook. Can I use your laptop?" asked Kurt.

"Yeah, sure."

Sebastian had posted some pictures and tagged Kurt in them. Kurt had accepted Sebastian's friend request earlier at the club, and apparently Sebastian had also friended Chase. One picture was Chase holding Kurt and looking at him like he was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Another picture was the group hug where Chase and Kurt and Winston and Sebastian were all smiling and laughing. They were great pictures.

But that's not what was making Kurt's phone blow up. It was the picture of him and Sebastian in each other's arms. Sebastian looked amazing. Most of the buttons on Sebastian's shirt were open and sweat was gleaming on his chest. His hair was messy, and he looked absolutely gorgeous.

And while Kurt would never call himself gorgeous, he thought that otherwise, he looked very similar. Kurt's shirt was open, and he looked sweaty and wrecked. Sebastian's lips were on his neck. Kurt was laughing and his eyes were closed. The two of them looked really happy together. In fact, they looked like they had just hooked up. _More proof that you can't trust a photograph,_ he thought. And then he saw the comments.

* * *

**Sebastian Smythe: **The world is a funny place. After my Columbia interview, I had a blast in NY dancing the night away with a surprising person. I was not expecting to get dragged into a men's room in by Kurt Hummel!

**Blaine Anderson:** Really Kurt? What the fuck?!

**Tina Cohen Chang:** I don't approve of the way you're acting Kurt. First you break Blaine's heart, and now you're cheating on Adam with Sebastian? Kind of slutty, don't you think?

**Santana Lopez:** Jesus Hummel. I leave you alone for five minutes and you're hopping on every dick in the city?

**Noah Puckerman:** little harsh, Santana

**Britney S. Pierce:** why are you all being so mean to Kurt?

**Blaine Anderson:** Seb's a whore. He's not even that good in bed. His legs are too long and they get in the way.

**Mike Chang:** I'm really disappointed to see the way some of you are treating Kurt and his friends.

**Trent Pulaski:** not cool Blaine! What is wrong with you?

**Blaine Anderson:** you should be with me Kurt. I love you sooooooooooo much!

* * *

The comments went on and on. Blaine had also commented on the picture of Chase and Kurt.

**Blaine Anderson**: who is this ugly Chase guy? Are you whoring around with him too?

Kurt gasped and covered his mouth with his hand. "I think Blaine is drunk Facebooking. This is bad."

"Can I see?" said Winston.

Kurt was shaking as Winston and Erin read a few of the comments.

"Oh hell no," said Winston. He ran out the door and came back with his laptop so he could log into his own account. "Wait," said Winston. "You know Mike?"

"Mike who?" Kurt was dazed.

"Mike Chang! You're from Lima Ohio!?"

"Yeah." Kurt looked really confused now.

"Mike is my cousin."

"Shut up!" said Kurt.

"I'm serious. Our dads are brothers."

Kurt vaguely remembered that Mike's parents had moved to New York after graduation, but he didn't have time to think about Mike now.

"I don't fucking believe this," said Kurt. He posted a new status update.

**Kurt Hummel:** Some of you seem a little confused, so let me clear some things up for you. Sebastian was JOKING. I am SINGLE. I am not in a relationship with Adam. (Although anyone would be lucky to be with someone as sweet and gorgeous as Adam.) I am not in a relationship with Blaine either. Chase is BEAUTIFUL. And no one deserves the disgusting things some of you are saying about me and Chase and Sebastian. I. Am. Single. I date. I go dancing. If any of you has a problem with that, feel free to unfriend me.

"Oh my God. I love you," said Winston.

Erin just sat there with her mouth open, too stunned to talk.

Kurt's phone beeped. New text messages were coming in.

* * *

**Sebastian:** I screen capped the whole thing if you need it for a restraining order.

**Sebastian**: And I'm fantastic in bed.

Kurt barked out a loud laugh.

* * *

**Chase:** Wow, Blaine is really a piece of work isn't he.

**Kurt:** I'm so sorry you had to see that.

**Chase**: not your fault

**Kurt:** You're not ugly. You're gorgeous.

**Chase**: Thank you sweetheart. So are you. Don't worry about me, I'm fine. Are you okay?

**Kurt:** I will be. I'm with friends.

**Chase**: Good. Also, I'm getting some interesting messages from your friend Sebastian.

**Kurt:** Be careful. Not sure he's legal yet.

**Chase:** scary

**Kurt:** Two words for Seb. Gorgeous. Trainwreck.

**Chase:** LOL!

* * *

Kurt kept the pictures on his page, but he deleted all the comments and then he updated his status again.

**Kurt Hummel:** Blaine, Tina and Santana are now unfriended and blocked. Who wants to be next?

"Amazing," murmured Kurt with a dazed expression, his eyes on the computer screen

"What?" said Winston.

"Remember how I said I was addicted to Blaine?"

"Yeah?"

"I think I've been cured."

* * *

The next morning, Sebastian was on his laptop in his hotel room while Tyler was sleeping nearby. Sebastian was reading the screen cap he had saved from Kurt's Facebook page.

_Wow, Prince Charming sure has fallen off his white horse. And right into the gutter. I'm done with Blaine, that's for sure._

Sebastian looked at the picture of Kurt in his arms again.

_I'm an idiot. Look at that sweet little mouth. That tight body. I don't know how he does it but Hummel just gets hotter every year. __Oh man, the fun I could have had with him. _

___I should have played this whole thing differently. _The minute Blaine introduced me to Kurt at the Lima Bean, I should have been giving Kurt the heart eyes and the compliments instead of Blaine. _I could have set myself up as the best friend Kurt ever had. I could have been right there when Blaine cheated on him and I'd be benefiting from Blaine's stupidity right now. _

_But no, I had to let Kurt get under my skin with his insults. I had to start a war._

_Stupid._

_Oh well._

Sebastian found an email address on Kurt's Facebook page and sent him the screen cap of the comments from the previous night. Then he took his phone into the bathroom. He shut the door and turned on the fan so he wouldn't wake Tyler up, and called Blaine.

"Sebastian?" Blaine moaned. "Why are you calling me so early?"

"I don't mind you hooking up with Hummel, because I'm hooking up with other guys too. I already told you that," Sebastian began. "But I don't like you lying about it. But I've done the same in the past, so I suppose I can't really be upset about that either."

"What?" said Blaine, obviously confused.

"But none of that really matters. What really pisses me off is how you insulted me and publicly humiliated me on Facebook. We both know I'm amazing in bed."

"Shit Seb, I don't even remember what I wrote. Hold on a minute..."

"You and I are done, shorty."

"WHAT?!" yelled Blaine. "I just woke up! I don't even know what I did!"

"I also don't like you calling Kurt a whore, when we both know that is the furthest thing from the truth. Hummel is many things but he's no whore."

"Ohhhhhh." Blaine was starting to remember. "This is about that picture. So Kurt is your _friend_ now," said Blaine, his voice dripping with disgust. "Right. Yeah, I believe that."

Sebastian didn't bother telling Blaine that Kurt had turned him down. Let Blaine wonder. "You better get your shit together Anderson, or something a lot worse than losing me or Kurt is going to happen to you."

"So are you and Kurt together now?"

"Lose my number Blaine. And get help. You're a train wreck waiting to happen."

Blaine opened his mouth to yell at him, but Sebastian had already hung up.

Blaine's head hurt, and he was furious, but he realized he had some damage control to take care of.

* * *

In Lima, Burt and Carole were having a peaceful Sunday morning, reading the newspaper while Sam and Finn were playing a video game in the living room.

The doorbell rang. Carole got up and peaked through the curtains to see who was there. "Guess who's outside."

Burt shook his head. "I am not ready for this."

"You want me to send him home?

"Nah. Let's get it over with. "

"Hi Burt! Hi Carole!" Blaine came bouncing into the house. He frowned when Carole stepped back as he leaned in to kiss her cheek. "I brought you guys your coffee just the way you like it!"

"Come on in," said Burt. "We need to talk."

Blaine's fake, cheerful smile fell.

Carole walked over to Finn and Sam, who looked up from their game. "Would you boys pause that for a bit?" asked Carole. "We'd like you to hear this too. Blaine, sit down."

"So," said Burt. "We saw Kurt in New York yesterday. And we learned a few things."

"Is Kurt okay?" asked Sam.

Burt smiled at Sam and sat down in one of the easy chairs as Carole took the other. "Yeah, he's okay kid. I have his permission to talk about this with you boys."

"Kurt told me what really happened between him and Blaine. "

The color drained out of Blaine's face.

"Yeah, he told me how you two broke up because you cheated on him. He also told me he's pretty sure you've been screwing around with that Dalton kid. The one that put you in the hospital. Sebastian, right?"

"What?!" yelled Sam.

"There was some drama on Facebook last night too," said Finn. "I missed it but I heard Blaine was calling Kurt disgusting names on his wall and he blocked him."

Burt shook his head. "This just gets better and better," he said. "So after Kurt told me that Blaine had cheated on him, he told me something even worse." Burt's lips curled in disgust and he looked at Blaine.

"Kurt showed me a scar. He said he got it from an ice scraper in his car, one night at a gay bar when you were pushing him down in the back seat of his SUV. He told me that you held him down by his arms while he yelled_ Stop_. And he yelled _No._ And then he ended up in the hospital getting stitches because he was bleeding so much."

Finn and Sam were both looking at Blaine in shock.

"What?" said Blaine, his face the picture of innocence. "I have no idea what you're talking about," he said in a smooth voice. "I don't know anything about that scar on Kurt's butt."

Burt was having trouble accepting the whole story up until now, but in that moment, he felt his connection with Blaine sever for good. His eyes were blazing.

"I never told you where the scar was," said Burt.

Finn stood up and lunged for Blaine. "You little bastard!" he yelled. Sam grabbed Finn and held him back, and Carole moved toward her son..

"Finn!" she yelled. "You're not helping!"

Breathing hard, with Sam's arms wrapped around him and Carole standing between him and Blaine, Finn got himself under control. "I'm sorry Mom."

"I know this is upsetting but I need you to stay calm, or we're going to have this conversation without you," she said.

"Sorry," muttered Finn, but his cold, angry eyes never left Blaine. If the looks on Finn and Sam's faces could kill, Blaine would have been in a coffin.

"So let me get this straight," said Burt calmly, his angry eyes fixed on Blaine. "You callin' my boy a liar?"

"I..." Blaine didn't know what to say. He looked down at his lap.

"Didn't think so," Burt muttered. "So apparently Kurt and Blaine struggled, and Kurt hit him. And then Blaine stopped what he was doing, and he yelled at Kurt and he went home."

"Blaine, you walked away. You stopped. That's good. That was the right thing to do. And as for the scar, maybe it was an accident. Maybe you never meant to hurt my boy. Maybe you just got carried away because you were drunk."

Blaine looked up with a hopeful expression.

"I don't give a damn," growled Burt.

"You cheat on my kid. You disrespect him. You ignore him when he says _No_ and _Stop_ over and over. And then when you finally back off, you make fun of him. You laugh at him, and you tell him he's not being FUN."

"You make me sick. Kurt loved you. He trusted you!"

Blaine just sat there looking ashamed.

"So here's what's gonna happen Blaine. You don't call Kurt. You don't talk to Kurt. You don't touch my boy. You see him in a hallway? You turn around and walk the other way. You leave him alone or you will have me to answer to."

"And if I EVER hear about you hurting Kurt again, or any other boy, I swear to God you'll be sorry."

"I may be sick, but I have some old high school buddies on the police force who love Kurt like he was their own. I never called them when Kurt was dealing with that Karofsky kid in high school because Kurt didn't want me to. But I have no problem picking up the phone right now if I need to. You understand me?"

Blaine nodded.

"I CAN'T HEAR YOU."

"Yes, sir," Blaine answered quietly.

Burt let out a breath and straightened up in his chair. "That goes for all you boys. Someone tells you to stop, you stop. Some says no, you stop. I don't care if she already said yes. I don't care if she changes her mind. Or he changes his mind. I don't care if you're already INSIDE somebody and they tell you to stop. You STOP. Am I clear?"

"Of course, Burt," said Finn.

"Yes Mr. Hummel," said Sam.

"Yeah," said Blaine, his voice barely a whisper.

"Good," said Burt. He looked up at Carole with pleading eyes. He was exhausted.

"One more thing," said Carole. "We have Kurt's permission to talk to the three of you about this. No one else. You are not going to talk to anyone else about this. Not your girlfriends, not your parents, not the other people in you glee club. This is Kurt's story to tell, or to keep to himself, and none of you are going to take that choice away from him. Do you understand?"

"Okay,' said Finn.

"Whatever you say," said Sam.

"All right," said Blaine quietly.

"Good," said Burt.

"Good," said Carole."And you know what else, Blaine? Kurt has family on the Westerville police force now, because I have a nephew who's a cop there. So you'd better watch yourself around Dalton too."

"That's everything I have to say," said Burt, standing up. "Now get out, Blaine, and take your goddamn coffee with you."

Blaine was out the door and driving down the road before Burt could even turn around.

Burt walked over to the phone and picked it up and dialed a number. "Officer Donnelly please. Burt Hummel. Steve! Hey buddy, do you have a minute?"

Burt paused, listening to his friend.

"Yeah, yeah. So anyway some punk ass kid just went flying down my street. Must have been doing ninety. Yeah. He's in a '59 Chevy. Candy apple red. Sweet little ride. I got the plate number. "

Burt chuckled. "Yeah, I'd hate to have something happen to that car too. Seriously though, there are a lot of little kids in my neighborhood and he's driving like a maniac."

"Sure, I'll hold."

"Beating him up is not the answer," said Burt to Sam and Finn, covering the phone with his hand. "You've gotta go through the proper legal channels."

* * *

Meanwhile Adam and Stavros were at a coffee shop in Philadelphia eating their breakfast, and Adam was apologizing again.

"I can't believe what an arse I was last night. I was so rude to you."

"Adam, for the hundredth time, it's okay! You were drunk."

"That's no excuse."

"Would you please stop apologizing, and let me give you some advice?"

"Okay," said Adam.

"You're always happier when you find an artistic outlet for your troubles."

"That's true," said Adam, sipping his tea.

"So take this crush or this love or whatever it is, and write a play about it. Put it in a song. But don't drown your feelings in a bottle. That will only make you feel worse."

"Very true," sighed Adam. "For an accountant you certainly have an artistic soul."

"You know I don't," said Stavros with a laugh. "I work out my troubles at the gym, or by going for a run in the woods. I just know you."

"You do," said Adam. "And I'm not even sure how Kurt feels. He has some unfinished business with his ex for one thing."

"That's gotta hurt."

"Yeah. He's very young, and there's a lot of chaos in his life right now. "

"Sounds like someone else I used to know," said Stavros gently.

"You were such a comfort to me in those days," said Adam with a small smile.

"We had a lot of fun too," said Stavros.

"We did indeed."

"Do you have a picture of him?"

Adam looked through his phone and found one of Kurt, caught off guard at an Apples rehearsal. He looked relaxed and happy.

"He's adorable. It will be an honor to dance at your wedding one day to that sweet young thing, and bounce your ten blue-eyed babies on my knee."

"Ten?" asked Adam with a raised eyebrow.

"Well, not all at once. Seriously though, whether it works out with him or not, you know I'm always here if you need me."

"You're too good to me, Stav."

"Don't feel sorry for me. That cute bartender at the wedding last night gave me his number."

"Did he now?"

"And that's not all I want him to give me," Stavros whispered.

"You're terrible."

"That's not what you used to say."

Adam laughed.

"Good," said Stavros. "I got you to laugh. My work here is done. You all set?"

"Yeah, I'm done. Let's go."

They settled the bill and got back into Stav's car, and headed back to the bus stop.

"Goodbye Adam," said Stav, leaning in for an innocent kiss and a big bear hug. "Text me when you get back home safe."

"I will. Thank you for listening," said Adam.

"Anytime."

Adam's sadness was a heavy feeling in his chest, a fog he knew he had to just be with until he moved through it. Settling into his seat on the bus, he put in his ear buds and started one of his favorite playlists.

_like a fool I fell in love with you_  
_turned my whole world upside down_

Oh no.

_please don't say I'll never find a way_  
_and tell me all my love's in vain_

He was not doing this again. No more sad songs. He stopped the song and scrolled through his other playlists as his thoughts turned to Kurt again.

Kurt was going through a lot of drama and that was the last thing Adam needed in his life right now. He needed to focus on his last semester at NYADA, not get swept up in someone else's troubles.

But was Adam any different at that age, after everything his father had put their family through?

And while Adam and Stav were great together for a while, they never had that same kind of passion, that spark he felt for Kurt. Was that a good thing or a bad thing? Did it mean that Kurt and Adam would burn out as quickly as they started? Or did it mean Adam would be the luckiest man in the world if he and Kurt did end up having something that lasted?

He had no idea.

Kurt really was very sweet, Adam thought. They had been only been on one date together when Kurt had apologized for hooking up with his ex. But they were at a school where hookups were as common as impromptu sword fights in the halls. If Kurt knew the way some people at NYADA jumped in and out of each other's beds, he never would have apologized so much. Adam had been single himself for the last two years, and he hadn't exactly been a monk.

But Adam was ready for a relationship, not an angst-filled love triangle. He had witnessed enough of those during his college years, thank you very much, and when performers' egos were involved, he had seen arguments among his friends become explosive.

And if Kurt was still speaking to him, if he and Kurt were going to have a chance, did Adam really want to be messing around with other guys right now, even though he was well within his rights?

Maybe it would be better to just quietly decide to not see anyone else for a while. It would avoid adding any drama to his situation with Kurt. Adam knew Kurt would feel pressured if he told him about his decision, so he could just keep it to himself for now. He didn't have to do it forever. If things didn't work out with Kurt, he could always revisit the question. It wasn't like he was ready to propose to the guy. He just had a raging crush on him. Or maybe he was in love with him.

He didn't know how this was going to play out, but it was too late to back out now. He was already in too deep.

Scrolling through his music, Adam found a playlist of Beethoven violin concertos. Perfect. As light snow began to swirl outside the bus window, he leaned his head back and closed his eyes, enjoying the gentle sound of the violins. He thought about Kurt's beautiful face and the way Kurt's eyes crinkled when he laughed.

The next thing he knew Adam was waking up in New York at the bus stop**. **His phone was buzzing with a text message.

_Kurt: Don't believe anything Sebastian says about me on Facebook. Have I got a story for you when you get back._

Puzzled but smiling, Adam stretched his arms and legs, cramped from the long bus ride. Stepping off the bus, he collected his bag from the compartment underneath and started walking over to Penn Station to catch the subway to NYADA.

By the time he got to his room, Adam was exhausted. He dropped his bag on the floor and tossed his coat on his chair.

He looked down and saw a small piece of paper on the floor. Someone must had slid it under his door. He picked it up. _Kurt was her_e, it said. There was a little drawing of a heart, and a sweet, badly-drawn sketch of Kurt's smiling face.

His heart soaring, Adam held the note to his heart for a moment, and then he kissed it and folded it up and put it in his pocket. He pumped his fist in the air, and then he headed downstairs for lunch, feeling lighter than he had in weeks.

* * *

The next day at work, Stavros got a delivery. It was a small bouquet of flowers and a gift card for his favorite coffee shop, with a note that read:

_Sorry I was such a wanker. Feel free to tell me to sod off. Your pal, Adam._

He laughed until his stomach hurt.

* * *

_**NOTES: **_

**Hello my lovely readers! The song Adam listened to on the bus was _Layla_ by Eric Clapton. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing and following. More than 900 people read this story in June. That's amazing! Thank you!**


	11. Chapter 11

**In which Adam learns that he and Kurt share a love for a certain British TV show, and Kurt learns that some things really are smaller than they appear on TV.**

**Rest in Peace, Cory Monteith, and much love to anyone reading this who loves or cares about him.**

******Warnings: A character talks about spousal abuse.**

* * *

_I'm gonna paint you by numbers and color you in_

_if things go right we can frame it and put you on a wall _

_- Lego House_ by Ed Sheeran

It was early Monday morning. Adam sat in the cafeteria with Erin on the ground floor of his dorm eating his bagel and sipping his coffee. Winston had come and gone. Outside, ice pellets and rain were falling from the sky in a nasty wintry mix. Winston and Erin had explained the Facebook fiasco to Adam before Winston headed out for the day.

Adam had just taken a sip of his coffee and put the cup back down on the table when the lights all went out.

A few minutes later, Adam and Erin's phones went off.

* * *

After a phone call from Carole Sunday night, to tell Kurt about his dad's confrontation with Blaine, Kurt had suffered through another restless night, and his scar was aching like it often did on stormy days. Kurt had overslept, and he tossed on his kitten-soft royal blue cashmere hoodie sweater, soft black yoga pants and a pair of black Doc Marten boots, and rushed off into the sloppy weather to the train. He had no time for coffee or breakfast. He had just stepped out of the subway station near NYADA when the text came in. He ducked into the doorway of a shop nearby to get out of the ice and rain and read it.

_NYADA will be closed today due to an electrical outage caused by today's ice storm._

Dammit. Why couldn't they have cancelled classes an hour earlier so he could sleep in?

But he had an idea. He sent off a text to Adam.

_Kurt: what are you doing?_

_Adam: breakfast. No classes today. Did you hear?_

_Kurt: Yes but I didn't find out til I got to campus._

_Adam: I'm in the caf in my dorm. Come find me?_

_Kurt:: I'll be right there. :)_

Rain was coming down hard now. Kurt pulled the collar of his wool coat up around his neck and ran to the building. Fortunately Joey was in the lobby and saw him from inside and let him in.

Kurt shook off his coat and headed into the dining room where he found Adam and Erin finishing up their breakfast.

"Lovely weather," scowled Kurt.

"Hey Kurt! I was just leaving. I'm going to go get some more sleep," said Erin, smiling at the two of them. "Bye you two." She held up her hand in a parting gesture and headed for the stairs, the light on her phone leading her way.

"Good morning," said Kurt, smiling at Adam.

"Good morning to you too," said Adam, looking pleased, sleepy and very surprised.

"I was going to get some coffee but with the electricity off I'm not sure if I can now," said Kurt, looking over at the kitchen with a scowl.

"Do you want to see if we can find a coffee shop that has power?" asked Adam.

"Good idea. Let me just grab a muffin or something." The cash register was down, but Kurt had a little money in his wallet, so he took a muffin and a ripe banana and a bottle of water, and handed the cashier his money. She wrote the transaction down on a note pad.

Kurt sat back down with Adam.

"So," said Kurt. "I'm here to ask you on a date today. Are you free?"

Adam looked stunned. And then a small smile started to spread across his face. "Free as a bird, now that classes are cancelled."

"I want to take you to the Museum of Modern Art. My treat."

Adam had that same unbearably pleased and emotional expression on his face that he had on after Midnight Madness, when Kurt had stood up to the two guys who were trying to kiss his ass. "That museum is very special to me. "

Kurt's whole body relaxed and he smiled. "Great. But before we go...I don't know if you heard about what happened on Facebook last night."

Adam nodded. "Erin and Winston were telling me."

"I would really like to show you what happened. It would be much easier than rehashing the whole thing. But not here...too many people around."

"Finish eating, and I know the perfect spot to talk. There's a place at the bottom of the stairs where no one ever goes except for the maintenance people."

"Perfect," said Kurt with a smile.

They finished their breakfast, and Kurt followed Adam out the door and down the stairs, using the lights on their phones, to a quiet spot at the bottom of the stairs. They sat down on the bottom stair together and Kurt took his laptop out of his bag, propped it up across his legs, and logged into his email account.

Adam dropped his mouth open in amazement as he read the screen cap Sebastian had sent to Kurt.

"Wow."

"I know."

"I'm so sorry Kurt."

"Thanks. I just wanted you to see it for yourself instead of hearing rumors about it. And I didn't do anything with Sebastian. He was just kidding."

"I didn't either Kurt. I mean, all I did was give Stavros a kiss so innocent I would have done it in front of my mum."

Kurt laughed. "Me too. I ran into an old flame and danced with him, and he tried to get me to go home with him but I turned him down."

"Who, Sebastian?"

"God No! Sebastian used to bully me. I would never. It was Chase."

Adam looked at the picture of Chase gazing lovingly at Kurt and his heart clenched.

"I have a confession to make," said Kurt.

And by the light of his computer screen, Kurt saw a flash of hurt cross Adam's face.

"No!" said Kurt. "Not that kind of confession. I meant that I stalked your Facebook page to see if you were staying in the country when you graduate. And I saw you posting about how you were heading to NYU next year for your master's degree. I was so relieved."

Adam's smile lit up the room. "Would you miss me if I went back home?"

"Of course I would."

Adam looked at the picture of Chase and Kurt again.

"How old is he?"

Kurt grinned. "Thirty one."

"That's hot," Adam whispered.

"You like that?" asked Kurt, incredulous.

Adam nodded. "And you're 19," said Adam.

"Yup," Kurt grinned.

"I bet he taught you a thing or two," murmured Adam. And then he looked startled."I'm sorry, I didn't mean..."

"It's fine," said Kurt, interrupting Adam and laying a hand on his arm. "I mean it's not like I was a virgin when I met him..."

And then Kurt got a mischievous look on his face. "But yeah. We did things I had never even _heard_ of."

Adam shivered and Kurt laughed.

"I do want to be his friend again. But that's it. I guess Chase was kind of a rebound. We got together three weeks after I found out Blaine cheated on me. And we lasted a couple months."

"Good."

"What?!"

"I said good. I was a little worried that I was going to be your rebound."

"No. You're not, I swear. Adam, I want to explain something. I'm not ready for a commitment right now, but it's not because I want to go to clubs and pick up lots of guys.

It's just that if I were to start a relationship right now, that would mean being in three relationships in only about five months. It's too much. I need to catch my breath.

But that doesn't mean I was about to go home with any of the guys who were offering at the club. Because I'm crazy about you.

I'm sorry. I swear I'm not trying to send you mixed messages. I'm just trying to tell you how I feel as honestly as I can."

Adam nodded. "I know. And it can be so awkward, because we're not ready to make it official, but we can still get our feelings bruised if one of us is spending time with someone else. It's a difficult place to be in."

"Exactly!" Kurt said. "How can you be so wise this early in the morning?"

"Not me. Must be the caffeine talking."

Kurt smiled. "So anyway," said Kurt, "You were so kind to me all last week, and I just wanted to treat you to something nice to counteract all that drama."

"I accept," said Adam cheerfully.

Kurt set his laptop down gently on the floor on top of his bag and leaned his head on Adam's shoulder. They both were lost in thought for a bit. Kurt let the feeling of peace and contentment wash over him.

Adam slid his arm around Kurt's waist and leaned down to press his warm cheek against Kurt's cold ear.

A moment later, Kurt felt Adam's lips soft and warm on his cheekbone.

Kurt turned his lips toward Adam's and gently brought them together. Adam took Kurt's hand in his, twining their fingers together as he deepened the kiss. Kurt's breath caught in small quiet sound as he reached his other hand up to stroke through the softy messy strands of Adam's hair.

Adam really knew how to kiss.

Kurt pulled back. "You're really good at that," he murmured.

"You're not half bad yourself, Mr. Hummel," said Adam, lowering his voice to a pitch that shot a spark up Kurt's spine.

Adam bent his head toward Kurt again and returned to kissing him, thoroughly, and _oh, I could get used to this_, thought Kurt, _Adam looking at me like that in the morning with sleepy eyes and kisses that taste like coffee._

"Adam!" Kurt gasped, pretending to be shocked.

"What?"

"You drank coffee! Should I report you to Scotland Yard or something?" Kurt teased. "Is the British embassy going to want to hear about you abandoning your tea habit?"

"Hey, I had a big day planned before classes were cancelled. The amount of caffeine in a cup of tea just wasn't going to cut it."

Adam kissed Kurt one more time. "Mmm," he said afterward. "I like kissing you in the morning."

"Exactly," murmured Kurt.

"Except for you being cyber-bullied, this was a nice surprise. You're a lovely surprise to wake up to Kurt."

Kurt smiled, feeling warmed by the thought. "Let's go. I just need to give Winston back his coat, and maybe you could stow my laptop in your room for the day?"

"Good idea," said Adam.

Kurt put his laptop away in his bag, and by the light of their phones, they headed back up the dark stairway together.

* * *

They eventually stopped kissing in Adam's room and headed out to find a cup of coffee. By the time they got to the museum the doors were just about to open. Adam held his umbrella over Kurt while they waited in line to enter the museum.

_I guess chivalry is alive and well,_ thought Kurt, his heart beating a little faster at the romantic gesture.

Kurt was overwhelmed by the size of the museum. He looked up wide-eyed at the modern lines of the building and the huge glass windows.

Inside, his eyes were just as wide. Adam smiled at him. "You've never been here, have you."

"I've never been to an art museum at all," said Kurt.

"Really?" said Adam.

"My mom died when I was small, and she was really the artistic one in the family."

"I'm so sorry."

"Thank you. My dad always encouraged me in the performing arts, even though it wasn't his thing at all. He was always driving me to dance class after she was gone, and coming to my shows whenever he could. And thank goodness he did, because singing and dancing were everything to me, but there was really never any chance to go to an art museum.

"I feel so spoiled," said Adam. "I've been here dozens of times on school trips or with my mum."

"But I thought you grew up in England?"

"I was born right here in New York, actually. I did grow up in Essex, mostly. I was there from the age of two until we moved here while I was in high school."

"Interesting," said Kurt.

"My dad's an American. A New Yorker. Mum is English. They met here in the city studying music in college. And when I was a teenager, this is where I would come to escape with her."

"Escape?"

Adam's expression was cautious. "Almost every weekend. Escaping from my dad. I'm not sure you want to hear about this."

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," said Kurt.

"I haven't seen him in about five or six years. Not a nice guy, unfortunately."

"I'm so sorry," said Kurt sympathetically.

"And when he was in one of his moods, this was the perfect escape," he said, looking up and around at the huge space of the museum.

Adam had a faraway look in his blue eyes, remembering.

"This was always a safe place for me. This and the Met and all the other wonderful museums in the city, but especially this one. We would come here on weekends to get out of the house for a while, me and my mum and my sister Georgie. I would see all the old masterpieces and learn about all of their stories, about the people in the works of art...or the artists themselves...who had survived famines, poverty, war, all kinds of hardships. It made my problems seem smaller somehow. I would get lost in the stories and the art and forget my troubles for a while.

I mean Michelangelo had to survive the situation with the Medicis, but look what he left behind!"

"What are the Medicis?"

"Who, not what. They were a very powerful family who controlled Florence and were patrons of the arts. They educated Michelangelo when he was a boy, and supported him as an artist, but then when they fell out of favor because they were so domineering, he lost that stability and he wasn't safe for a while. There are books and books about it, fascinating stuff."

"His own father used to beat him for three years because he wanted to be an artist, before the man finally gave up and let Michelangelo do what he loved."

Adam's mouth settled into a hard line and his whole body tensed. He seemed far away. Kurt reached out to run a soothing hand down his arm. Adam snapped out of his mood and smiled at Kurt with sad eyes.

"This museum has works from the late 1800's on, so there's no Michelangelo here! But this is my favorite. I practically lived here on weekends. This place was so comforting to me, and I was so touched when you invited me here. It was my safe place, you know?

And such a creative place too. I mean you can just feel all the artistic expression here. The walls are simply pulsing with it."

"It's amazing," said Kurt. "I've never been to an art museum before." said Kurt. "Do you have relatives in both countries?"

"I do. I haven't seen my dad in years, but I am close to my two uncles, his brothers. They're both in New York. I even have a room at my Uncle Jeff's place. He's always been there for me, ever since my parents split up. You'll have to meet him sometimes. He's a Broadway producer."

"Really?!"

"Really. And more importantly, he's a wonderful man who's been like a father to me."

"My other uncle is a Christian minister," said Adam.

Kurt took in a sharp breath. "Does he accept you?"

"Absolutely. He's gay himself," Adam said quietly.

"Really? But he's a minister!"

"He loves who he loves." Adam shrugged. "He loves God, and he loves men. He's been a huge support to me. Lovely man."

"Amazing. And what about your mom?"

"She moved back to the UK. She works for a charity that brings music and theater to children in poverty. My sister Georgie is back home too, studying to be a music teacher."

* * *

Adam was always touching Kurt, all day, whenever he could, a broad hand on Kurt's back, long fingers stroking down his arm. _Maybe it's because of this exquisitely soft cashmere sweater_, _or the fact that Adam is a very tactile person who is always hugging everyone. Or maybe,_ Kurt thought with a warm feeling spreading in his chest, _Adam just really likes me._

Kurt smiled to himself.

They wandered around for hours. Kurt saw enormous paintings, tiny paintings, sculptures, photographs, and more. Some were realistic and others were abstract. Some of the pieces moved him and took his breath away, while others did absolutely nothing for him.

And then he saw it.

And he gasped.

He stood there with his mouth open, looking at the painting, and at the crowd waiting for their turn to look at it. Adam enjoyed watching the emotions play over Kurt's face.

"Is that _The Starry Night_?" asked Kurt, reverently.

"It is," said Adam, placing a warm hand on Kurt's back.

Kurt wrinkled his forehead and tipped his head to the side a bit with a curious and confused expression.

"But it's so small," said Kurt.

"Hmm," said Adam.

"And I thought it was in Paris," said Kurt.

Adam's eyes lit up like he had just won the lottery.

"At the Musée Dorsay?" he asked Kurt.

"Right," said Kurt, still looking puzzled.

Adam turned to stand right in front of Kurt, blocking Kurt's view of the painting, and he looked Kurt right in the eye.

"_You_ are a _Whovian_," said Adam accusingly, pointing a finger at Kurt's chest.

"A what?"

"You watch _Dr. Who_."

"Oh! Yes, of course. I love it. I love anything British. I wrote a musical about Pippa Middleton for God's sake."

Adam laughed. "Wonderful." Kurt smiled and Adam tried not to get lost in his dimples.

"I see how it is," teased Adam. "You just want me for the accent."

Kurt looked at him softly. "You found me out," he said quietly.

_Right_, _Adam_. _It has nothing to do with your kindness, or your beautiful blue eyes, or how turned on I am right now because you're so smart._

"So you saw that _Dr. Who_ episode where the Doctor and Amy meet Vincent van Gogh. One of my favorites," said Adam. "Yes, this painting was in that episode, but you're very observant. They made the painting much bigger on the show. There is actually another van Gogh painting in that museum in Paris. And it's a picture of a night sky full of stars, but it's not the famous one."

"Oh!" said Kurt.

Adam continued to explain as they waited in line for their turn to stand in front of the masterpiece.

"Those were two minor mistakes, or perhaps creative choices, that the writers of the show made. _The Starry Night_ is here in New York. And yes it is smaller than it was on TV. But look at it. Even if you have to wait in line just to spend a moment in front of it, it's worth it. You can just_ feel_ the energy leaping off of it and bouncing around the room. Isn't it magical?"

Kurt loved Adam's passion. "You're right," he said.

_"Look at the sky. It's not dark and black and without character,_**"** said Adam in a perfect Scottish brogue. Kurt melted.

_"The black is, in fact deep blue. And over there, lighter blue, and blowing through the blues and blackness, the winds swirling through the air, and then shining, burning, bursting through, the stars!"_

Adam had memorized van Gogh's lines from the show, and Kurt wanted to pin him to the wall and kiss him.

_"And you see how they roar their light. Everywhere we look, the complex magic of nature blazes before our eyes."_

Kurt clapped his hands very quietly to applaud Adam's performance.

"Kurt, do your remember when the curator in the museum said that van Gogh had transformed his pain into ecstatic beauty?

That's kind of how I intend to live my life. I mean... not that I'm a genius like him but...if I do what I love, the joy of that creativity will heal me. I've lived it, by being involved in theater. And I want to teach others to do that. To move from pain to joy. To learn that creativity can be a light in the dark when life is painful. That's why I'm going to NYU next year for a masters in theater education, so I can teach theater to kids."

"That's sounds amazing," said Kurt.

"I've already taught at a youth theater program for the last couple summers in London, and I'll be doing it again this summer. I love it."

"You're wonderful," breathed Kurt.

Finally it was their turn to get close to the painting. Kurt agreed; it was pulsing with life even though more than a hundred years had passed since it was painted.

"Gorgeous. But I thought it would be so much bigger," said Kurt.

Adam let out a loud high-pitched giggle. He leaned in to whisper in Kurt's ear. "I hope it's as big as you're hoping for."

"Adam!" Kurt yelled, slapping him lightly on the arm.

Their loud voices caught the attention of a security guard who began to walk over to them.

"Uh oh. We're in trouble now," said Adam.

"What should we do?" said Kurt.

"Flee," said Adam.

As casually as they could, they left the gallery. It was time for lunch anyway so they headed toward one of the museum cafés. As they walked by a huge glass window, they noticed the ice-rain mix was still falling from the grey sky outside.

_It's nice that the sun sent me Adam today, since it couldn't shine through the clouds itself_, thought Kurt.

Kurt was smitten again, feeling that same giddy high he hadn't felt since...well, he wasn't going to think about that. He remembered how thrilled he had been on that NYADA staircase when Adam had said yes to a date with him. They were finally moving forward again.

In the café, Kurt told Adam more about his mother, and Burt, and Finn, and Carole. Adam told Kurt about his own family. And Kurt explained how he and Sebastian had discovered at _L'Amour_ that Blaine had been lying to both of them.

Adam also told Kurt that he had dual citizenship and could live in either country. Kurt couldn't help beaming at the news, and Adam looked very pleased when he realized Kurt was happy about it. They were smiling at each other like idiots for the rest of the day.

After lunch they headed back to the galleries.

At about four o'clock, Kurt was exhausted and getting hungry. His feet hurt and his brain was on overload from all of the amazing works of art, and from learning all the amazing stories behind them, things he had read on the little cards on the walls, or learned from the museum staff, or from Adam, who knew so much about art. The man was a walking text book and Kurt was grateful to be with him today.

"You've been an amazing museum guide, Adam."

"My pleasure Kurt."

"What a wonderful day."

"It certainly is," said Adam, his gaze direct, his affection for Kurt fierce and undisguised in his eyes. "You have this amazing spark, Kurt. You can see it from space."

"You're so sweet," said Kurt quietly. "Are you ready for dinner?"

"Let me buy," said Adam. "You already paid for the tickets and our lunch."

"Thank you...but do you mind if we eat early? It's only about four, but I'm famished."

"Sounds good to me," said Adam, and they headed for the coat check to pick up their coats and Adam's umbrella. They went back out into the storm to find some dinner.

* * *

Adam knew a great little Japanese place nearby so they headed over, huddled close together as the ice pellets hit Adam's umbrella over their heads. When they got inside they hung up their coats and brushed a few stray ice pellets off their coats. The storm was keeping the crowds away and they got a table easily.

They had finished their miso soup, delicious and warming, and were smiling at each other like lovestruck idiots while they waited for the rest of their food, when both of their phones went off. They listened to the recorded message together.

_Because NYADA's electrical system and our internet provider are both down, classes will be cancelled again tomorrow, which is Tuesday. All buildings still have heat at this time, but cold meals will be served for dinner on Monday night and breakfast on Tuesday morning. We apologize for the inconvenience._

"Nice!" said Kurt. "No internet means the professors can't assign homework tonight."

"I should probably get back to my building," said Adam regretfully. "Sometimes the cafeteria workers can't get in during a storm, and Angela may need me to come to work a little early. I hate to end this day, but you'll probably want to be getting home."

Kurt shook his head, unaware that he was nervously biting his lower lip, not realizing how adorable Adam thought the unconscious gesture was.

"You're welcome to stay. As long as you like," said Adam. His eyes were blue flame. "It would mean hanging around in the lobby with me for hours though, while I sit at the security desk."

"That's fine with me," said Kurt, getting lost in Adam's eyes.

"You know what?" said Adam. "I have a book of the full length version of _A Midsummer Night's Dream_, and we could run through ideas for our auditions."

"That would be great!" said Kurt.

Their food arrived, and they finished eating.

Kurt took a deep breath. _Come on, _he told himself._ Be bold._

"Can you lend me something to sleep in?"

"You want to stay over?" said Adam.

"I thought you'd never ask."

Adam laughed, his eyes dancing.

"Well come on then," said Adam. They left the restaurant and headed for the subway. The temperature was dropping, and Kurt's feet slipped on a patch of ice on the sidewalk. Adam caught him in his strong arms so he wouldn't fall.

"Are you alright Kurt?"

"I'm fine. Good thing the storm hasn't stopped the trains from running."

The ice pellets were falling harder now.

Standing on the train, Kurt had a little pang of jealousy, because everywhere he looked there were straight couples cuddling...a head leaning on a shoulder next to them, a kiss being shared between two lovers across from them. It didn't feel safe to be that bold with Adam, but Kurt enjoyed the electric feeling of being pressed up against Adam's body when the train was crowded, or the feeling of their legs side by side when they finally got a seat. Risking a glance at Adam, Kurt saw that he still looked happily stunned and couldn't stop grinning. Adam's smile warmed Kurt right down to his toes.

Kurt let out a breath he didn't even realize he was holding.

_I can do this. I can have this. I can choose to be happy today. I deserve it_, he thought.

Kurt allowed himself to smile back at Adam for a moment, and then he dropped his gaze to the safety of his lap.

* * *

When they got to Adam's building and walked inside the door, Adam paused. He looked troubled.

"Kurt, would it be okay if we had another talk down in the basement?"

"Okay. Is something wrong?"

"I..." Adam took a deep breath. "I'd really like to talk to you some more about my father, before I go to work."

Kurt's gaze softened. "Of course. Let's go downstairs before someone sees us."

It was a little awkward with the soaking wet umbrella and their wet coats, but they headed down the stairs again and draped their wet things over the stair rail. They sat next to each other on the bottom of the stairs, cuddled up warm and close. There was only a little light coming through some small basement windows. On a grey winter day with the sun setting, it wasn't very much light at all. It would have been romantic if Adam didn't seem so nervous.

"Adam, I had the best day today."

"Me too Kurt. Thank you so much."

Kurt waited until Adam was ready to talk.

"So," said Adam. "I want to tell you about my father. It's something that's an important part of my life, but it's not a very nice story...is that okay?"

"Of course," said Kurt. "I'm not only here for the fun stuff, Adam. You're important to me."

Adam's face broke open with emotion, but he quickly reined it in and began to tell his story.

"This story takes place on one of our holidays back in England. It was the summer I was 17. We were staying at my grandmother's place in Essex...you'd love her Kurt, she's wonderful.

My father is known for two things. His brilliant violin playing, and his moodiness. He's had a successful career in symphonies around the world. And he has the ego that goes along with that.

I hadn't come out to my family yet, and one night I was in my garden...or yard, I guess you'd call it here. Anyway, I sort of had a boyfriend,. Andrew. He was someone I grew up with in Essex, although obviously we couldn't see each other much because we lived in different countries most of the year. So anyway, we were keeping things quiet. Neither of us was out.

And one night, we were outside in the dark kissing goodnight when my dad drove home and saw us in the headlights of his car as he pulled into the drive.

And my dad got out of the car and started screaming vile things at me, calling me filthy names. And he punched me right in the jaw."

"No," whispered Kurt, fumbling to take Adam's hand in his.

Adam laced their fingers together and gave Kurt's hand a squeeze.

"This gets even uglier." Adam took a deep breath.

"So my mum comes out 'cause she hears the screaming, and she sees me rubbing my chin, and Andy is crying and he's just standing there, in shock, not moving, tears running down his face..."

And my dad says to her _either Adam goes or I go_. _I won't have that filth in my house."_

"She was furious with him. She says _well then you'd better pack your bags, Jonathan._ _And besides, this is my mother's house._"

"And he... and he..."

Adam shut his eyes, and he stopped talking, and Kurt could see the pain wash over Adam's face.

Kurt waited silently, holding Adam's hand.

"And he beat her so badly he put her in the hospital."

Kurt's heart broke.

"I was trying to pull him off her, and I told Andy to go inside and call the police. Finally some neighbors heard all the noise and came out to help me haul him off of her."

"I am so, so sorry," said Kurt.

"There was a trial. He was deported, because of her injuries and because there were witnesses. He can't go back to the UK. I think it makes mum feel safer knowing that. It's probably why she moved back home.

He still has a fairly successful career in spite of it, but I don't talk to him, and neither do his two brothers. They circled around us right from the start and had no patience for him at all, even though she wasn't the one born into their family.

My American grandmother took dad's side though. She's a real piece of work. I know I shouldn't speak badly of her because she's very old and her health is fragile, but it's hard not to, you know?"

"I bet it is," said Kurt.

"My Uncle Jeff is the one who's made a home for me here in New York ever since. He helps me out whenever I need it. I'm so grateful to him."

Still holding Adam's hand, Kurt leaned over and kissed Adam's jaw right where he was absent-mindedly rubbing it. Kurt tasted a salty tear on Adam's skin and leaned back from the kiss, wiping the tear off of Adam's face with his thumb.

Adam kissed Kurt on the lips, taking Kurt's hand and squeezing it harder.

"The worst part for me is dealing with the guilt of knowing that this happened because I'm gay. If I had only been more careful that night...I replay it in my mind all the time." He shivered.

"You do know it's not your fault, don't you?" asked Kurt gently.

"Mum and I actually went to therapy together, and apart, to deal with that question. And for a while I used to fall in love with guys who were kind of thugs. I was a mess."

Kurt could just barely see Adam smile in the dark. "And then I met Stavros. Not long after I started at NYADA. He was a few years older, studying business and accounting at NYU. And he was kind and he was stable and he made me realize things could be good in my life. We lasted a couple of years, and we're still friends.

So that's my story. You're not the only one with chaos in your life, Kurt."

"But you always seem so sunny and optimistic, Adam. I don't know how you do it, after what you've been through."

"That's what I was trying to say earlier," said Adam eagerly "It's all about the arts for me. That's what heals me. Self expression. Helping younger people find it. Expressing it myself." Adam chuckled. "That and a lot of therapy."

Adam's face turned soft. "I also wanted to tell you about my dad, to explain to you that I understand that you don't stop loving someone who's hurt you overnight, just because you want to. If they're important. If they're a part of you."

Kurt was so moved he couldn't speak. He leaned his head on Adam's shoulder, and ran his hand through Adam's hair.

"Your hair is wet!"

"Well there is a storm outside."

"Adam Crawford," Kurt scolded. "Were you holding the umbrella over me and letting yourself get pelted with those disgusting little bits of ice falling from the sky?"

"Maybe."

"And they say chivalry is dead. Come on, let's get you upstairs and dried off."

"Sounds kinky," joked Adam.

Kurt laughed. They picked up their things and headed upstairs.

* * *

In the lobby, they ran into Angela, Adam's boss.

"Adam! Glad I found you. My phone's out of power. Can you start work a little early?"

"On my way. I just need to hang up my coat and dry off my hair."

"Great. Some of the kitchen workers couldn't get in because of the ice storm, and there are flashlights I want to hand out to anyone who needs them, and we need battery operated candles in the bathrooms, and two kids upstairs are hurt and can't make it down to the cafeteria for their dinner..."

She stopped and took a breath.

"Can I help?" asked Kurt.

Angela considered him for a minute, and Kurt felt embarrassed knowing she was remembering the debacle with Tommy, but he kept his eyes steady on hers. "Do you have any work study hours available?" she finally asked.

"No, I don't have work study."

"Well then, I can't pay you," she answered.

"You don't have to pay me."

Angela's serious face broke into a smile. "Thank you. I really appreciate that, Kurt.

Okay guys. Come back down to the kitchen when you're ready and we'll get to work." Angela rushed off toward the cafeteria.

* * *

Upstairs in his room, Adam dried his hair quickly with a towel, and then used the towel to dry off his umbrella, before leaving it open on his floor to finish drying. He hung up both of their damp coats on hooks on the wall to dry.

Kurt texted Rachel.

_Kurt: spending the night with Adam_

_Rachel: Go get him!_

"Do you have a clean shirt I can wear?" asked Kurt. "This is cashmere. I don't want to spill food on it."

"Help yourself to my closet," said Adam. Kurt picked out a long-sleeved black t-shirt and folded his blue sweater carefully, leaving it on top of Adam's dresser.

They headed down to the kitchen. Angela had ordered sandwiches and salads from a nearby restaurant, and Kurt and Adam got to work checking them off against the receipt to make sure they'd been billed properly. Then they began to throw away the food in the huge refrigerators that wasn't safe to eat because the power went off.

"I need one of you to bring dinner up to two people on the tenth floor who got hurt dancing," said Angela. "One has a broken leg and the other has a sprained ankle. I don't want them hobbling around on crutches in the dark with the elevator not working."

"I'll go," said Adam. "I know them. You're talking about Chelsea and Rafael, right?"

"That's right," said Angela. "Kurt, could you please stay here and help me hand food out to people when they come through the line? We need to keep everything inside the coolers until the last minute."

"Sure," said Kurt.

He and Angela washed their hands and arms and put on gloves and aprons. The dinner crowd kept Kurt busy, but it was a smaller group of people than Kurt had seen when he visited the building before. Most of the students had left to visit friends or family, or rent hotel rooms if they could afford it.

Adam came back down after bringing sandwiches to his friends. "Raffi needs a flashlight," he said. "I'm going to bring some back up with me, to have in my room in case anyone else asks."

"Great idea, said Angela. "We can handle dinner from here. I'd like you two to put a battery operated candle in every bathroom in the building before you head to your shift at the security desk. And make sure you have a box of flashlights in the lobby for anyone who needs one."

"Will do," said Adam.

"No problem," said Kurt.

There were ten floors and twenty bathrooms to visit, and no elevator service with the power was off. With all the walking they had done at the museum all day, Kurt's feet and legs were aching when they finally got back down to the lobby. He took a couple of pain reliever tablets out of a bottle in his bag and swallowed them at the water fountain.

"Are you okay?" asked Adam.

"Yeah, my calves are aching after all that walking today." His scar was hurting too, but he didn't mention that to Adam.

"You didn't have to hurt yourself helping me," said Adam. "I could have done it you know."

"And leave you all alone in this dark scary building? Never," Kurt said in a flirty tone.

The two of them settled in for the evening with their books, Adam sitting at the desk, Kurt on the couch behind him. Kurt unlaced his boots and let out a happy sigh.

* * *

Adam got a text from his uncle.

_Jeff: How are you doing in the storm?_

_Adam: Fine. No electricity but we have heat._

_Jeff: Let me know if you need to escape back home, we have a fire going and you are welcome to join us._

Adam smiled. He didn't have a father anymore, but he did have a family who loved him.

"So. Auditions," he said, turning to Kurt. He brought out his book of _A Midsummer Night's Dream_ from his bag and they started working on possible audition pieces.

* * *

There weren't many people coming into the building, so Adam indulged in a cuddle with Kurt on the couch for a bit instead of sitting at his desk. Eventually Kurt lay down and dozed off next to him. Adam took off his sweater and put it over Kurt, leaving himself in a t-shirt. Just after he sat back down at his desk, Erin and Winston came downstairs and into the lobby.

Erin came up behind Adam and hugged him around the neck. "Awww," whispered Erin. "Kurt is so cute. Should I wake him up and ask him to come to _Callbacks_ with us?"

"I wouldn't," said Adam. "He doesn't usually sleep very well. I hate to wake him."

"You just want to keep him here with you," said Winston.

"Of course I do," said Adam, and Winston laughed. Adam shushed him with a finger on his lips.

* * *

After several hours, Adam's shift was finally over. It was late at night, and two young women showed up to relieve Adam so he could go to bed. "You're here all alone?"

"Joey couldn't get back to campus because of the storm. It's okay, I had company," he said, gesturing to Kurt.

"Come on love," Adam said to Kurt, gently shaking him. "Wake up. Time for bed."

"How long was I out?" Kurt asked sleepily.

"Almost three hours. Erin came in and gave you a kiss on the forehead."

"I never even noticed," said Kurt, sitting up and stretching. They headed upstairs.

* * *

"Do you want to get ready for bed before you pass out? I probably have a new toothbrush around here somewhere."

"S'okay, I have one," said Kurt. He let out a yawn.

Across the hall in the communal bathroom, there was one other guy at the row of sinks brushing his teeth by the light of the battery-powered candle. He nodded at Kurt and Adam, his mouth full of toothpaste. Adam made small talk with him. It was sweet and domestic but also odd, sharing the experience with a stranger.

_I guess this is what dorm life is like_, thought Kurt. _Making friends with someone over a sink full of spit and toothpaste. Gross, but cozy._

Kurt washed his face, and Adam handed him a small towel to dry it with, and he put on a little moisturizer.

Back in Adam's room, Adam turned on one of the candles and used a flashlight to rummage around in his dresser until he found a pair of pajama pants and a soft old concert t-shirt that he handed to Kurt.

"Thanks," said Kurt, putting the clothes down on a chair and moving toward Adam to kiss him. Adam's broad hands wrapped around his waist. Kurt ran his hand down Adam's chest as he kissed him, feeling happy, relaxed and turned on.

When Kurt reached for the button on Adam's jeans, Adam stopped him, taking Kurt's hand and lifting it up to his lips for a kiss.

"Maybe we should slow it down a little. I don't want to take advantage of you when you're half asleep," said Adam.

"You're not. I've been wanting to get my hands on you all day," said Kurt, running a hand down Adam's bicep.

"And you are more than welcome to do that. I just want to be sure, because a few days ago you didn't want to do anything but kiss me."

"I guess you could say I had an epiphany this weekend," said Kurt. "I was at the club and all these guys were hitting on me, grabbing me...two of them even tried to get me to sleep with them and I just...all I could think about was you. And how gorgeous you are."

Kurt leaned up to whisper in Adam's ear. "And how much I want to make you feel good, because you always make me feel good just by being around you."

Adam was stunned.

"I'm not ready to do _everything_," continued Kurt, "but I would like to do..._some_ things." He let out a yawn.

"You are so adorable when you're sleepy," said Adam. "Tell you what. Why don't you take the lead here, because I'm up for almost anything you want. Can I be blunt?"

"Go ahead."

"The only thing I don't want to do is give you a blow job, because we haven't been exclusive, and I can't stand having a condom in my mouth. The taste of latex makes me gag. But other than that," Adam said with a grin so big Kurt could see it even in the dimly lit room, "you can pretty much have your way with me."

"Well I don't know if I'm ready for_ that,_" said Kurt.

"You lead," Adam repeated. "I'll follow. We'll talk about all of this some other time, when we're both more awake." Adam yawned.

"I'm sorry I'm not ready for some things yet," said Kurt.

"Kurt. Yesterday I didn't even know if you were going to speak to me again, after we argued about Angela. If you honestly think I'm disappointed..." Adam shook his head. _"_You're_ here_. I'm _fine_. I'm fantastic."

There was a long pause.

"Yeah, you are," Kurt sighed happily into Adam's mouth, as he returned to kissing him.

They kissed, and they kissed, and they kissed some more. Then Kurt took Adam's hand, his own hand shaking a little, and led him over toward the bed, where they sat together and held each other and kept kissing.

Kurt slowly undressed, and Adam mirrored him, taking off each piece of clothing after Kurt had removed his.

Finally, wearing nothing at all, they were pressed together in Adam's small bed. Kurt ran his fingers over the strong line of Adam's scratchy jaw, over the curves of the muscles in Adam's arms and his chest, over every part of Adam he could reach.

Kurt's skin was tingling under Adam's hands too, touching Kurt, caressing him, making him feel treasured.

A loud knock on the door interrupted them. "AAAAAAAAAAAdam!" they heard Erin yell.

"I'm off duty," whispered Adam. "I'm not answering. I'm much too busy," he said, taking Kurt's balls in the palm of his hand, and leaning over to tongue at one of Kurt's nipples.

Kurt giggled.

"I hear giggling!" said Winston, loudly.

"AAAAAdam!" said Erin.

"They're so drunk," said Kurt.

Adam was shaking with silent laughter.

"You left your sweater in the lobby Adam!" shrieked Erin. "I'm hanging it on your door knob!"

"Have fun boys!" shouted Winston.

And then everything was quiet again.

"Rude," said Kurt.

"I have terrible friends," muttered Adam into Kurt's mouth, as his hands continued to explore Kurt's body.

Kurt got up, and gently pushed Adam onto his back and moved to straddle him. They both cried out as the pleasure sparked through them.

_Let go,_ thought Kurt. _Let go of wondering what this means. Let go of worrying about who's going to get hurt. Just enjoy this._

"This reminds me," said Kurt, gently circling his hips in sync with Adam's.

"What?" Adam managed.

"I need to sign up for one of those stage combat classes."

"Hmm?" Adam's mind was clouded with lust.

"You know," said Kurt. "Sword play."

Adam started giggling and completely lost his focus on what they were doing. He tossed his head back on the pillow and laughed and laughed.

"You're going to pay for that," Adam said when he was finally able to speak again. He grabbed Kurt tightly in his arms, flipped them both over, and started rutting against Kurt in earnest.

"Looking forward to it," said Kurt, gasping.

* * *

Adam was gorgeous in the dim light over him, the angles and the curves of him, his muscles flexing. Kurt was tasting Adam's shoulder, and feeling the muscles of Adam's back under his fingers, and inhaling the scent of Adam's sweat as they rocked together.

Kurt thought about Chase and he _felt_ about Blaine, and his heart ached. Every strand of his DNA was remembering the beauty of joining his body with Blaine's, but those days were over. Blaine meant hurt and pain and _wrongness_ to him now, and Adam was right there in this beautiful moment with Kurt, offering him his heart, cracks and all, both the bitterness and the sweetness of him.

So Kurt let himself fall and break open. And he let Adam catch the pieces of him as they began to shift and form into something new, something safe and scary and loving with Adam.

And Kurt caught Adam, too, scars and all, as Adam fell into Kurt's beautiful, battered heart.

Adam leaned back, moving up and away from Kurt, and grabbed a little tube from his drawer. He slicked up his hand, and Adam took both of their erections in his hand, and started stroking them together.

Soon Kurt was arching up into Adam's strong hand, and he was coming. Adam followed soon after.

They rested together, breathing hard.

* * *

Kurt lay there, sleepy, drifting. Adam got up and then came back, leaned over the bed**, ** cleaning Kurt up with something soft, and then cleaning himself.

Adam climbed back into bed, and took Kurt in his arms, and then he playfully grabbed Kurt on the ass, right where his scar was. Kurt let out a sharp cry of pain.

"Are you okay?" said Adam.

"Yeah," Kurt said with wet eyes. "I have a scar there and it still hurts sometimes, especially on stormy days."

"I'm so sorry. I didn't know. Do you need anything?"

The pain was already starting to fade. "I'm fine," said Kurt, sleepily.

Kurt shivered.

"Are you cold? Do you want some warm clothes to sleep in?" asked Adam.

"No," says Kurt. He loved how warm and comforting it felt to be cuddled up close together, skin on skin. "This is perfect," he said.

"I'm really sorry," says Adam sadly.

"It's okay. So sleepy."

Kurt felt safe here, and cherished. He could feel the sweetness and affection from this beautiful man soothing the fault lines in his heart.

The feeling of Adam's skin on his was as soothing as a warm bath, and Kurt hoped Adam felt soothed by it too. Kurt shifted, and they rearranged themselves. He laid down with his head resting on Adam's chest. Adam pulled his blankets up over the two of them, and ran his fingers through Kurt's hair. Kurt was surrounded by the scent of Adam's sweat and the steady soothing rhythm of Adam's heartbeat in his ear.

Kurt was happy.

"You can squeeze the other one if you want," Kurt mumbled, and Adam's deep chuckle was the last thing Kurt heard before he went under.

The wind got louder, but Kurt couldn't hear it. He was asleep, warm and cozy in Adam's arms.

* * *

Adam was still awake.

He felt an ache in his heart, a deep longing for Kurt. Before tonight, he had thought that Kurt was just out of reach and that he could never be with him. But maybe he could.

Adam lay there for a while, unable to sleep, enjoying the feeling of holding Kurt warm and relaxed in his arms, listening to the wind howling outside his window. It was cold and stormy outside, but Kurt and Adam were warm together in Adam's bed.

Kurt let out a whimper. Was he in pain? Was he having a nightmare? Adam ran a soothing hand down Kurt's arm.

"Mmmm, right there," Kurt purred in his sleep.

Okay, not a nightmare then.

"So good," said Kurt.

Adam fought back a laugh.

"Adam," Kurt sighed happily, still fast asleep.

Adam felt pure joy expanding in his chest. If Kurt were awake, he would have seen Adam looking at him with a tender and grateful expression.

Kurt's dream ended, and he let out a snore.

And Adam slept.

Eventually.

* * *

_and it's dark in a cold December but I've got you to keep me warm_

_if you're broken I will mend you and keep you sheltered from the storm that's raging on now_

_- Lego House_ by Ed Sheeran


	12. Chapter 12

_Thank you for reading and reviewing! __A shortish chapter at this busy time of year. G_ood luck to everyone going through transitions at work and school.

* * *

Kurt was dreaming.

He was back at_ L'Amour_, but this time Adam was with him. The lights were flashing and the music was loud as they danced together. Kurt and Adam were in each other's arms. A crowd of people was dancing in a circle all around them, but Kurt and Adam only had eyes for each other.

The scene changed. Kurt was outside, swimming in warm water in a small pond, and he was filled with a sense of utter peace and contentment. He was naked and so was Adam, who stood just outside the pond on the sand, smiling at Kurt with a loving expression on his handsome face. Kurt stretched out his hand toward Adam.

"Come on in," said Kurt. "The water's perfect."

Adam moved toward Kurt and walked into the water, taking Kurt's hand in his when he reached him.

And then Kurt heard a sound that he didn't really understand, as he began to shift into that confusing place between asleep and awake. The knocking sound was starting to pull him out of his sleep, but he didn't really register the door opening in Adam's room or the sound of voices that followed.

All Kurt knew was that he _had_ to get back to the water. Mumbling, he rolled over and fell asleep again.

* * *

The knocking on Adam's door woke him up. He threw on some clothes and opened the door to find Winston again, with wet hair, wearing a towel.

As Adam was answering the door, Kurt was rolling over in his sleep. The blankets fell off and Winston got a brief view of Kurt in all his glory. Adam quickly covered Kurt up with his blankets and shut the door behind himself, barefoot, heading down the stairs to the floor below his where Winston lived.

"I am so sorry," said Winston as they hurried down the stairway. "The lights are still off, so I had a flashlight in one hand and my shower caddy in the other and I forgot my key. And my R.A. isn't answering her door."

"It's okay," grumbled Adam, looking annoyed and sleepy.

* * *

When Adam came back to his room and opened the door, and his heart sped up. He hadn't dreamed it. Kurt was actually naked and asleep in his bed.

Kurt was on his side, with his back facing into the room and his face toward the wall. Adam slid in under the covers behind Kurt, kissing him on one shoulder until Kurt woke up enough to move over and give Adam some room in the small bed.

Kurt let out a contented little waking-up sound.

"Good morning," said Adam, curling his arm around Kurt's chest.

"Morning," answered Kurt, putting his hand on Adam's and tangling their long fingers together. Kurt closed his eyes again. He felt wonderful, relaxed and content.

"Are you hungry at all?" said Adam.

"Sleep," muttered Kurt. "Bring me back a banana or something."

"Oh, I'll bring you a banana all right," answered Adam.

Kurt opened one eye and side-eyed Adam scornfully.

"That was lame," said Adam apologetically.

"Good thing you're cute," said Kurt.

Adam chuckled and his stomach growled.

"Go eat," Kurt insisted with a yawn.

"I have something much more delicious right here," said Adam, dropping his mouth to kiss Kurt's bare shoulder again.

Adam's stomach growled even louder, and they both laughed.

"Okay," said Adam. "I'm gonna shower and head down to breakfast. There's a key on my desk if you need the bathroom or anything."

"Okay," said Kurt, and he fell asleep again.

* * *

Breakfast was cold food and bottled drinks again, with the only light coming from the windows. Erin and Winston were at a table waiting for Adam. Erin looked amused. Winston looked a little overwhelmed. Adam put his tray next to Erin's and sat down.

"Good morning," said Adam.

"For some people more than others," Erin said with a smirk. "I understand there was a _naked boy_ in your bed this morning!"

"Erin!" said Winston.

"You know," she continued, "Adam's bed is very small. Sounds crowded. And sweaty."

"_Erin_," said Winston, sounding pained.

"I bet they were wiggling around all night, trying to get comfortable," she added.

Adam shook his head. "You're terrible. I'm trying to be a gentleman here."

"Screw that," she answered. "I want details."

Adam sipped his tea and paused.

"Well, let's just say there's been some progress. That's all you're getting from me."

"Progress is good," said Erin.

"We're taking it slow," he added.

"Slow is good," said Erin. "I like it when it's slow, and then it gets faster and faster and..."

"Erin. Margaret. McGowan!" Adam scolded in a stern dad-like tone.

Erin leaned over and kissed Adam on the cheek. "Loser," she muttered.

"I love you too," said Adam sarcastically.

"You'd better."

Adam ate quickly and started to leave.

"Hey, where are you going with that banana?" asked Erin, wiggling her eyebrows.

"Kurt's hungry," said Adam with a cheeky grin.

"I bet he is!" yelled Erin as Adam walked away, trying to ignore her, his shoulders shaking with silent laughter.

"_Where are you going with that banana?_" said Winston. "Seriously?"

"What?" said Erin, grinning.

Winston put his head down on the table. "It's so unfair."

Erin laughed.

"Don't laugh at me. Kurt is beautiful. It's going to take me months to recover from seeing him like that."

"You'll be okay," said Erin.

"Why did Adam have to meet him first?"

"Because life isn't fair," said Erin.

"Tell me about it," said Winston.

* * *

Kurt was starting to wake up. The lights were still off but the storm was over, and the sun was shining in through Adam's window.

_This room is pure boy,_ thought Kurt. He couldn't help comparing the room to Blaine's bedroom and Chase's room in his mind. Blaine's bedroom, maintained by housekeepers, was stylistically restrained and preppy, everything perfectly in place, just like Blaine's elegant mother who had decorated it. And Chase was a designer, so of course his room was stunning, every piece in it stylish and expensive looking.

But Adam's room was warm and relaxed like him. This was a typical college room, with posters from shows and rock bands, one of them from a band Kurt had never heard of called The Shocking Mistakes. A battered and well-loved guitar case rested in one corner on the floor, a pile of laundry in another. The room was real and messy and casual just like Adam.

Adam came back to the room and smiled when he saw that Kurt was awake. Adam sat on the edge of the bed and smiled a little shyly at Kurt.

Kurt just held out his arms to him, and Adam happily moved down into his embrace.

"You're wearing clothes," said Kurt with a little frown, tugging on Adam's shirt.

"Well yes, they frown on nudity in the dining room."

"What a shame," murmured Kurt as he pulled Adam down into a delicious kiss that short circuited his brain.

And then Adam got a text. "Duty calls. I am needed in the kitchen again." He looked at Kurt with a questioning expression.

"As much as it pains me, I have to go," said Kurt. "I have things I have to do. But I had a wonderful day with you."

"Likewise," murmured Adam as he captured Kurt's mouth in another kiss.

Reluctantly, they parted.

"Can I take a shower?" said Kurt.

"Sure, let me find you a towel. And help yourself to my closet," said Adam softly.

_And my heart._

"Do you need anything else?" Adam looked like he would give Kurt the moon if he asked. Or if Kurt looked at him. Or maybe just breathed.

Kurt smiled at Adam. "Shampoo?"

* * *

Back in Adam's room, Kurt was finally dressed and ready.

"I'll talk to you soon," he said to Adam.

"Goodbye Kurt," said Adam, pulling him into his strong arms and squeezing him in a big bear hug.

"Bye," whispered Kurt, reaching up for one last goodbye kiss.

* * *

It was cold and sunny as Kurt headed for Bushwick with a smile he couldn't wipe off his face. But he needed to get home, Kurt thought, and finally call that counseling hotline if he could work up the courage, and get some homework done.

And emotionally, he needed to get home, where he could process the twenty-four hours he had just spent with Adam.

Rachel was in her fluffy purple bathrobe at the kitchen table when Kurt walked in the door.

"So?" she asked.

"So," said Kurt, joining her at the table, unable to stop smiling.

"So tell me about Adam!"

"He is the sweetest man in the world."

"I'm so glad, Kurt. You look so happy. You deserve to be happy."

"So do you Rachel," said Kurt. "Any coffee left?"

Rachel poured him a cup and headed off to the shower.

Kurt ate some breakfast and puttered around. He checked his email, wasted a little time on his laptop, and finally settled down to do some homework.

With classes cancelled again, calling the counselor was his major goal for the day. He kept trying to call, but every time he picked up his phone, his nerves got the better of him, and his heart started pounding in his chest, so he would procrastinate by washing the breakfast dishes or visiting his favorite fashion blogs on the internet.

Eventually Kurt felt so anxious that he realized the only way to feel better was to just push through and force himself to call no matter how much his heart was pounding. **  
**

When Kurt finally called the number there was no answer, and the voice mail wasn't working either. So Kurt started some laundry, grateful for Rachel's incredibly generous dads who had insisted on installing a washer and dryer in the loft.

He tried again, and finally someone answered the phone.

"Violence Prevention Network. This is Sarah. How may I help you?"

"Hi," said Kurt. He took a deep breath.

"How may I direct your call?" asked Sarah.

"I..." Kurt sighed. "I..."

"Take your time," said Sarah. She had a kind-sounding voice.

"I would like to make an appointment to see someone," said Kurt.

"Of course. Are you safe right now?"

A chill ran through Kurt's body. "Yes, I'm safe."

"Have you seen one of our staff members before?" asked Sarah.

"No."

"Okay. Just let me get some information from you, and then we'll schedule your first appointment. Can you hold?"

"Yes, I'll hold. Thank you," answered Kurt.

* * *

Kurt let out a big relieved breath of air. He had an appointment scheduled for Friday afternoon. He was really doing this.

His phone shook with a message from Adam. _Hello my lovely Apples! The power is back on and rehearsal is a go for this afternoon. Join us in the auditorium if you can make it!_

Kurt had just enough time to make it, if he hurried. "Bye Rachel! Going to Apples rehearsal!

"Is the power back on at school?" she yelled from behind her curtain.

"Yeah...gotta run!"

"Bye Kurt!"

* * *

Adam sat on the stage, trying to go through his notes as the Apples trickled in, but he couldn't focus. He stopped to greet each person as they walked in, and naturally his mind was consumed with Kurt and the night they had just spent together. Adam thought about Kurt's strong arms and slim legs and soft skin, and whispered apologies for awkward wayward elbows.

Adam thought about a word Kurt wasn't ready to hear yet, and Adam wasn't ready to say. And he thought about Stavros too, and what he had said to him.

_"You're always happier when you find an artistic outlet for your troubles."_

_"Take this crush or this love or whatever it is, and write a play about it. Put it in a song. But don't drown your feelings in a bottle."_

Adam thought about the fact that Kurt had invited him to his favorite museum, where a van Gogh painting had reminded Adam that he could turn his sorrow into creativity and happiness. It was a nice affirmation to get Adam back on track emotionally as he headed into the final months of his senior year. Adam mused that Kurt's invitation to the museum had a deeper meaning that Kurt wasn't even aware of. Kurt was inviting Adam to a place that was safe and creative and wonderful and magical, and not just literally. Kurt was inviting Adam back to himself, he thought.

And Adam was so smitten with Kurt that when Adam had walked into his room to see Kurt sleeping in his bed, just the sight of one of Kurt's _sideburns _was enough to crack Adam's heart wide open.

_They really are perfect sideburns, _Adam thought.

_I am in so much trouble._

* * *

Kurt was late.

The Apples meeting had already started when he walked into the auditorium. Adam was sitting on the edge of the stage in the auditorium, swinging his long legs in front of him as they hung off the stage. Adam stopped mid-sentence and tensed when Kurt walked in, looking at Kurt with a questioning look on his face, searching Kurt's face for some kind of reassurance.

"Hey Kurt, glad you could make it," he said in an attempt to be casual that wasn't fooling anyone in the room. "We were just working on the Sondheim mashup."

Kurt stood there, lost in Adam's blue eyes for a moment, sharing his gaze. Whatever Adam was looking for, he apparently found it in Kurt's eyes, because he relaxed and gave him a huge smile. Neither of them realized that everyone else in the room could see plainly that Kurt and Adam were holding each other's hearts in their hands. The affection their eyes held for each other was lighting up the entire auditorium.

Adam shook himself gently and came back down to earth. "So. Back to Sondheim. What were you saying, Rob?"

Kurt dropped his bag and walked over to the stage. He hopped up to sit next to Adam, who squeezed Kurt with a strong, warm arm around him. Adam's eyes never left Rob's while Rob was talking, but Adam's arm stayed firmly wrapped around Kurt.

* * *

___Feels like lightning running through my veins_  
_Every time I look at you_  
_Help me out here_  
_All my words are falling short_  
_And there's so much I want to say_  
_Want to tell you just how good it feels_  
_When you look at me that way_

_- _David Gray


End file.
